Hi, this is Shawn Mcguire with a new vision counseling.live podcast, episode number 18 now, recently we’ve been talking about why a man needs respect and why a woman needs love and how they’re both vital to the success of healthy marriages. You know, I know in Oklahoma City, Edmond, this is profoundly important even in the Bible belt or you know, around our Okc folks and Edmond and even down there and Tulsa. This is a cute, super, super huge area that we need to work on because it’s just a demonstration of understanding of people are now, there’s always the one offs where a woman needs more respect than a man and you know more than a typical woman or a man needs more love and in a, in a more of a standard roll feminine way. And that’s okay because God made us all unique. And so that’s just the Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City adjustment that you can make as I share these truths.
Now we’ll be talking about a buddy Emerson Eggerichs. Now, when I say buddy, I mean I read his book and I feel like I know him because authors put a lot of their heart and soul into the writing, especially a guy like that. Emerson Eggerichs, egg, e, r. I, C, h. S put a lot of his life’s work as a pastor into this and it really changed the landscape and added something to the field of psychology and Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City, especially marriage counseling. And I found that when he talked about respect, he really did it as someone with authority who had made a lot of mistakes early on but really corrected it. And the first time we went over in our first podcast, we went over the crazy cycle. Do you guys remember, have you listened to the crazy cycle? If you haven’t, go back. It’s basically how it, that’ll love without love, a woman will act disrespectful, react, disrespectful to a man.
And without respect, a man will react and act, disperse or unloving towards a woman or his wife, as I’m going to be talking about today. So thinking about in your own marriage, your own life, how could this positively impact your situation? What kind of fights you get in? What are they about? How often do the same fights occur? Is there certain times of the day centered around kids activities, money, you know, I know as a provider, respect is really important to me because I work outside of the house. When we first married, until we had kids and my wife worked as well, that was our deal and now she stays inside and I feel like when she values me as a provider, my heart sings and not just say great job for making money, but when she says things like, you know, Sean, you really led well by getting up early and you know, we know that every day you spend time with God.
We know that every day that if you’re sick or not sick, you get up and you love people through Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City. You serve them. You serve on this men’s ministry called true north, and we just respect what you’ve given us. As an example, I’ll tell you when I hear that I can run through a wall, well maybe not cause you know 170 pounds, 65 pounds, but, but I feel like I could with the way that I’ve been just respected and honored and I know that women, when you’re loved, well, I see this happen and I see the the defenses melt away when you know a man is safe and I went over the second, you know the podcast before this one, podcast, 17 over the couple analogy and the couple of analogy or the acronym basically goes over what a man needs to do to spell and show love for his wife and it’s closeness, openness, understanding, peacemaking, peacemaking, loyalty and esteem.
Now if you want to know more about it, go back to that podcast and go into great detail about each one. This time I’m going to tell you how to spell respect for your husband and I could go, I this could be a 45 minute podcast. It’s going to be a four month podcast because of how much we as men need n e d respect. When you communicate with us, we need respect. I know that a lot of my friends in the area around Oklahoma City and Edmond, they are always talking about how when their wives said something positive about them, it made them feel amazing. I know that when guys get up and I see them speak that are my friends and I hear them talk about how when they first were married they made all these bad choices and you know they looked at porn and they did these things and their wife would just hammer them hard and then they talked today about how their wives tells them they’re so PR.
She’s so proud of him, how he leads their family and it just makes my heart sing because I know that’s the heart of God. When a man and woman are in sync, then the glory comes through their story of how they love and how they respect each other. So the way to do this for a man, there’s lots of ways, but I’m going to give you an acronym that I really think will be helpful and I’m going to take it from this book I told you to go out and get or listen to an audible by Emerson Eggerichs. It’s called love and respect and it’s chairs. It’s how to spell respect for your husband, the c h. A I. R. S, the sea, you know that stands for, it stands for conquest. Appreciate. I think I’ve shared this about me personally. His need and desire to achieve, to be somebody to pursue a dream.
You know, I know I have a buddy named Jeff and he went camping re he may can’t be last year. And he was all guys and he said, look at this. He’s a, he was just in his element, man. He was like Baird realists out there, you know, and this guy has two amazing kids and a wife who loves him. There are little house on the prairie family by the way. They live their life. If he reads the Bible every night to his kids, he’s got this real melodic voice. He’s just a tender hearted guys, all this great stuff, but mainly get them out camping. This guy comes alive. He’d say, look, there’s just estrogen dripping off the walls of my home. So in his element, he is just achieving. He’s just out there on this adventure. Loves it, loves it, loves it, loves it, loves it.
And so when you validate a man’s need to work to achieve to that masculine side of him and that way, and he feels great. You know, my wife, when she supports me, the dream of creating a Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City movement, not just a center, not just an agency. Now I don’t want any of that. I want a movement that moves across our, you know, we’re an Oklahoma City, Edmond, Tulsa, you know, Norman, wherever we move out, mushroom from where people’s lives are changed and she supports that. And it means the world to me as a man when she does. Now that the h is hierarchy, appreciate his desire to protect and provide. Now my whole life, this has been a big deal. And guys have been, you know, nights, people that are honorable men have been valued for this, you know, uh, army, the military there, there’s some of the best people I know.
There’s men and women today in it and they sacrifice their lives for us. I mean they serve and protect. So when a guy does this man a love or respect, honor, show him appreciation and all the ways that he needs it because it will make his heart come alive. So when, uh, the next one is authority, appreciate his desire, his desire to serve and lead. You know, I think there’s been a gross and a gross negligence and the Christian Church for many years, many years about how, you know, the man’s, the head of the house, spiritual leadership has been really a gauntlet or a Ha, a really, uh, a sledgehammer to take advantage of women being raised by a single mom. Like I have been, I have a strong overwhelming aversion to that on every level. I think the right appropriation of that scripture about how to Maine, it’s called the lead is failing, is he’s, if he’s the pastor of some is that he leads and he serves.
He is the man when it comes to leading and serving. And a lot of times a certain that the leader is the biggest servant. That’s what Jesus showed us when he washed the feet. Peter said, never show you. Wash my feet. Christ true the savior. And Jesus said, unless I wash your feet, you have no part of me. So when he serves and he leads, he is being most like Christ in your family and to you. So honor that. The next one is insight. Appreciating his desire to analyze and Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City. Now I know if you’re my wife and kids, this can get super irritating and annoying because I just mean I do this and I’ve done this for 25 years, so I, it’s not an effort. It’s a native skill that I just live with the awareness of what contains and make things better and people’s lives and really any such a waste to now value this value.
This if you need to set boundaries and loving ways, but value the side of him and valued me, that’s uh, you know, my wife tells me, Sean, that was a great insight. Wow, you really, you really came up with that and it changed that person’s life. Praise God. That’s amazing. The next one is relationship. Appreciate his desire for shoulder to shoulder friendship. Now women listen to, this is one that I don’t think a lot of people get. I think women, you guys have been done a great disservice because I don’t think that you’ve been taught how important it is to us. I think you natively do it natively, naturally, easily do it while you’re dating us. For example, my wife, my wife is amazing. You would not believe how much progress you’ve made from where we started. People see us today and they think, oh, they’re so great.
They have it all together. I can assure you. Number one, that’s not the case. We just make a lot more effort consistently, daily. But we started just really a train wreck of a situation. But one of the areas, shoulders, shoulder, friendship is how my wife won my heart. See, when we met, I loved fishing, loved Lov d Lud fishing. It’s not a great marriage move, but I loved fishing and she came all these trips. I thought, God, this is heaven on earth is this woman. She loves fishing. And we had all of our talks, you know, fishing, some of the greatest lakes because unfortunately in Oklahoma City there is no salt water, not even in Edmond where I live, there’s not even salt water there. So we fished all the lakes around and even in Texas and may we be developed such a strong relationship.
But when we, but a month after, listen, a month after we got married, I asked her to go fishing. She says, no, I don’t watch football. So I was like, well they, she likes football now it’s just one watch football anymore. So she did so much shoulder to shoulder friendship. Now we do different things. Now I am finding areas that she’s involved in. She likes to walk. I never walked like that. She likes to garden. She likes to do a lot of the things to make the house look beautiful in the yard, so I find ways to connect with her. She finds ways to connect with me and it means the world to me as a man, sexuality and the guys put your fingers in your ears for this one because I don’t want you to hammer your wife’s at all at any level. If what I’m about to say, women appreciate his desire for you Mercedes different way.
You are the only legitimate source of intimacy that this man is ever, ever allowed to look at it in a sexual way. Think about in a sexual way and touch in his sexual life, so make sure that you are available as often as you can be for him and you say, well, does that mean I can never say no? Absolutely not. I think if you never say no, then you’re not being honest. You’re not honoring yourself and who you are in Christ. Clearly, if you never say no, I’m going to be clear. You are not honoring who you are in Christ because you are still a unique woman created by God and you need to have that authority over your body to say no. Now, I believe you should sort surrender and unite as often as you can, but that does not mean you abdicate complete control.
I just don’t see it that way. I don’t think the Bible says that. I don’t think that at all. I think that God created you to move towards each other. The reason I’m so strong in this specific area with you keeping boundaries, women is because I’ve seen it taken to the extreme and I want to be hyper clear. That’s not what I mean. I just mean be available as often as you can be and if there’s barrier barriers there, get help. Talk about it. If you can’t navigate this successfully on your own yet, any Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City, he using counseling.live and we have a team of people we’d love to help you. We married biblical principles with cutting edge counseling techniques to serve you and your story and we can help you navigate the most of these issues. Now these will not work if your husband is an abuser.
Sorry, I don’t want to, I don’t want anybody listening to this. Think that these apply and I don’t mean abuse that he says a bad word once in a while or yells, wrote, sometimes I don’t mean a normal person that fails, I mean an abuser. So go look what a port abuser looks like. Take the test and if that’s your situation, that number one, get into counseling. Like today, go tell somebody you can trust at least one person and then start the process of getting help. But for everyone else, this applies to you. The chairs analogy is a great way to jump in to out of respect. Spell respect for your husband. First is conquest, second is hierarchy, and the third is authority. A Ay. The fourth is insight. Fifth R for relationship, the six s for sexuality. Hope this was amazingly helpful. Guys, you know, I know I just got on my soapbox about women I, I am passionate about honoring women, about making sure that they know that they are valued and that God created them.
Beautiful to live in. And beauty to see beauty when they looked in the mirror and then have an expectation of others that they choose to bring in their life, that they would be treated in very specific and honoring ways as well. So I’ve got one more I think I’m going to do, we could probably wrap it up at one more on this love and respect journey that we’re taking. We’re talking about the reward cycle of what this creates in your marriage, which is exciting and how that can look moving forward. Guys, remember your called First Peter Three 11 says, be the first to seek peace and pursue it. So that’s your job as a leader to lead in these ways to stay strong in Christ, no matter what your spouse does for both spouses. That’s the admonition. Now, I also want to say it means a lot to us.
For those of you who have rated us and reviewed us on Instagram or nutrition counseling, OKC or the Google reviews for our website and division counseling.live. That means a lot because what that does is it helps the mission of God that we feel called to spread and it creates a sense of for people to know that they can change their life. There’s, there’s real people out there that through the podcast or whether through counseling, whether through being in a group that we speak to and are impacted, that nutrition counseling is a place of hope and healing for them and for you. Hey, God bless. Remember, don’t wait for the great day to happen to you. Take responsibility, own it, and by your decisions. Create a great day today. I believe in you. I know you can do it. You’re empowered by God and I’ll talk to you again really soon.