I’m Sean McGuire and this is the New Vision counseling Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City live podcast, a place where we help you discover what better looks like for you and equip you with the tools to create it. Today on episode number 37 we’re going to be talking about part two of is your child’s bad behavior. You’re fault. Specifically, we’re going to focus on correcting negative behavior because if you have a kid, you know that they have negative behavior. We all have had or currently have negative behaviors that need to be coached, corrected, and adjusted so that we can move forward in life in great ways. So one of the tasks that we have as parents because we need to own it, is our responsibility. Now, some of this, as we discussed before, is copied behavior. It really is, and there’s ownership that we need to take, and if we spend most of our time being defensive, arguing that it’s not our fault, then our kids and our families and our marriages and our relationships and people that love our kids, everyone that touches our family will suffer because of it.
But I know that’s not you because you’re listening to this podcast because you want better for yourself, you want better for your kids and so you’re going to take these recommendations and you’re going to implement them as appropriate and this season of your life. So here’s some great ways to do that. The first one is recognize good behavior. What is good behavior look like and your children and do this as often as possible. Validate the good that you see. You know, often tell people reward what you want to see more of in consequence. What’s you want to see less of. Now when I do Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City, Edmond in Oklahoma City or even when I live in my house in Edmonton with my, with my wife and my kids, this is something that I often say and be careful guys and girls. When you say this to people around you, the wise ones, we’ll utilize it on you as well.
So I’m often told, dad, didn’t you tell us a reward? What we like to see and consequences, what we don’t want to see. And so I get both rewards and consequences from those. In my life. But when we find ways to consistently validate the good behaviors that we want to see, then we’re going to likely see more of it. You know, myself and one of my buddies, Brad Montgomery, he lives in Edmond, Oklahoma and uh, he’s a fantastic candidate for Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City and pretty much all the kinds of counseling as they both are because he loves his family so much. And we do this thing called football coaching and it’s a great way to validate these young boys in the areas that they see they can succeed in. And what we’ve observed is we really get to know the parents and the way that they raised their kids by the behaviors that we see on the field.
And by the way, these parents interact with their kids. You know, we have one dad that man, he is so great and I think his name was Mike at tell him his kids, our son, when he’s doing a great job and validating it and telling him things he wants to improve on, we know we can count on him. A son, his name is Jake. To jump in there and be like Jake and you could throw the ball, Jake, you need to give more effort. We know that we can count on him, we can weak out to do that, and so because he validates that behavior, his son makes a lot of effort to improve and it’s become a student of the game which makes everybody’s experienced greater because he’s improved as a player and now everybody on our team is better because of it. Also, in order to know what behavior is copied, what behavior needs to change and correct it, we need to be present.
We need to be president or church, we need to be present with school. We need to be present in areas of their life, social, athletic, other events. We need to know our children’s lives and we didn’t know what they’re involved in. That’s why for me, coaching is a great experience. Even though a lot of times they don’t feel like I have the time to coach and I would like to do a lot more, really makes a big difference for me to be a part of that part of my son’s life. Now my daughter sees that and I’ve coached her and now she wants me to be the drama director. She’s like, Dad, you can do anything. Lord. Bless her soul. I can do anything but like meat loaf said, he says I can do anything for love, but I won’t do that. I think that’s the same experience I have.
I can do anything for love, my little baby girl, but I can’t coach drama. I can’t. That is not my flow. I would if I could. So it’s being available to be involved in your kids’ activities, to be around your kids activities in their lives, even if you’re not in charge of it. So I go to all her drama plays. I go to all the different acting. We’re actually taking a you demi few, listen to a lot of these clot podcasts. You know that I like to learn and we have a culture of learning at New Vision counseling with these amazing Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City counselors, a trauma counselors. We also have a culture in Edmond, Oklahoma where I live of learning. My wife’s a voracious learner. I think maybe when our kids get older, she might become a mad scientist because she likes to study and really watched tons of documentaries about all these great things that you could do with life.
So being present, we know this about each other and we see what our kids are exposed to and we know the kind of peers that they’re around. We know the kind of teachers, the people that are influencing them. It’s a big deal. Another area is ask questions concerning their behavior without being too critical to judgmental. You know, for example, you might say with your kids, you know, my son would play, he plays football and I coach and I’m like, hey buddy, it seems like you and this other boy man, you were, you were getting after. It seems like you’re really irritated at each other today. What’s going on there? And that’s pretty specific. I’m not actually, that’s kind of what you, unless you have a really good relationship, you don’t want to say, Hey, I noticed that so and so was upset what was going on?
That’s a more effective way to do it. The first one I gave you is my natural bent without a filter. So ask what happened? What’s going on? It seems like you’re upset. Can you tell me more about that? And you’ll get to know your child and waste and most effectively talk to them. I think a few s I gave you seven keys of intimate conversations with your kids to do listen to it for all your podcasts and I think that will help with this exact conversation. Another areas coach your child to see better ways to behave in the future. Coach them, coach them to see. I love coaching. It’s one of the DNA is the way that God made me. I feel great when I’m coaching people to connect their lives now to success later by the behaviors that they engage in daily. So one of the ways you can do that as you can help your son or daughter’s see ways that their behavior is creating consequences in their life, that they don’t like to be a part of.
Like my remember with my kids when they’re little that would say they would pray that they would pray and they’d actually ask God because I still ingrained in them that there are consequences or their fault that they own it. That please don’t let Daddy, uh, don’t make, or they’d ask God. I’m trying to think, cause this was when they were little. They pray prayers like just it over dinner. Um, God help us to listen to daddy so that we don’t get in trouble and, and make daddy give us consequences because we need it. Lord. Just, and you’re just so amazing to hear their language of how we add, indoctrinated them with that they are responsible. And a lot of people say, well, don’t indoctrinate. Listen, listen, everybody is indoctrinated. Or at least people move towards indoctrinating them every single day. It’s called social media. It’s called marketing.
People spend billions of dollars. They understand this conscious and unconscious indoctrination. So coach your child as best as you can to have amazing opportunities in the future or what you teach them to do today. Another way is because you’re in their lives because you’re involved in their daily friends and things like that. As best as you can, do your best to limit negative experiences with peers, limit negative influences in their lives as best as you can. Now there’s, uh, a group of people that would say, no, my kids need to experience everything they need to get out in the real world while they’re with me. So they can make decisions when they’re not with me. That is true to a point I believe in giving, you know, very strategic experiences with kids and other peers that are outside of our flow. But as they’re being raised, I want the high nineties for them, 95 to be around the people that we’re going to give them, the character that we’re getting.
Give them the word of God that we’re going to give them the elements they need to make decisions when we’re not around later. And I’m going to limit the harmful influences. I’m going to limit the negative peer interactions, but I also am not going to remove those areas completely because I think it’s great for my kids to be around when we go. When we used to go to parks, I go to different parks, not just the ones that are around our house. And I remember we went to this park one time and when we got done playing some shooting baskets and walking around, um, I love to bring kids together and play. It’s just kind of one of the things I really enjoy doing. I love to coach and so I don’t have to know them. And we’re playing and we got done and these kids start talking about all the different ways that their parents are living.
One person said, yeah, I’m not, I’m not living with, I live with my grandmother because my dad, he’s in jail now. The person said, yeah, the person my mom is living with is not her husband. It’s her new boyfriend or you know, um, I don’t really have a place to live right now, live with my cousin. Uh, because both of my parents are not around and my kids just never forgot that. And they still sometimes talk about that one experience and this is in our town that they had of people outside their flow. So just be very conscious of limiting the harmful influences. Now guys, here’s the, here’s the mirror talk. Here’s the, here’s a time. Get the mirror out and look at yourself.
If you were in my office, you would know this is being sent with the utmost amount of love, with the utmost amount of respect and honor to you. But we need to be aware that our kids will not grow up in a bubble, that we are the most important influencers in their life. And I could tell you through counseling for 25 years, I mean Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City, marriage counseling, parent counseling, children’s counseling, all kinds of counseling I’ve specialized in and now I’m an been in Oklahoma City, that every issue is somehow related back to the way that they were raised, the way that they interpreted the way they were raised, the way that they did life because of it, period. Now I’m not blaming every single issue on appearance because that’s a way, way big, too big of an overstatement, but I’m saying it’s related to, so the more effective that we can be at identifying our issues, the more impactful we can be in directing our kids to live a life where they’re blessed, where they’re living by their choices, by their intentions, a great life.
They’re not just letting life happen to them and we’re not just letting them, their moods dictate what they do or their, whatever their circumstances determine how far they go and what careers they pick. Because whatever’s easiest, a lot of people will fall to naturally. No, you’re not that kind of parent. You’re the kind of parent that is going to jump in there, get into Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City, get into a men’s group or a woman’s Bible study or get around some friends that can hold you accountable or do a book study on how to be a great parent. Read a book like Tony Evans, raising kingdom kids or shepherding a child’s heart or dare to discipline back in the day with old James Dobson. I pray that you really take this to heart and you jump into these areas because they will absolutely re revolutionalize the way you parent and their revolutionalize the way your kids have an opportunity to create an incredible life because you had the courage to step into the spaces that are awkward, that are uncomfortable and you know you may be the person that reaches out to us after this podcast because you’ve said, you know what?
I need more. I want more, and you’re ready to be honest. You’re going to drop the facade. Nobody’s the perfect parent. I’m not a perfect parent. I pray almost every day, literally almost every day that God gives grace to my kids for my failures, that God gives grace to my kids because I’m not as patient as the way I see Jesus would love them and be and be patient with them. I don’t make all the great choices that I, that I know I could make from from eating an ice cream cone to not dating my wife every week or every other week and the way that I want to. There’s so many areas that we all can improve on and we don’t win any prizes for pretending to be perfect, pretending to be better than we are. What our kids win if we do that is the consequences of a fake life as the consequences of, well, why did my, why is my life not working out because my ma, my parents pretend relationship or pretend this seemed like it did, but what happens when we draw back the curtain and we’re honest and authentic?
I mean, our kids have a great shot to create an amazing life and so what we can do is get support. I talked about this before. If you have a friend, I mean share this podcast with them. I think it be crazy helpful with them and aligning them with where you want to go with your children, with the support that you need. Reach out to a pastor or somebody at your church. I said, join a Bible study. Join a men’s group, create one, reach out to your friend and maybe none of this is enough. Maybe your first step because of where you’re at. Because if you’re the kind of person that’s like, you know what, I’ve just discovered I can do better and I need more help and I’m going to get it. You know, the fastest way to make quick improvements is get coaching or get counseling.
That’s, that’s reality. I, I get coaching and I’ve gotten counseling and I feel like that’s a lifelong benefit. And so maybe that’s you. And if it is, then you’re going to want to do more. You’re gonna want to reach out, go to our website, new visiting counseling.live. We have a team of Christian counselors that Mary Biblical principles with cutting edge counseling, loved it. Jump into your story with you today and maybe it’s marriage counseling and Edmond or Oklahoma City, or maybe it’s some kind of a consulting across the nation. Whatever you need, maybe it’s parenting, whatever, whatever that is, we want to be there for you to jump into your story and help you. And as you’ve listened to this, if you found value in, it’s been helpful. Really means a lot to me. If you really rate us on Google, it’s a way that people make decisions.
The New Vision counseling dot. Live website is a way that people find us. They make choices to change their life daily because of what people like you do. Through sharing your experiences of how we’ve impacted your life means a lot to me when you do, because it really is our calling to help you see in others that you don’t have to live stuck, that there’s so much better available for you if you just take that next step, God’s going to move in your life today. Hey, remember we’re a place, new visions, a place where we help you discover what better looks like for you, and then we equip you with the tools to create it. Thanks for listening and talk to you again really soon.