Hi everyone. Welcome back to the New Vision counselling podcast. Episode Number Four. Today we’re going to be talking about setting goals in Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City, and this typically happens at the end of session one and then it goes on to continue to session two through the end of your journey. You see that neither is in counseling in Oklahoma City. We believe that counseling should be an organic process, not that we bring Kale and spinach and asparagus from natural grocers or sprouts to every session, but we believe that God created us to be organic, to live out of how he created us. So that means we eat real food. That means he wants you to get in the real son, get exercise. He wants you to have a real relationship based on communication with each other. Time together, and authentic relationships in our society is so easy these days to replace those real relationships with Facebook, other social media avenues, even TV, even watching sermons on Youtube can replace the authentic relationship needs we have.

And also organic means that it’s dynamic that it’s ever evolving and ever changing. So each session I typically have an agenda that I intend to go through with where the people’s, you know, were at last time and where they seem to be going and what God’s directing. But I will always be available to adjust and change based upon where they’re at and what the needs they have in that particular session that will move them closer to their goals and achieving them. So organic dynamic Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City is a huge part of how we help people. And that includes prayerfully considering starting strategies, setting goals with objectives from the first session and continuing to do that each session in some capacity moving forward. So the second session or the end of the first, we get an a lot of different issues after getting to know you. The first time we talked about the first session is where we really get to know you, the real person that’s authentic, the person that has fears, maybe low self esteem, struggles with anxiety.

Maybe you’re a very successful person in the world’s eyes, but internally you feel like a failure. And that’s why you have this drive that moves you so, so much that it’s costing you your family because you’re devoting too much time to work or maybe you feel like you’re a failure as a parent, so you’re giving your kids so much that you’re spoiling them. Whatever those areas are are typically flushed out first session and a lot of ways and continuing to. The second one is we discover what the issues are, trauma, and let’s say you have trauma. Let’s say something really bad happened like you were molested or bullied in school, or maybe your parents just weren’t available to mentor. Love to parent you because they worked and they had to put food on the table. Whatever those are, they come out and and how they affect your marriage and what’s going on in the relationship today.

Also, if there’s people coming in with adultery, we begin to go down the path of exactly what does that look like? What does it chronic? Did it happen over time? Was it a one night stand? And oftentimes if it’s something that’s chronic, that’s happened a lot, I will see that person. The person. Oftentimes it’s the man, but progressively women are more and more seem to be unfaithful to their spouses as well and our culture. So in our our, you know, place in Oklahoma City, in Edmond, we really focus on identifying the areas of issues, but then identifying resources that surround you. So we’ll start with your community. Who are your friends? Who are the people in your family that you identify with and your friends and people at work that are resources that can help you grow, that are pro year marriage that are pro you.

And then who are those people? Even if they’re in your family, even if they’re your parents that are costing you and or your marriage dearly because you let them have access to your heart. You let him have influence of your life. But in reality they’re poisoning your marriage. They’re even poisoning your mind. And so we identify those people, we identify the people that we want to bring it closer, that are resources that loved God, love you and are helping move the needle of, of success up. And we identified those that are taking away. I’m subtracting and it’s really clear when he started to do that where people need to be in proximity to your marriage and your family. Those that support you, they should have access to the inner most parts of your life if they’re healthy in their own ways, and those that are subtracting and toxic, even if their last name is the same as yours or their brother or sister or mother or father.

God made it really clear in the Bible that the first family we have is the family that guy gives us, right? That’s where we start, but as we go through life and become adults and we serve God, he puts us far ports. It’s far more emphasis on the relationship with him and serving God first, letting Jesus be Lord. Then he does remaining in allegiance to your parents and you know, I’m going to do a whole podcast on how to handle inlaws and your family of origin of where you were raised, who the people are that were most important to you. Because I see this as a profound issue and so many marriages and so many couples get caught up in living out of what they were taught growing up. Instead of letting God blow the lid off of that ceiling that they gave you and creating a new life with only the perimeters of heaven as the limiting factors of how far you can go of what you can believe of, how he can heal you and what kind of relationships you can enjoy, even in addition to your family relationships.

So they’re not limiting you. You know, I just, I need to go into that a little bit more. So your family of origin is such a big deal of how you’re raised, whether it’s a Stepdad, stepmom, you’re a two biological parents or by one parent, it’s so big. I remember one couple came and their big issue was we just need help with communication. So I got to know them and this was a couple, I don’t know, 10 15 years ago. I’ve seen thousands of people and I will never use the real names. Even if people are giving me permission, I rarely will use the real names, but never if they don’t give me permission. So let’s say they call this couple, let’s say it’s Dylan and Skylar and they come to Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City for communication and they have communication issues and they’re arguing over these things. I get to know this couple and that just, it doesn’t resonate with me.

I don’t see there too. Just amazingly beautiful people and I mean she, she’s a loving wife. He’s just a diligent husband and as I get to know them, I realize you know the, her dad had died and her dad was a hero. He was, he was the everything to the family. Sounded like a great guy who was really successful in business, but he had died a few years, maybe a year earlier and it was obvious he was still grieving the loss because his, he was so significant to her life and how she lived in, well this, this man’s mother, she did not detach. She was still holding really tight that she should be the prime and Dylan’s life, that she should be the one that he calls when he has a bad day at work, the one that he goes and visits and calls on his way home from work. She wasn’t willing to give that real love.

She wasn’t letting him leave that family and they learn, only been married a year. And so it was creating this crazy tension that looked like it was their issue. Dylan has scholars, but as we peel back the onion, we realized it wasn’t their issue. Something that she was bringing into the marriage that was making it toxic. And so the development happened where we walked through that and they became healthier. They became getting, they began getting more and more clarity of where this issue was coming from and it wasn’t them. And so they began to get stronger and their communication, they began to get stronger and their love and affection and to heal because she was hurt. She was hurt that he didn’t stick up for her. And the mom was allowed to be critical. And believe it or not, guys, she was even critical of us ladies hero, her to see stat.

I remember we invited them in to identify girl who invited the guys, parents in and that the dad was passive. The mom is real domineering and Dylan’s parents came in and we, we talked about goals and we talked about this and she just got ugly in our session and she wasn’t kind and she was just rebellious and towards them and not really willing to listen. So we parted ways and they’re like, we don’t want to do a session with her again unless you walked them through the steps that are necessary to be healthy with us. So I saw them independently and for awhile it seemed like it was going good. Maybe your Wyoming two sessions, but I was really clear about, look, you cannot bring this lady’s dad again. You cannot say anything negative about this lady’s Dad. I mean your beliefs about her childhood is, that’s really not your place.

Test. Speak out on that. And she couldn’t get it. And I, and I said, look, I said, she loves her dad. I said, you should not be surprised if you start to criticize her dad. I said, because of what I seen you do. And I’ve observed her reaction in our set one session together. If she gets up and she slaps you and runs out of the room, and that’s the end of your relationship. I said, I’m not condoning it. I’m just making you aware of the level of offense and hurt that you’re creating this, this, this lady’s life who’s trying to build a marriage with your son because you’re, you’re condemning and criticizing her deceased debt. So we have this session and I, I coached them on how to be forgiving, how to be loving, how to, you know, navigate and if they want to do things differently that these parents would allow them to build their own life.

Well, guess what happened guys? She criticized this lady’s dad again. The lady got up, looked at her and I thought, here comes, oh, and she didn’t slap her, but she walked out. And that was the last session that they had because the, the, the mother refused to give up her beliefs about how they should live life. She refused to let them grow into a marriage that was healthy. And then interesting enough, the couple moved away. He took a position out of state and I think it really was to get away from them. And you know, they, you know, it’s cool that I get emails and texts or phone calls or even Christmas cards from clients because part of my joy comes from seeing the people that I serve, succeed and seeing them grow and to creating amazing families. And I have kids and, and it’s a joy.

I still hear from them every so often about where they’re at, how they’re doing, and they’re doing amazing. They have kids and they’re living a great life. And so part of the Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City journeys, identifying where are the real issues come from now they had a physical representation of the parents and where the issues came from. But oftentimes it’s not that because parents sometimes will change for the better or for the worse as they get older. It’s, it’s what we carry within ourselves that creates the havoc in the chaos and the problems in our marriage. And so we’re identifying those and then we have lots of different practical steps, whether it’s neuro linguistic programming, whether it’s cognitive behavioral therapy, e, n, d, r, whether it’s a myriad of different ways, relationships, solution focused to serve and help you navigate for these. We have all kinds of communication techniques, but there’s ways that we get you involved in your community.

We encourage you to be around people that are going in the same or similar direction and share your values and faith, family, finances, because you will become like the five people you surround yourself with the most, the podcasts you’ve listened to, the books, the church, and the people that will be your, your future over the next five years if who you’re living with and investing in and who’s investing in you today. That’s why you gotta be careful the TV and social media you allow into your mind because there was no such thing as a nurse that people are always moving towards or away from. God. I hope this was helpful in lowering the bar and just getting you excited of just how much opportunity is available on Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City and you know, what are the ones we’re going to do in the near future. Maybe the next episode is premarital counseling.

I really want to get a lot of different Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City specifically out there so that people that are curious instead of having to risk coming to a session, which I think is great and you should do that, but you can listen to what maybe it would be like for you because it’s really cool to be heard and seen for who you are and valued. It’s just an amazing experience and feeling that gives you confidence that you know, I am worth something and I can have a great life if I just stay the course in counseling like God do his amazing work. Life transformation happens. Hey, if you like this, go to our Facebook page and division, counseling, Okc or Instagram, same thing. Nuvision cats in the Oklahoma City, but it’s spelled OKC. And we also have, if you want more information about us or watch some videos of some clients we’ve seen go to new good, a new vision counseling.org and we know it’s an honor to serve Oklahoma City, Edmond, and really the state of Oklahoma.

And sometimes we do phone consulting with people outside of our state, outside of our country. And the consulting allows us to really have a greater impact on other people in the world. But we love serving Oklahoma, Oklahoma City, and Edmond, we have some of the most amazing people here. You know, I grew up in Florida and love, love Florida, but I’ve got to tell you, Oklahomans first thing in the Oklahoma City, Edmond area are just amazing people. They help each other, they serve each other. So it’s a great community to be a part of. Have a great day. Make this day great by the choices you make and the thoughts you entertain. And I will see you again. God bless.