Welcome to the New vision.live podcast with Christian Counselor Sean Maguire. If your marriage is in need of a tuneup, if you find yourself fighting more often than not and you’re ready to move from bitterness to betterness, this is the podcast for you. Ladies and gentlemen, without any further ado, we proudly introduce your host, Shawn Maguire.
Hi everyone. Welcome back to the podcast. I’m excited because this is a third time in a row. My amazing wife is with us. Hello everyone. Glad to be back. Well, this is our final one, about five things every man wants from his wife. Baby. What do you think so far? I think it’s been great and we’ve had a good time recording these. We have had a lot of fun. I hope that you are getting excited about continuing to record these with maybe cause you add so much value to this podcast. Thanks. I’ll consider that offer. That’s my, that’s my subtle way of inviting you back in front of the world for them to find time. That’s right. Well the first three are one passion to what? Respect and admiration. And what’s the third one? Your favorite? Every woman’s favorite. It’s a three letter word. What is it, baby?
You remember? Vanessa ends with a x six which any guy that would listened to this, but I think that might be the only five things we talk about. Sex, sex, sex, sex and sex, but not true. I’ve talked about a lot of other things, haven’t we? We have, well this next one relates to our football game last night, which may sound really weird, but I coach my son’s football team and it was going great. Practice was great. The kids were catching balls. They were playing great defense. And what was the problem with the Game Babe? Oh, you just said they were playing great defense. They were playing great defense. The problem with the game was it started well before the game started. They practice really well. But the problem with the game was it started and the other team had this kid who was not only fast, but he was built like a man.
He was a man child. He was a man child in 11 and 12 year old lead this boy. I think you do. I did. I actually asked him, I said, hey man, what kind of car you drive? Any kind of lab? But I kinda wasn’t joking and I asked the coach, I was like, man, what is his license? Say where’s he from? And cause he was just a big, big kit. And what are the things I noticed about the kids last night, even more than other games, is that they really paid attention to what I talked because they were sick of getting run up and down on. They were sick of that kid intercepting the ball. They were, they were just tired and they wanted it. They wanted to know what I had to say. And one thing I’ve noticed with boys is even as a young age, they love, especially at a young age, they love the admiration of their moms, no thing.
Oh yeah. So you notice all the moms in the sideline, we’re going, Yay, boom. Up and down, up and, and the kids, you could see them come alive. Some of them get embarrassed. But I baby, I think you can relate to this. They love to see you watch them. Oh yeah. Hey, love attention of any kind, any kind of, and the more focused the attention, the better. Right? Absolutely. So that’s our number. That’s our number four of the five things every man wants is they want your undivided attention. And I know for me, when we first got married, I love when he watched me play tennis. Remember that ideal? I love when you watch me fish or actually I really love when you went fishing with me and actually stayed engaged and I just love your attention. I know that many guys that come in, they just want their wives to go to their soccer games.
They want their wives to watch them play basketball. They want their wives to sit with them and watch a game on TV. It’s very interesting that they get offended when their wives maybe get on their phone or do something else while they’re engaged in one of these activities. Yes, they are growing up. Little boys that still want all the attention and all the topics we talked about previously from passion to sex to everything. The respect and admiration, they all are kind of held together by this undivided attention because if you don’t give your undivided attention than the, than the the guy, your husband is not going to feel like he matters as much and you won’t feel like you’re fully present with him. But when you do give your undivided attention and helps them to feel like a man, it helps them to feel like what and who he is matters and that he’s got what it takes to captivate you still even in this late season of life.
Where do you think babe? Yeah, I agree. I mean it’s, it’s, I think the busier our lives get, the more children we have, the more activities are in. It can get really hard to really focus in. Um, but it definitely is worth it and it pays off. So undivided attention is a really big gift that you can give your husband undivided attention. Now, you may be giving your undivided attention to something that you think is ridiculous. Why would he want me to watch him play softball? That makes no sense. Why would he want to just have me along while he plays golf? Well, remember before we talked about men do live side by side. That’s how we relate. That’s how we do live. We do live with buddies engaging in activities, whereas women often are face to face and they love to just sit and have coffee and can talk for hours on end about what, I don’t know.
Anything. Brands, you aids, interest posts, lots of things. So giving your own divided tension as a gift. And here’s something else. If you want to continue to have a husband that you know is faithful that you know will want to come home, then make sure you’re the one giving your undivided attention to him. Because what I’ve observed in counseling, marriage counseling, and Oklahoma City for the past 25 plus years is man, somebody else is glad to give your husband that attention and maybe multiple people if you do not now never right for him to ever step outside of the marriage or even emotionally give his heart or his time to somebody else. But it makes it a lot more challenging when he’s not getting the attention at home to be open because he’s hungry to be available to get it from somebody outside of you because you are really the only legitimate source that he can ever get that kind of attention from. So make sure that you’re available and look, ask him what ways, in what ways can I give you that undivided attention. That’s the, that’s the one that’s, you know, a lot of times you don’t like to ask me what I need to you.
No, but you, because you are such an expert, you know exactly what to tell me. That’s a lot of times you make it easy for me.
All right? I don’t like clarity very often. Do I have no. So ask him what he needs because not all men are that tuned into what they need and they’re not as tuned into what they really need to do or they need in their heart or really they might not even be aware of it, but they are hungry and maybe in the danger zone of somebody else getting into their heart and then being tempted.
Yeah. And I think for women it’s really, really easy for us to forget about our husbands, um, and focus on taking care of the house and taking care of the kids and all that needs to be done. And we don’t really even think about them needing that attention. Um, so yeah,
I know even in our own marriage, you sometimes think I’m a robot. Yes, I’m very good robot. Why do you think I’m a good robot principal? That’s not a real thing. Maybe when I was in high school, I had this one jacket that had where there’s was actually my old jacket ever and Florida roles that when you had your blonde hair. Yeah. Well, no, it was blonde hair was college. That’s a long story for another podcast. But yeah, I felt invincible. But other than that, uh, in my forties, I don’t feel invincible anymore. You know, I really relate to that scripture where Paul says, when I am weak, I am strong. So I keep telling myself I am very, very strong these days very strong. So, okay. So I think a lot, a lot of women can probably relate if they kind of take their husbands for granted in certain areas, maybe there’s isn’t the purity one, maybe theirs is they take their husband for granted that he works constantly, that he’s faithful to get up and provide for their family or that he comes home every night. I don’t, I don’t know what that would be, but everyone has a different story, a narrative that they can relate to in this situation that focused on divided attention. And it just does, once your husband realizes that you’re there emotionally tuned in you, you’ll just get progressive access to parts his heart and emotion that you may have never had access to before. Yep. I agree. So our fifth and final thing that a man needs every man needs is what babe
grace. Lots of grace. We all need it actually. But men especially. Yeah,
I think we, we meet an extra helping every day for this grace. I know that it’s so often in life. It is something that I don’t, I don’t naturally personally moved to easily given grace. I naturally move to giving consequences. So if you do a great job, then the consequences raise opportunity. Getting to know me better or coming into a closer friend circle. If you don’t and you cost me or your hurtful or you’re mean, or as a child, disobedient, then it’s not a natural thing for me to give grace. Is it natural for you to give me grace?
No, I was super critical when we first got married, especially of you. Me, yes. And I tend to give a lot of grace actually outside of our home, but inside the home where I’m real, without a mask, I can be very critical. And I’ve worked on it a lot and actually I’m a lot better now at our offering up. So yeah,
grace, you are. You know, it’s interesting that when people ask me, am I easily offended? I said, no, except if your last name is McGuire and you’re one of three people that live in my home or you’re a 12 year old girl, then you pretty much oftentimes own my emotions and I need to go ask God for help to stand strong. So you have become an amazingly, amazingly better. That’s showing grace throughout our relationship. I know you had to overcome a lot of the way you were raised and the way that men were treated and man, we’re just looked at. And so I know that it’s been a, it’s, it’s been a really big fight for you that you’ve taken on to say that this matters and it means something that you’ve been, you’ve seen what happens when you show me grace, like an example of like what happens when, what happened, what used to happen when I would get home late from work,
it would start at the cycle of the Obama by the way. Bottles. Yeah, it was a bomb. But um, I’ll try to find a bomb effect and we’ll put that there. Ready you to, um, yeah, it would just start a cycle of me kind of cutting you down and telling you, you know, whatever helps that I was, that you were late and then you would know. Well yes. And so then you would deflate and, and usually get upset and I would just go back and forth. Then it would just start a bad night.
So, you know, marriage counseling and Edmond Marriage Catskill, Oklahoma City, all the places that I counseled and I’d come home from giving out everything that I had that day. And likely I’m late because I had a situation with a couple or a person that just went longer because a lot of times you can’t marriage counseling into 45 minutes and they had a longer session that man, they just needed it. And a lot of times it felt like life or death, marriage or divorce, kids staying, kids going, I mean it, these are vital situations and I’d come home drain and just need, need to be me and my wife to really wanted you to be, oh, you’re such a hero. Like, like I was coming in on a white horse, some unrealistic expectations. Yeah, we can talk about that later, but I really did and in my mind I’m like, she’s going to be so grateful.
You know that I’ve helped people and then I’ve made a difference in the world and in this family saved now because of all the investment and got moving and me being a part of that and what happened when I got home. Typically you didn’t get bad. I always usually haggard and worn and upset that dinner was a slightly cold or really cold or when our kids were really young. You were, I remember one time I pulled in the driveway, got him, they got in the garage, the garage open, which is a queue and then she meets me. My, my one leg is out of the car and I get this boat back screaming at the top of his lungs, red face, maybe even purple face child. We’ll call him my son, Hayden in my arms. I’m not even standing up yet. Not even standing up because she is done deal and e and she says you can figure it out now.
So that was my welcome. That’s why in some of their previous podcasts, I don’t know if we did, but maybe some of the future ones we’ll talk about the power of transitions from one war, like the workplace to the home. The power of transitions can be the power of transformation of your night, of what you can step into. So a lot of times I didn’t come home ready to engage in what you add. I felt like you needed to be available for what I had. And so as you show me more grace, I mean you are super gracious about me being late and I mean you are. You’re as good as as you’ve ever been. And that’s been profoundly helpful for me because then it’s just my own, my own conscience and conviction of man. I’m letting her down. I’m late. They probably has, she probably has an amazing dinner, which she typically does.
Uh, which is true. There’s a lot of times while we don’t like to eat out because her food at home is if, oh goodness Kaplan stuff, I just can’t strip. Say you’ve gotten better about being closer to the time that you say or we we’ve worked out kind of a system where I really just check in with you late in the afternoon to get a more approximate time of when you’ll be home. So anyway, I would say husbands, it’s not okay to be late like every night. You should work on that. If, if that’s a habit and beers. That’s right. And I overestimated big time what I could do in a day and with the time that I would get home, I might have an hour and a half notes to write, but I would think that, oh, you know, I can finish this, this counseling session up in about 30 minutes and it would take me two hours because of some issue that would explode. And I just was unrealistic. So think of ladies, what ways you could show your husband grace. And a great way to start doing that is in what ways does he inferior at you and do you react? What are some habits that he has that typically create a, there there are a trigger for you to get upset or angry and then identify other ways that you could show him grace. And then one of the things I think is really helpful is to have a script. You know how I like scripts?
Yes. And we like to be kind of comical too. That always breaks out. We’re fine the ice and it helps me to, to give grace, but in a funny way. And it just, it makes it less, um, I don’t know. It breaks that trance of anger and bitterness and rage. Yeah. So the way that I give grace a lot of times is before we even have a chance to talk about it. I mean, we, I can sense weak both consents. There’s tension in the room or whatever. And I will say, I forgive you, Sean, before you even ask for it. And that’s my way of giving grades. But also, um, allowing him to apologize to very smart. You guys should try it. It is really smart. Know early on in her marriage, something that we used to do is we used to call each other, but our parents names, sorry.
That’s right. When one or both of us would demonstrate a behavior that we didn’t like, that we saw in our parents, she would call me, Diane and I were to call her tangle or Teresa. And that went over like a lead balloon on a really, really hot sunny day. And now earlier in our marriage, which was explosive, now it’s a trans brake. And it’s funny because we can go back and forth and say things and our kids now have adapted some of adopted some of our practices with breaking the Trans with humor. And it’s Kinda been a great thing for our family. So it’s a way to show grace and be really intentional. Now there’s a lot of times that it’s not so light that the grace includes us going to God, taking a walk, maybe going, doing some exercise so that we don’t take out our feelings on our spouse.
And for a lot of you ladies that may include writing in a journal, calling a friend, make sure that friend is pro your marriage and most likely like 99.9999% that it’s not a family member because you didn’t want that member becoming angry at your spouse, typically not good for family politics and find ways that you can ask God and invite him into the situation to give you the power to show grace because grace is not some kind of card you get to play just when you screw up. It’s actually the the supernatural power of God infused into you in the situation in a way that changes your abilities. It’s got like the supernatural power to love somebody that’s not lovable, to be kind in situations where typically you’d be responsive and give them back what they deserve. That’s the grace that we need as men.
Trust me. I make a lot of mistakes and when I, one of the Trans breaks is my daughter came up this, she calls me the general because when things, in my estimation, I feel overwhelmed or it’s chaotic, I go into general mode. I like to give olders, I’d like to give directions and I expect immediate obedience. Immediate. Now truth be told that’s not the best way to handle situations in a wartime. Absolutely. The best way you need immediate obedience, but even though it may feel like life and death as this as a man, it’s really not. So when my wife shows me grace and Tana, you really come over and say, honey, can you say that in a gentle way or you use one of our trans brake words like the lecture or General. It really helps me to calibrate when you say it in a loving kind way or you come up and massage my back or just touched me in a kind way.
It really diffuses the situation and helped me to recalibrate. What do you think? Yeah, I mean we, we have, we actually need to do a whole episode on that podcast. Maybe I’ll come back for that podcast about how you really, it’s almost like you have this secret code of touch and, and words that you can create for your spouse and for your family that, um, really just help you communicate without having to have a whole lecture or, um, get angry or take it to a place where you’re just going back and destructive, destructive things. And just, if you learn to diffuse it really early on, it’s really true. And one of the things that I’ve noticed is we all have a secret code that unlocks our hearts and it’s, and, and it’s different for each of us and it needs a season of life that code can change.
And so I know for me, one word that has a previously established meaning for our family helps a lot a word that I won’t argue for that. Okay. Mostly I won’t argue the kids saying, I’m like, I’m not lecturing. I need five seconds before you get to use the word lecture. He just any five, one, two, three, four, five. Okay. Now you can say, but there’s a scripture verse that says where words are many. Sin Is not absent. And so when you show grace, a lot of times it is a touch is with just a few words of kindness. And you know, there’s another scripture. First it says, a gentle answer turns away wrath. Remember that verse? Let’s one of the first ones I taught the kids. Really? Yeah, that John Three 16 for God so loved the world. Yeah. So I think these, this grace is big because it says in the Bible also grace over a multitude of sins.
Maybe it says love covers a multitude of sins. Well, grace is a component of love, isn’t it? This year, without the grace of God, his love would have never been shown because we don’t deserve it. For sure. And a lot of you women are out there saying, my husband doesn’t deserve this kind of grace either. And I would say from practicing marriage counseling and all kinds of counseling, Edmund Oklahoma City, that I agree, most men do not deserve your grace, but I don’t know any person alive that deserves God’s grace. And so the more we tune into him and the way he loves us, the more we will be capable of showing that same kind of love to our spouse.
Yeah. Amen. Yeah. And just one more thing to add every man and, um, woman really bit, we’re talking about men here. Every man is different. So something that we’ve given you that works for us, it may not work for your husband. Um, if you, if he walks in and he needs some grace that day, you know, he’s made a mistake or something and you say, I forgive you, that may not be your best move, that might be the bomb for you. And so you really just have to, to know your spouse and know what ti needs and what works for him.
That’s really good bay. So that goes back to giving your undivided attention because then you can pick up the clues of what’s happening in your marriage. Amen. Amen. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Well guys, thank you so much for tuning in and I’m going to go briefly over the five, five needs every man. Wait, what does it, do you remember exactly what it is?
Five things every man needs from his wife.
Yes. That’s really good. Five things every man wants, wants, wants, and needs emanates from his wife. So the first one is passion. He wants passion in the marriage. Yes. He wants you to get alongside of him and his hobbies to do things that he’s passionate about with him. The second is respect and what? Admiration. Admiration, big time. Third is,
yeah, I can’t say that word. I, if you notice, I still haven’t said it. I have to say it starts with an s and it ends up an X.
My wife is very conservative if you can’t tell, which I love about her, but she had a little better blushing. Again, she’s a one piece kind of lady. She’s a one piece kind of letting her and I love that about her. And the fourth one is what it is. APP undivided attention. See, she wasn’t paying attention. We’re going to have to work on this personally. You guys know a good marriage counselor and Edmond area. Anybody, anybody or maybe the marriage counselor in Oklahoma City, so he’s got the notes. By the way, I don’t have the notes. What are you talking about? I don’t have that great of ice. There was no visual evidence of that that I’m using notes. The fifth one is grace. Grace. Every man needs lots and lots of grace. Well guys, thank you so much for tuning in. I hope that this was amazingly helpful for you.
I hope that you’ve learned a lot about how to specifically love the man in your life in a way that can open him up and every man has that secret code that you’ve got to figure out and once you do, it starts to unlock his heart and then you have access to more emotions, more intimacy than you could ever dream possible. Now for a lot of you, this podcast is great and it’s enough and share with your friends that would we need it and find benefit from it. But there are some of you listening to say Sean tend to, that’s great that you guys have figured out things in your marriage and it’s working, but mine’s not and we need more help. Great News. The great news is we have in Edmond, Oklahoma Marriage counseling for you in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. We have marriage counseling for you and you just go out to New Vision counseling.live and find us on the web.
Contact us. You can call, you can email, fantastic ways to just get the ball rolling. The bars of entry is really low. Just start somewhere. Think about that. How much you paid for your car, your vacation, how much you pay for your, if you have a nice dress or suit or clothes or how much you spend on movies or for some of you that are not baptist, how much you spent on booze. Think about the different things that you spend money on and we love the baptist there, Bible preaching and invest in the most important relationship outside of God in your life and I hope that you call to just see what’s available because you are still worth the time and the investment because we don’t just sit on the couch and listen to a story of your life. We jump into it and help you create the story that you want to be a part of that you’re excited about.
So many people that I’ve worked with, Tanja, how many people do you know that you’ve met out in the community that it said, man, your husband helped me start a business or you know, my marriage was on the very last rope. One Guy, he had his, he, him and his wife, they had it there. They’re actually people that we know really well now. They actually came to me an hour before their meeting with their divorce attorney. I was like one in five or six different therapists. They had seen I was the last ditch effort and after that they were going to go get a divorce and had amazing and it’s, yeah, I can’t really go too many places where I don’t get somebody that has been touched by you. And so it’s a testimony to God and the testimony to the courage of people to fight for their families, to fight for their highest ideal of who god called them to be.
So I know that you’re listening. I know that you’re listening today that that that’s you and if, and if that’s you and this resonates, I mean, I just want to give you the courage at so many people, no matter where they’ve started, are living very different lives. A lot of them were single, now they’re married. They were, they didn’t have kids. Now they do. They were working for somebody. Now they have their own business. Because what we do is we just really help you connect to the very best that God has for your life. And that’s the next step for you. So great talking with you today. If you would go rate us on Google helps a lot to get the word out of what we’re doing here and we’re going to continue to, to do our best to bring you great content that you can apply to your marriage, your family, your life, and your business. God bless and I look forward to talking with you again really soon. What’d he say? Tanta by everyone. I’ll be back soon.