Hi everyone. I’m Sean McGuire and I want to welcome you to the New Vision counseling.live podcast, episode number 21 wow. 21 episodes in. This has been fun. You know, I just recorded an episode with one of my friends. His podcast is called scriptures and stories. His name is Rashawn Copeland and he really dialed into why I got into this field of Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City and psychology. He wanted to know what made this unique, what kind of elements about New Vision or different than other places, and that’s really easy. Not only do we have a faith based practice where we value people beyond what they bring to us, which is money and problems. We see that they are called by God to live out and an exceptional identity as sons and daughters of a king who is amazingly loving and has a fantastic identity for them to discover which fits right into our mission statement of and divergent counseling.
We help you discover what better looks like for you and then we equip you with the Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City tools to create it and it was so much fun. This guy at Rashawn. I know, my name is Sean, his is Rashawn is spelled r. A. S. H. A. W. N. S. H. A. W. N. We get along so good. He’s like my brother from another mother and we’re talking going back and forth. This is one of those brothers that he brings the best out of me. He really minds the depth of all the reading, the growth that I’ve had in Christ and all the experience. He minds it deeply and he really brings my best out and it’s great to find people in your life to do that. And the reason I talk about him right now, because today I’m going to talk about how to ask for what you want and Never Sharma’s persistent. He’s been wanting me to do this podcast with him for a long time.
He’s, he’s such a cool dude. He’s wanting me to write books with them cause he’s an author. He wants me to do Facebook because he’s a social media influencer. He successful in all these areas, but yet he considers me as mentor and he’s always inviting me into these experiences and he won’t stop. He’s, he’s persistent and consistent. And so eventually I do what he asks because he’s there and I love him. So if you want to have people that know what you want, then you’ve got to be clear with your communication. You’ve got to ask for what you want. You’ve got to assume that you can get it. I’m going to go over five steps that will really help you in the process of getting an asking for what you want. So the first part is, before you even bring the conversation up, I want you to think about times in your life right now where you did not get what you want.
Now I want you to think, did you actually ask the person for exactly what you want? And if so, did you expect to get it? I remember early on in my life when I was single, you know, when I first started to date, I would try to conjure up as much Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City confidence as I possibly can muster and go talk to a girl and ask her out, or asking her to do something on a walk. And Man, if, if it’s like predators, if they could sense that you’re not confident, then it’s not going to go really well. It’s not like the Peter Parker Spiderman where he’s super awkward with the pretty girl and then she likes in many ways. And that’s really not how it typically plays out. We’re attracted to confidence. We’re attracted to people that believe what they’re asking us to do. If somebody is trying to sell you something and yet they fail to believe in their own product and they, they, when you ask them questions, they kind of look away or they look down.
You’re not going to be sold unbelieving that what they’re selling you is right for you or will even work the way they’re describing it. So the first way to ask for what you want is to expect you’re going to get it before you ask. You know, the Bible says faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen. And so ask where the positive expectation that while you’re asking role eventually or soon or sooner or later happen. And you know, if you go even further to that faith, Hebrews faith scripture, it’s ask is if you already have had the request taking place, ask it as if it’s already taken place. It gets a done deal that you expect to get a yes because it’s already happened. If you start to move and these kinds of ways, your competence level elevate, your increased success of yeses will elevate because you’ll be looking to bring into your awareness that which will help you get a yes.
It’s called your reticular activating system, your Ras, and it basically whatever you believe it brings into your, whatever you’re focused on, it starts to bring into your awareness that what you need to accomplish it. So if I’m trying to get out of debt, you know my ras will bring in jobs that I could do, ways that I could budget, areas that I’m spending too much and then I can lower and it will bring those into my awareness. So expect that you’ll get it. The second step is to assume you can. Don’t just start with the assumption that you can’t get what you’re asking for. If you ask a girl out or a guy out on a date, but you don’t think you’re worth of them, I don’t think that date is going to happen. It might, but date one may happen. But if you still believe that you’re not good enough for them, that you may not be worthy, then I doubt it’s going to continue because boy, lack of confidence is not attractive.
And he said, Sean, I don’t have confidence. Listen, I’m not asking you to be the most confident person in the world. I’m just giving you steps so that you know how to ask for what you want or what you say you want, makes a big difference and then assume that you can do what you’re asking. I assume that you can, that it’s going to happen. So if you’re going to, let’s say for turned something and it has been like a few days over the due date and you know it’s been 30 days, 32 days in a 30 day policy, but you’re like, man, my iPad busted. This is, this is messed up. Apple may not be the best example because they’re like Fort Knox with all their stuff, systems and processes sometimes, but maybe it is. Maybe it is the best example because you go to the apple store with the understanding of, hey, this product should have worked.
It was sold to me like this. The battery died. I can’t fix it. You say you can’t fix it. I just need you to give me a new one. I’ve been a customer. And you go in there with his confidence and then if the salesperson says no, then you elevate it, you elevate it, and then you go through all the steps in channels believing every time that the right thing to do. Is that for you to get a new iPad because this one was faulty, faulty, the third step and asking for what you want and guys, look, I’ve seen this work in Oklahoma City, Edmond, where I live, I’ve seen it work in Tulsa. I see an Oregon, Florida. I feed this work everywhere with whoever I talked to, including if not especially in my own personal life.
So the third one is acts. Someone who can give it to you. So if you’re at an apple store trying to return an iPad and it’s obvious the salesperson does not have the authority to make that next move, to return or to give you a new one, then there’s no sense in wasting your time spinning out in the mud with them. Go ahead and ask for the person that can make the decision with the authority to make that request happen. This is true in all areas of life. You want to find the person who has the power to make the choice and navigate your way to them as quickly as you possibly can. And you can do that by asking, Hey, who’s authorized to make this decision? If you’re not capable of doing this, if that’s not within your, uh, clerical or your wheel house or your role responsibilities, who can make this decision I’m asking you for?
And then rapidly as fast as you can, move to that person, still remembering you’re expecting to get it and you assume you can get it in the process. Now, the fourth one of asking for what you want is be clear and specific. This is an area of my wife says I have trouble with, is I’m not always as clear and as specific as I think I am. She’ll tell me I’m not, especially when we order food at chick filet, she’s like, Oh, I’m not sure they got that right. Thankfully they repeated back to me. So I don’t know if they did or not. So when I do seminars, I can ask people what they want. And a lot of people say more money or a better relationship. Well really that’s not very clear. So it was a better relationship to somebody who is, whose, whose spouse is cheating on them.
Is that stopping cheating? But maybe for this other person, a better relationship is that we go on dates once a week because right now we only go on them once every two weeks and that amazing, right? something we teach through Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City. So be very clear. And if the person says no, then ask, you know why they’re saying no, be be clear and specific. Say, you know, I really need this. And they said, well, no, I can’t do that. We’ll be clear and specific on the reasons why that you, you need that because clarity starts to make the goal more attainable. It makes the goal more attainable and being specific lets people know what you’re asking them for and they don’t have to stress out about [inaudible]. If you’re asking for more than they think or less than it really helps bring you both in a place of more peace and a structure and it gives you room to grow and get what you need from that person in that situation.
The fifth is ask repeatedly, ask repeatedly, what did I just say? Ask repeatedly. These are five ways to ask for what you want and it’s asking repeatedly. You’ve got a great story of how we, the House that we’re in now, we looked at this house, we were looking for five years for land that’s not outrageously expensive, close enough to where we do live, where I work, but not too close to, it’s in the city with people on top of us, like our last house in the neighborhood and we all made an offer of the south. I offered full price. I offered full price for this house and believe it or not, somebody came in and offered over full price. There was five offers in two days. The realtor was a Christian and when my wife and my daughter realized that we didn’t get it, they both got up and walked away.
He started crying. It Lou, dude, this, yeah, it was a bad deal. But this guy said, Shawn, I’ve never seen this not work out in 20 years of doing and Realtor, I’ve never seen God not be faithful to one of the people I’m serving. And so I said, all right, and I called him, listen to this, call them every single day and listen to this. It’s a cash deal, so there’s no way this could fall through. It’s a cash deal. This guy is the cash to pay for this house. It was going to make it easier on the buyers, the sellers and I called every day, everyday, nothing. Nothing called him the next morning. Hey Steve, how’s it going? Hey, any news? Nope. I pray. We pray. The family callback, callback, callback. My family doesn’t know that I’m calling every day because they don’t want them to get their hopes up.
I’m owning it. I’m taking the responsibility and asking every day and I’m trusting, praying, believing, God do this. Cause it’s the only house we’ve seen that really felt like it should be our house. Five years, five years. We’re looking to say we’re picky. I’m picky is an understatement, right? So one day I call and he’s like, well they’re the owners. Not really happy with the guy who’s buying it because he keeps asking him to do more stuff. Guess what? It fell apart over a $400 fence around the pool that the guy that was selling, she’s like, look, I’ve done all this other work. I’m not doing another thing. If you want this house, it’s as is. And he walked and he said, Sean Maguire, you’re up next. So I have a house now that I mean because I trusted God in faith and ask, believing, prayed and silently with between God and I, God give us the grace.
And now we live in this amazing house because of repeatedly asking, well, hey, hope this was really helpful if you liked this, this was uh, a really great way to jump into just thinking about how to ask for what you want and some really simple steps. And I know it would be great if you begin to apply these steps to your life today. And if you like this, go to our, go to our podcast or in our New Vision counseling, Okc, Instagram and Facebook like us. It really helps to get the reviews up so that people can see what we’re doing and how we can help you change your life, whether it’s through a podcast or through coming to see us as Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City counselors. We have a team of Christian counselors. We’re faith based where we marry biblical principles with cutting edge counseling techniques to join you in your store wherever you’re at today.
Because our Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City mission is to help you discover what better looks like for you and then equip you with the tools to create it. How amazing is that? Right? Thank you so much for listening and listen, you don’t have to wait for a great day to happen anymore. You don’t have to wait for a great marriage, a great friendship, nope. Because today you get to go out and take actionable steps to start making them happen for you. Today, I believe in you. God’s called you. You can do this. It’s your life. It’s the only one you’ve got to start living today. Talk to you again really soon.