Welcome to better today with your host Shawn Maguire and with over 25 years of counseling experience, this is the podcast. It inspires you to create both an amazing family and marriage. This is the podcast that helps you to navigate the challenges of modern life. In this podcast, you will be given the same tools, techniques, and stories that Sean and his team have used to help thousands of people to transform their lives. If you’re ready to make real progress, that will change your Edmond Christian Counseling marriage, your family, and your life. Then get ready because better today starts now.

Hi, welcome back. This is Shawn Mcguire and I’m here with my amazing wife, Hannah Maguire. It’s so good to have you back on the show, Babe. Hey everyone. Good to be back. You know, this is a big topic for a lot of people that I see a had been marriage counseling. It is how to heal the past, to embrace the future, how to heal the past to embrace the future. Because so many people, Babe, when they come into counseling, I noticed that they are stuck somewhere in a relationship and a past job and some kind of a failure that they’ve had in the past and they’re, they’re not able to navigate and move forward and then maybe what God has got available to them or maybe they can’t even see it because of the wounds and because of the lack of just getting over it and they just keep cycling and cycling and cycling.

Have you ever seen anybody like that? Ah Yes. It rings a bell in my own life. You know, I think all of us, if we were to be honest, we all could say it rings a bell in all of our Edmond Christian Counseling lives. There’s a guy named Colin Powell who was the former secretary of state of the United States of America, under George Bush, President George Bush. And he said, none of us can change our yesterdays but all of us can change our tomorrows. And I thought that’s fantastic. You know, cause a lot of times people misunderstand time and they think that time heals all wounds, which is completely inaccurate. I would say it’s a plan of the enemy to deceive us into thinking that time if it just passes, does something magical. But really the reality is time only makes you more of who you are and it gives you more of what you’ve already got.

Do you have something to say with that? I noticed you’re looking over here and get me the twinkle, the eyes. No, that’s good. I don’t have anything more to add. Fantastic. So think about people in your life, whether they’re from business, whether they’re your parents, siblings, friends from youth, are friends from adulthood or maybe even missed field goals and games or drop passes were in football right now. So that’s a really big deal about how some kids drop passes and we lost the game by one touchdown in the last point, one second of the game. We won the whole game because they’ve heard that last point in one second. And so if there’s something that you’re holding onto you or some things or people as we go through this material today and as we open up this opportunity to transform, to be healed and to move forward into a future that’s worth living, really think about those people in places and things.

Cause I hope that by the end of this, you’ve experienced a measure or you think completely a transformative opportunity to change your life for the better. So is it your parents? I’ve seen, uh, people would come in and they are just locked in their parents. They think their parents are great, they think they’re amazing and they’re not able to say anything about their parents. But they are able to verbalize how they’re stuck in this relationship now that keep, you know, single people, especially ladies seem to date these same guys that are similar to their dads, whether they’re good dad or whether there were a bad dad and abusive, didn’t validate them, never thought they were beautiful. They get stuck in these trances and they’re not able to get out. But if they’re not honest about the kind of dad that they had and they keep making these stories up that aren’t true of, yeah, my dad’s a good man.

Well, how was he a good man? Well, you know, he never beat me. He also never came to any of my basketball games. He also never told me he loved me. He also told me, never told me that I was beautiful. Well, if you don’t acknowledge that those wounds and you keep dating the same kind of guys that don’t tell you that you’re beautiful, that don’t make time for you, then you’re never going to now be able to navigate to the next season of blessing and abundance that God has because you’re not admitting something in the past that’s hurting you and has has hurt you. So what, what I’m going to do is I’m going to give you an opportunity to start accepting the truth of people in your life and the processes of your life. For many of you, you can call to mind somebody that’s hurt you, somebody that’s either hurting you presently or that has hurt you in your past, and maybe for some of you it may be a distant past and that’s okay because emotions and issues unresolved, they don’t just heal themselves, they just go down deeper in your life and they might manifest to bodily pains.

You know, I know that women have menstrual cycles. I’ve seen so many times when limited, forgive and move past issues, they start to have a normal in healthier cycle that’s not as toxic or damaging to their emotions or body. I see with men, they start to not have as many headaches. They start to not their blood pressure can even go down. Like literally, I’ve seen this in people and I actually learned it in reverse because especially women taught me, they’re like, you know, I don’t have these migraines anymore. Ever since I worked through this issue or you know, I’m cycling normal. I haven’t cycled normal. And I was like, well, how long this one lady said like 18 I’ve had so many people over 25 years of doing admin, marriage counseling, and I’ve seen so many people come back and to be healed of various things that we never even really talked about until they experienced that healing power.

Because when you release something emotionally, it also gives your body from mission to heal, not just your heart. Does that make sense? Yep. Have you ever found that to be true in your own life? Definitely. Yeah. I’ve had some hormonal issues that, um, were due to and just holding on to bitterness and when I finally let those things go, oh, it felt a lot better. And yeah, I saw significant decreases in these toxic hormone, low levels of cortisol and all kinds of things that were in my body. Harming your Edmond Christian Counseling body, I remember. Yeah. Yeah. Especially living out here and be able to release a lot of the, some of the relationship stuff that was in our old neighborhood. Moving out here to a new neighborhood with new opportunities has really opened the door for all of us to just experience, ah, the goodness of God in nature.

So it’s been great. So I’m going to give you a process. It’s called the authentic self process, the authentic self process. Now, it doesn’t matter if you’re in Oklahoma City, if you’re an Edmond, if you’re in Timbuktu, this process is extremely effective. If you take the time and say that you are valuable enough to dedicate this amount of time to walking through it, now tend to take notes because this is really good. You may find this to even help your own relationship out. Got My notebook. All right, good. Just making sure. Just making sure everyone, so there’s stages. There’s actually six stages that I’m going to go through and think about your feelings. Think about their proximity of the people in their life at that you’ve had these feelings for how long they’ve been with standing. Some people, it may be 20 years, but the goal is to release the emotions, to discharge them, to get to get rid of all the negativity that’s following you around that you’re carrying around.

Because the reality is we will attract what we are. So if I’m a really good and loving person and I’m healthy, then all attract good and loving people. However, if I feel like everybody’s out to get me, everybody’s out to stick a screw in and get me and put it to me that I’m going to attract more of those kinds of people in my life that are going to deceive me, that are going to be charlatans, that are gonna take advantage of me because that’s the, that’s the seeds that I’m spiritually selling into my next season of life. Whether through my words, whether through the way I just interrogate people, whether through the way, I just think because all of these create outcomes, words, thoughts, beliefs.

My wife’s making funny faces at me guys. I wish we were videoing this. I have to sneeze so I’m wrinkling my nose. There was a movie called the witch so long time ago she had wrinkled her nose and weird stuff would happen. I hope that’s not what you’re trying to do. We’re Christians. All right, good. So let’s go through this. So the first one is is to think about somebody that you would love to show, um, anger towards that you might want to hurt and that you may even hate. And so we’ll go like this. Number one, anger and resentment. This is, this is the section we’re going to go over and you just fill in the blanks until you don’t have anything else to say and just pick a one person, one event, one maybe for you, it might be a cat. Maybe for me earlier this year when our cat was young, it might’ve been me and the cat has some issues, really the cat shoes, I was just responding to it and mostly not healthy ways.

So I’m angry at, I hate it when I’m fed up with and I resent blink. So, for example, let’s say that I just got fired from my job as a disc jockey for a local radio station because yeah, you could totally see that. Right? You would make a bad disc jockey that would make it, especially since I don’t listen to a lot of music, right? Yeah, maybe terrible. I would make a really bad disc jockey when I, so you’d have three songs on reading. I know I had three songs, Clay Clark, my buddy, he would make an amazing disc jockey, so anger and resentment. So I’d say I’m angry that I was fired without cause without just cause I hate it when my boss would come into the booth and start yelling at me while I was on the air. I’m fed up with people treating me like this and I won’t tolerate it anymore.

I resented that people are out to get me and they’re not fair. That life has not been fair and I’ll just go through. I’m angry at, I’m angry that and I’ll just get it all out. Then I’ll go to the second one and [inaudible] before I go on, I, my wife’s again is giving me some weird looks. I’m going to respond to her weird looks and I wish you guys could see it because then you would have a better understanding of her body language. So we’re talking about anger and resentment because so many people are afraid to have these conversations. And instead of having the conversations and getting it out and being honest about what’s going on, they hold it in and they allow it to consume them. They allow it to consume them. And although the conversations may be really hard at first, as you have them more and more, what you’ll discover is you’ll do better and better and better and better as you get more fluid and able to talk about them.

So the second one is hurt. Think about areas that have hurt you. So you would say it hurt me when I felt sad, when I feel hurt, that and I feel disappointed about. So using the same discharge Aki analogy. I’d say it hurt me when my boss came in and said that I wasn’t doing a good job and that at my show was a mess. It was chaotic. He didn’t know the next thing that was going to happen. It seemed like I didn’t plan it at all. I’d say to hurt me when or the neck. Then I go to the next one and said, I hate when I hate it when I plan out a show and it goes terribly and it’s not good. I hate it when people don’t value my efforts. I hate it when they don’t see the effort I put in and it and you know, things like that.

Also you can say, I feel hurt that my boss doesn’t care about my family. I feel hurt that he just fired me and gave me no severance. I feel disappointed. This is the next one. I feel disappointed that I’m not going to work at this place anymore. I feel disappointed that I am not going to have a severance package. Feel disappointed that I didn’t make it. Now, the last one that’s you getting really honest about what’s going on in your life and what needs to happen to change it. The third one is fear and you go through again on the disc jockey, which is funny because that’s probably a job I would never have, especially with music. Um, fear. I was afraid that I was afraid that I wasn’t going to succeed. I was that. That’s one that would be more honest and then you go into, I felt scared when my boss would ask me to talk because I felt like he was going to get me in trouble.

And then I get afraid of you when you are intimidating. I get afraid of you when you are unkind or I’m afraid that I, I’m afraid that I can’t do this job and I’ll never succeed. Do you see how, I’m just giving you examples with the disc jockey and helping you see the need to be honest in a really expose these areas in your own Edmond Christian Counseling heart so that you are clear on what’s triggering these emotional responses of why you’re stuck, of maybe some of the unresolved things that are underneath the surface that maybe cognitively or mentally you’ve not been able to connect that are holding you back. The fourth one is remorse, remorse, regret and accountability. This is the section on that, so you would say, I’m sorry that I’m sorry that and then fill in the bank. So for me in that disc jockey analogy would be, I’m sorry that I was rude to you when you tried to coach me up.

The next one is, please forgive me for, wow. Now this May, this is just you writing this out. This is not you having a conversation on this. Just to be really clear in this part, to be as honest as you can see, he’d say, please forgive me for even if the guy came in and cursed you or cussed you out and used profanity, you could say, I’m sorry for using profanity back. I’m sorry for reacting and threatening you, whatever the case may be. And then you’d say, I didn’t mean to. So you’d say, I didn’t mean to make fun of your mom. Maybe you got really dirty and he started talking about his family negatively, negatively, or you’d say, I didn’t mean to break the Mike when you fired me. I just meant to knock it away from my mouth. The fifth one in this healing, the past embrace the future is once.

So I’m going to go through this more a little bit more quickly because I’ve got a lot to content. I want to get through in this part one. So once all ever wanted, so you could say all I ever wanted was to be successful. And then the next one I want, I want you to, I want you to validate that I was doing a good job. I want you to validate that I was making a lot of effort and then you could say I want or wanted the next one. That’s your sentence stem. So you’d say, I wanted your Edmond Christian Counseling validation, I wanted to hear you say I was doing a good job and then the last one on the I deserve or the wants is I deserve, I deserve to be paid more for what I did. I deserved more than $10 an Edmond Christian Counseling hour. I deserve to have my own morning show.

Whatever you believe you deserve. That’s where this goes. The sixth is love, compassion, forgiveness and appreciation. And you would say, I understand that, I understand that. And so you’d say, I understand that you didn’t think I was doing a good job. And then the next one is I appreciate, I appreciate the opportunity to even work here for one month and learn the systems and get real on air time. And then this isn’t appropriate for some relationships. But in a marriage or dating, it could be, or even even if you are writing this out and you’re not going to ever give to the person if it’s real and say it, you can say, I love you for believing in me. I love you for believing in me. Now that’s you being honest, because you’re not just giving them all the bad. You’re thinking about giving them the good too.

Because at some point they believe, you know that that person that hired me to be a disc jockey believed that I could do a good job. And, and when I first got the job, this is all fictitious by the way. When I first got that job as a disc jockey, then I was excited and I felt that measure of love for that person. Maybe not love like I feel like for my kids or my wife or my mom when my friends, but you know, some level then this is the big ones. Guys, I forgive you for firing me. I forgive you for not coaching me up. Well I forgive you for terminating me wrongly. And then the last one is, thank you. I thank you for the given me the chance. I thank you for giving me the space. I thank you. So if you’re uncomfortable for doing any of this, guess what?

That’s completely normal. That’s completely normal and I just want to say you doing this even if you never give it to anybody, which if you give it to them, we’re going to talk about what that looks like later in the letter of confrontation. It’s a very different process, really similar, but some of it is going to be very different in how you write it and what you do and don’t say. Then you’re going to do great because you’re getting it out and it’s not just in your head, in your heart and your spirit, attacking you constantly. Ways that you do know that our Edmond Christian Counseling conscious that you think about in ways that you don’t know where to locked up in areas of your body. Like if your shoulders are tense, your chest tightens up. Maybe your blood pressure is high. Maybe you have migraines, maybe even your hair is falling out or you maybe you have chronic pain.

I’ve seen so many different healings that happen after people release, forgive and let go. So this is a start now in part two of how to heal the past and embrace the future. We’re going to do the next podcast. It’s going to be about the letter of confrontation, about how to exactly write a letter and what that will include and how that could help you for several won’t be appropriate for many of you. It will be now, for those of you that enjoy this, thank you so much. It means a lot that you listen. I’m really trying to put things out there that add a lot of value to your Edmond Christian Counseling life that give you really a tool and some resources to start making changes today. And if you would, it would mean a lot to me if you would go to Google and radius. It’s nuvision counseling.live and also that’s the same website nuvision counseling.live that you can go to if you want to start counseling, because I know there’s some of you listening that say, Shawn, this is good and helpful, but really I need to go to the next step and that next step is change and I need more help than just a podcast.

We have a team of counselors that are amazing. They use biblical principles married to cutting edge counseling techniques to join you in your Edmond Christian Counseling story today. They don’t just sit on the couch and listen and take notes. They actually jump into this story with you. They use these cutting edge counseling techniques to help you move the needle forward no matter where you start at today. Well, God bless. Hope this was amazingly helpful and I look forward to seeing you and talking to you again really soon.