Look at him, but look at the Edmond Christian Counseling camera. Hey guys, Sean McGuire here was the nutrition counseling and we have our amazing team, Heather, Ben and Caleb. So guys, today we have an amazing opportunity to hear from one of Oklahoma City’s finest therapists in Ben Thompson and he’s going to talk about about what styles people from getting help, what, what are the fears that stop them and how to overcome those fears. So then why don’t you jumped right in. Sure. Yeah. I’m excited to present this. I was at a conference recently with the a speaker about anxieties kind of professional in that area, and he brought up a statistic that was pretty unbelievable to most, but he asked us all, how many, how much time on average do you think it is before somebody struggling with anxiety or phobias actually come into treatment? We all guests two, three years maybe tops 15 to 20 I was his answer.
The people who have been struggling and suffering this for so long before they take that just brave, bold step to go to a therapy. And so when they do come into therapy, that’s a big deal. That’s a big step and a lot of courage. As I thought about it. What I realize is that really comes down to fear. Why don’t we get help? There’s a fear there. And so I came up with three fears that I think can help keep a lot of people from getting help that they need. And really the first fear that I notice is it’s often this fear that if I have this problem, then, then there’s something wrong with me. Something’s fundamentally wrong with me. And getting help means I’m having to admit there’s something wrong. Um, and that, and that fear can keep, can keep somebody from getting that help that they need or is, nobody wants to think that they’re the one with the issues.
You know, I think if you think about elementary school, we’ve all been elementary school. Um, uh, Caleb is so smart. I think he went straight from preschool to high school, but for the rest of us mortals, um, in elementary school, you never want to be that guy. And that looks like he’s not very smart in the class or ever want to be the girl that looks like she doesn’t know how to address or or put on makeup. You want to always kind of fit in with your peers and you don’t want to be seen as abnormal or weird because nobody likes to get made fun of. I don’t like to get made fun of. So I think that’s true. Like we don’t want to admit that we’re broken. It’s kind of weird. Denial comes from, isn’t it? Did I out denial? You know the acronym for denial.
Have you? Do you guys know what it is? It’s don’t even know I’m allying. Don’t even know. Unlike, because we don’t want to admit the parts of us that are broken because man, we don’t like to be weak and we don’t like to feel powerless and that’s good. That’s number one. Yeah, absolutely. Number two is the fear that things will get worse if I talk about it. You know, if I bring this up and I, and I start facing this problem, are facing this thing that’s going on, that’s going to get worse. See that a lot in couples counseling where you know, it’s been a long and by time somebody comes in, do you ask how long have you guys been struggling with this since years? Um, and it’s a lot of times the problem is neither person wanted to say anything about it because he didn’t want to make it worse. And that fear the talking about it, it’s gonna make it worse. Dealing with it’s gonna make it worse. And a lot of times I find the opposite is true. Not dealing with it, not talking about it is actually what is making it worse and keeping things from changing and the way they need to see and get the help that you need. Um, so that fear of just going to get worse by talking about it. Um, it’s something we have to have to deal with.
You know, I, I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve been blamed for bringing up issues and counseling. I mean, it’s shocking, right? But I have literally been blamed for bringing up, you know, before we kill him, we’re just doing great. But now we come in, we talk about, and you know, my wife leaves mad at me. I’m like denial, right? Don’t even know you’re alive. You didn’t come to me because life was great and you, you just needed that last 2% for it to be 100% perfect. He came because there were issues. Why don’t you felt like there were big issues and a lot of times when we start to uncover the issues, it’s like a, it’s like when you go to the doctor and they discover you got a cancer. You may not see it on your skin, but, but when they go, they have the machines and they determined they do biopsies, but there’s something inside of you that’s embarrassing.
It’s not right. Well then they have an opportunity to do something about it. But if you are not to go to the doctor and he just had like a cough or something and, and I just haven’t, maybe a little cold and you go find out you have cancer. We are devastated. It automatically affects the way that you experience life. I think that’s true with counseling. And when, when, when we need to get help is it automatically begins to impact the way we perceive and react to others in reality. But it’s not that we’re creating the issues, it’s that we’re doing something that they get and make them better.
Sometimes I noticed that the fear of knowing that there’s an issue is actually the start to healing and it brings awareness. You’re already on the healing path. As soon as you start to realize that there is an issue, um, when things just didn’t seem to add up before you finally put a finger on it, well, there’s an underlying issue here. It really brings a lot of light to your situation and we’ll give you an opportunity to deal with things and Hill, Huh? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And you gotta look, you know, a lot of times we try to work around things. Um, but what we find is got to work through things and we spend a lot of effort and a lot of energy trying to work around things, get around that fear rather than going through it. And it’s really, really the way to do with that.
I’ve heard fear of being called the acronym for that false evidence appears real. And so you’re really trying to prove or deal with something, but it really does. Look, it does appear real until you deal with, they talked to somebody about, one of the ways to conquer this fear is if you’re afraid of, um, if you’re afraid of this or if you’re afraid of what people will think or what’s going to come out, what I encourage you to do is find somebody that you really trust and talk to them about it. Right? That’s a way to talk back to that fear and talk about it and see what happens when you talked about it. Does they get worse as part of that feel better? Does it help you? And really try to have that experience and, and the situation with the couple, you know, sometimes the best thing you can do is bring that out.
Say something about it so you can deal with it. That’s good. Third, let me go to the third. Third. Fear really is the fear of change. The fear of things being different. This is huge. And part of the reason we have this fear is because it’s absolutely wired into us, right? Our brains will go for what is comfortable and predictable because that’s going to keep us safe and keep us going, keep us alive. That was wired into our existence. Uh, but when we realize there’s something better out there, something, something that we want, some change that we need, we’re working against that predictability. We’re working against that comfort, and yet the best thing we can do is find that path. Really identify what we’re looking for, what we’re going for, because that’s going to help our brains say no, that’s what I want. That’s important to me.
And we’re trying to clear, we’re trying to clear the path. Um, but boy, it’s hard, right? We resist that change. We don’t want to go and that direction, but we can. And when we do, a lot of times we get our resources and our brain to follow us, but we got to lead into that change. That’s good. Change changes. What are those interesting things is you said something there that, so we get comfortable and um, oftentimes anxiety is comfortable. Um, other things are comfortable. So we stay in that situation and we, we don’t want to move because it’s comfortable yet we’ll complain about where we’re at. I know that’s true for me, that I complain about things and uh, I, I don’t want to change because I’m comfortable. But once I get uncomfortable, things targeting, getting better, that’s uncomfortable for a little bit. But I like the new change. No, it comes, we’ll do comfortable doesn’t it? You uncomfortable. It comes a new comfortable and it’s kind of Nice to deal with stuff as they come in and it’s kind of Nice to be able to communicate with your spouse or it’s kind of Nice to have a new way to deal with your anger when it comes up. But other than just getting frustrated, just sure. Math for sure. You
know, it’s really hard when you only have the knowledge and the resources that you have. That’s it. I was meeting with somebody recently and you know, he came in and he’s just talking. He says, I’m giving it my best, shot him and give him my best. And I said, well, your best includes just the resources that you’ve had. And I, and I pointed to my bookshelf and I said, you know, for the last probably 25 30 years I have invested and I have had mentors and I’ve had read countless books, listen to sermons and podcasts and went to school and different and I have learned so much and I continue to learn so that when I respond to something I haven’t changed. Man, I, it’s not the show McGuire of 10 years ago. It’s a show McGuire 2018 so Sean McGuire of 2019 when it happens, we’ll be different than 2018 because I am changed because I’m bringing in resources with just people, which is activities which is taking adventures, which is going into my uncomfortable zone, which is anything outside of what I’m comfortable with or what I’m really good at and pressing the envelope and whatever area of life that is it allowing myself to experience stress, to experience anxiety.
We experience fear in the process of changing it become end each season. Who Christ and God has called me to be and I think if we just sit back, you know this goes into a whole nother thing of why don’t people change? Well, I would say that the same question of the other side of the coin is why do people go on Netflix binges? Are you telling me that that people work for eight hours, 10 hours a day, like working really hard as an American or wherever you’re from and they come home to to check out this gate. You don’t have a podcast or a video. I’m going to do soon is how about let’s create the life we don’t want to escape from. Let’s create the life that we want to stay engaged in. And the only way that happens it has to by necessity include change. Because if it doesn’t include chains and discomfort, then you’re just going to get more of the same. It’s gunny, whatever resources you have available right now, great or small is what you have to deal with. Your life is what you have to be promoted or not promoted at work is what you have to work on your marriage. How about we invite other people, read books and put her to Sal’s consistent positions to succeed. And instead of comfort being our guy, how about we let Jesus be our guy in your life, right?
I hear you. Doing is is really, and I heard this, um, everyday, but fear, fear and excitement. We experienced the same physiological response. And so what we’re up to is what are we gonna do with that feeling? So we’ve been programmed to think that’s fear. That’s fear. That’s fear. But it’s also excitement. That’s what you’re talking about. Now. You have this fear, this is excitement, this is a place and now I can grow something I need to see in a place I need to, to be rather than place. I need to fear and hide from. And that’s, that’s really a, it’s really a big, that’s really big issue. And that paves the way for growth and change. Where before it was just hiding and being scared and not wanting to face those things. Yeah. I want to address, cause I talked about part of his conquering these fears on that first fear that something’s wrong with me, right?
I’m not, I’m a stick out. Somebody’s going to know that I’ve got problems. Um, one way to really conquer that fear is dashed yourself. The question, if my best friend came to me and told me about this problem, how would I respond to them? Because probably you wouldn’t say, oh my goodness, you’re crazy. What’s wrong with you? I can’t believe that you better, you better go hide because you got this problem. Probably that’s not how you’d respond to a friend that had the same problem. There’s just a strange thing that we often know them give ourself that same grace, that same understanding that we would give somebody else. So asking yourself again, if my best friend came to me and they told me about what I was going through, how would I respond to them?
That’s good. That’s really good. So that goes to their vulnerability is part of the need is to be aware of that. Vulnerability is part of the process. There’s no authenticity, there’s no real growth in life or anything unless you’re willing to be vulnerable, even in the need to get feedback, which I think feedback is one of my love languages because then it helps you grow is every the seventh level, every retailer. Because funny being funny and here where that’s the sixth love language, but feedbacks helps you grow. But if you’re not willing to go into that and to step outside your comfort zone and to be real and authentic than you are. So imagine this, imagine that. I’m an I, I’m preaching to an audience and you’re in the audience and there’s, there’s thousands, a thousand other people around you. And I, and I share my story and my life and being raised by a single mom of the adversities that that included because she was poor, worked two, three jobs at a time and I just only lowered my heart and I give a heartfelt sharing and how God moved through the seasons of my life to bring you to a place today or I can now father others and mentor and love other people when I get done.
And I say, how many of you think I am weak because I just opened my heart up? Would you raise your hand? Would you raise your hand and say you’re weak and you think less than me because of what I just did? Or would you clap and just authenticate the courage that it took to be real? And I think that’s the mistake that a lot of us get caught in. We, we are deceived into thinking that our authenticity creates an environment where people see us as weak or God has made it so that it creates an environment where we invite people to step out of wherever they’re stuck in and be real and change.
It’s for the better part. Agree. I think that often times we look, we’re afraid of vulnerability, but really vulnerabilities our greatest strength because it’s our, our greatest Edmond Christian Counseling weakness when we deal with her vulnerability allows us to be stronger in all aspects of your life. So that’s a big deal. If you are struggling with fear, we just want to encourage you to reach out to people, to support systems. And even here at New Vision Counseling, uh, you can look us up online, but, uh, we’ll be more than happy to walk with you engaging those fears and addressing the issues with fear and, uh, just put our lives in a situation where we can be utilized for the goodness of who God is. So there’s no fear of imperfect love. It cast out all fear and we want to encourage you just to think about new ways of approaching life right now and then and then
and you know for those that are watching like uh, Elaina daggers, she’s one of the people in my wife went to college with and get over. Sean Copeland, we just want to say thank you for tuning in and thank you for letting us sow into your life. We really believe that we want to add value and that when you watched that we’re bringing some life, some opportunities to move forward in. And you know, we have a team of people at New Vision counseling that really we are all called in different ways, have different giftings to serve the body of Christ and to serve those that do know Christ, to serve those that don’t know Christ. And we want to walk with you along your journey if that’s where you’re at. And that’s what you need. Go to New Vision counseling.org if you have it yet, like us on Facebook. Shalmar bar.net or new division counseling. Guys, you have any lasting or parting words? Heather, you haven’t said a word today,
Huh? Um, yeah, no, I was just thinking about how um, you know, so it’s part of that fear of change in a couple. Sometimes it’s that fear of growing apart, um, and by not bringing things up, they don’t rock the boat. Right. And, um, so that’s kind of what I was thinking about through this, the, the presentation today and to not let that fear prevent you from moving forward and to, you know, in that, in that exposing things, you were also missing the opportunity to grow together. So
that’s kind of fun, isn’t it? It’s kind of fun to engage those aspects of life where you’ve just been stuck though. You’ve been fearing it. What did you try to engage it? That’s something different that can be exciting, like you were talking about and of just fearful. And then when you walk through it with your spouse, you initiate a new level of love that you’ve never had before. And that’s the Edmond Christian Counseling excitement about being in marriage, especially equally yoked and in a marriage said is, um, founded on God. It’s, Huh.
That’s good. Well guys, thank you for tuning in. Next Tuesday at 1230, we are going to have one of our top six presenters. His name is our very own Caleb Mccain. He’s going to be talking about, uh, do you know what you’re talking about yet? Oh, it’s going to be in the imagination. So let me the imagination. So that should be very interesting because Caleb was really into the neurosciences or a Ben really studies a lot of men’s issues and anger kill really getting to the neurosciences. So guys, we just thank you and, and is just an all around a stud at, at being a counselor. She works with kids, adults, marriages. So you guys have a great week and we’ll see you next Tuesday. God bless.