Hi. Welcome to the New Vision counseling.live podcast, episode number seven 13 episode number 17 you know, New Vision counseling is a place where we help you discover what better looks like for you and equip you with the Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City tools to create it. And in this podcast every week when we do it, we are wanting to equip you with more and more resources each time to not just be successful in business, which is part of what we might get to as we go on. But really successful in your marriage and your relationships with each other, with God, with your coworkers, with your family, and then really experience God’s goodness through your choices you make, the people you bring in, the resources you bring, the way that you think, the way that you experience life and then the way that you give life to others and giving life is really our hope that after we invest so much in you, over time that you’ll experience the goodness, the love, the faithfulness of God in a way that you become somebody who walks around throwing live bombs everywhere, where everywhere you go, it’s like back in the day when this movie, the Lion, the witch and the wardrobe Azland the Lima jump wherever he touched flowers and life would appear.

And so that’s the goal and the heart of all of us here at envision is that you would be a life giver and we want to sow into you. And so all the, the things that we share just know they’re centered around that. Well, this week I wanted to talk about the second thing with love and respect. We talked about this guy, Emerson Eggerichs, Eg, G, e, R, I, c, h, a, N, I, C, h, S. Emerson Eggerichs, right? Your nickname and a fantastic book that he wrote, I don’t know, man, 17 plus years ago, 16 years ago. This guy’s been after it and I was really impacted by his writing. At first it was really stressful and irritating because I wasn’t feeling like I was getting respected when I was early on in my marriage. But today it’s, it’s such a pivotal work that I use with so many clients and Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City, Edmond area that people, once they understand that man needs respect, the woman really needs love.

These aren’t like, hey, you know, I’d like to go to the movies and I like popcorn. I’d like a soda. I’d like organic salad. Oh wait, wait, wrong place. But they’re not likes there actually needs by the way that God designed us. Now again, just because a life needs love does not mean it’s okay to disrespect her. And just because a husband needs respect does not mean it’s okay to be cold and unloving towards him. So the last time we went over the crazy cycle. Now what’s the crazy cycle? Well, the Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City, it’s something that I see a lot when people first start counseling. It’s basically the accumulation of a lot of what we bring to the table from our, from our traumas, the way we were raised, way we dealt with it. And in a nutshell, it’s how that without love, she will react in disrespectful ways to her husband and without respect, he will react and unloving and caring ways towards his wife.

And this is true of all relationships, male, female. Now with the marriage, it’s a lot more intimate. It’s a lot more consistent and it’s a lot more obvious. If you were to put a camera on a really small camera and most homes in America I know, especially in our Oklahoma City, Edmond area, you would see a lot of disrespect and a lot of unloving behaviors and we want to change that. And for you, this is the start. All right. So the only way to stop this crazy cycle from going on and on and on and spinning again like onto eternity is different behaviors. We started last time with talking about how the man needs and it’s not a warrant he needs respect and when the woman understands that, then she’s able to approach him with different language, with understanding that he, he, he does not like to be criticized or the contempt religious destroys them.

And for the woman she needs me love, she needs you to approach her understanding that she needs you to speak to her in very specific ways related to her heart. Don’t come at her like she’s a, she’s a nail and you’re a hammer. Come out of was something that has lot more succinct, more kind and with a thought of who your wife really is and that will change. Start to change it. Now this motivation of respect by him and love for her leads us to this, this cycle. And I’m going to use this exact one that Emerson taught cause I really do want you guys to go out and get his book. If you haven’t yet, you’ll find a lot of value from it. Love and respect and agric. It’s what I use in Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City a lot. So the first one, couple, it’s spelled out as an acronym, c, O, u, P, l, e.

And it’s how he says you should spell love for your life in marriage. So the first one goes over closeness. It’s about how really most wise want to be close to your, their husbands. They do. They start out wanting to be close. That’s why they say yes. That’s why they didn’t say no when you ask them to marry and she wants you guys to be one. So the the O is openness, openness. She wants you to open up to her. She wants you to share your heart. And our guys, if you’re like me, this is not a natural goto. It’s something that I’ve worked on over the years to not just give her the details, but the relevant part of my heart in my life that really matter. So that’s a connection point for your life that you, so we have c o u is for understanding, listen, this is super hard for me as a counselor, as a Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City specializes in relationship in, in our area of Oklahoma City and Edmond.

I’ve really trained myself to listen for areas to help people solve problems and to move the relationship forward and their lives forward. And it’s, I’ve said this a plan for me to step back and just just be a husband and guys, this is what our wife needs. If you haven’t go watch this video, it’s on youtube. You’ve got to watch it. It’s funny. It’s really cool. It’s, it’s and the video is called, it’s not about the nail. It’s not about the nail now. It’s an appropriate video stuff. You see one that’s not, cause I know people pirate and do weird things on youtube nowadays, but it’s completely appropriate and it’s completely hilarious and super accurate. So don’t try to fix her guys. Just understand and listen. Now peacemaking is for the p peacemaking. Listen, when there’s a fine man, we’re called to lead. Our wives were called to step out in front of if there was a bullet, were the one who jumped in front.

If somebody doesn’t get dinner, even if it’s dinner, we like, we’re the ones that God calls us to sacrifice and not eat the dinner. So she in this instance needs you to say, I’m sorry, first, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Love that. Met Women love when a main leads with vulnerability and also takes the action of saying, I’m sorry. The other one is loyalty. So in the couple acronym Ellis for loyalty. Listen, every wife wants to know you’re committed. Security and safety are women’s top there. Their top needs overlooks over humor over all these other areas. That’s why you see these really tooled up looking guys that just look crazy or mean, but they’re really successful with these amazing women. It’s because security is such a big need that oftentimes women can get deceived in thinking security will bring the life and happiness, but actually it’s can be the opposite if you don’t go deeper behind who the person really is.

So this loyalty, she needs to know that you’re committed to look. If you’re watching a movie, like if you’re watching something like game of Thrones where there’s little or whether there’s pornography in it and they rip the porn and put it on sites and they have all these terrible scenes about hurting people, then I want to challenge you that are you really committed in a biblical, pure way to your wife? Are you keeping your marriage and your thoughts pure, but what you’re letting in by the music you’re listening to by the places that you frequent. The answer, I hope after this we’ll be in a resounding yes. And the last one on the couple is esteem. Esteem. How do you show a steam for your husband? Well, she wants to know that she matters to you. She wants you to a or she loves what he opened the door.

Now listen, I know there’s a a segment of women out there that are really, this would not honor you for whatever reason. You want to open your own doors. You want to pay for your own meals. And interestingly enough, when I was in a date before I get married, uh, I went on a date with this girl I really liked her is our first date and I go to pay and she like elbows me out of the lanes is kind of a cute, flirty way. And she’s like, I got it man. I got it man. And I thought, wow, I about passed out. I was so impressed. But that was then I am married now, not the same girl. And that was when I was in my teens. There’s a value, especially with human when you honor and you think about your wife and honorable ways, you know it says men that look at pornography and watch pornographic scenes, they turn, tend to objectify, progressively objectify women.

So that when they put there a hammer on the screen, the brains showed a certain pattern of thinking as the thinking of an object. When they showed a woman on the screen, they show that they all do look at woman. They also demonstrated a pattern of seeing an object instead of a person. So guys, I just really encourage you esteem, esteem, esteem. Your wife, you’d be so glad you did. Now the next one, I’m going to go over the second part of the energized cycle, which is how to respect your husband. We’re gonna like going into this, so go over recapping. This is how do we, how do we spell it out for a wife? What’s couple C, O, u, P, l, e and it’s closeness, openness, understanding, peacemaking, loyalty and esteem. These are great ways to begin moving towards your wife and just knowing these are the elements that comprise healthy marriages.

These are the things that you really can focus on to move the needle forward in your relationship with your spouse. Now, you may be listening to this and thank you, Sean, you have no idea where my marriages, my relationship is. We’re not, we can’t even do any of what you said. Great News. We have a team of Christian marriage counseling Oklahoma City counselors that Mary Biblical principles with cutting edge counseling techniques to meet you wherever you find yourself at in your story today because we want to serve you. Our mission is we help you discover what better looks like for you and then equip you with the tools and resources to create it. So nutrition counseling. Dot live is the website deal. Contact us today or send this to a friend that you know needs help please, that will help them as part of our mission. We want to serve you and your friends and family.

Also, if you liked this, please like this. You know, one of the things that helps us as Google reviews, when you go to a Google review and you say, this is great, these people know what they’re talking about. Counseling, it’s helped me. It’s been good. Those really help us move the needle of sharing with others that look, you don’t have to stay stuck in your life. You don’t have to stay where you’re at. There is hope and there is changed for you. And this is just the start, you know, counseling dive so much deeper. But this is a start. It’s already encourage you to start today. Don’t wait for a great day to happen to you. Be The change you want to see and your family. And your marriage in your world by your actions today. Y’All bless and I look forward to talking with you guys again really soon.