Hey everyone, welcome as you come in and let us know where you’re from. I have the famous Gina Helms Bna just got back from the Dominican Republican and we just hope that you guys had a great weekend. You know, here in America we celebrate Memorial Day or we were able to be extraordinarily grateful to the men and women that had served to protect our country to faithfully give us the American freedom that we enjoy today. And so if you’re listening and you have served, we just wanted to extend a thank you and gratitude to all that you’ve done because we enjoy the freedoms that we have because of your service and your sacrifice. Also, Ben, as something’s going to share today, and I think it could change your life if you listen and what are you talking about? He’s one of our best, marries one of our 15 best top to your marriage counselors that neither is in counseling.
We’re talking about empty nest, empty nesters, right when it, when the kids, when the kids leave the home, at least for the first time, tried to leave the home. No. At first time we had a launch those kids out. And guess what? It’s just you and your partner and you and your spouse. It’s crazy how that works with the kids. Yeah. So we’re gonna talk about that time because it’s a time, it’s causing a lot of Edmond Marriage Counseling. Actually. You’re seeing divorces increased. Uh, that’s still weird at this age. Can they call that the gray divorce concern? We talking about that before session. Great divorce has divorce that happens after 50. Now let’s actually less, less common than divorce before, before that. But there’s a, there’s a rise there that’s going on. So it’s definitely something that we, we want to address. And it’s a time of life where I can bring a lot of joy and a lot of fun can also bring some stress, some transition of some frustration.
Now when you’ve had your kids there the entire time, like I can’t even imagine, do you, you can kind of imagine this, but I can’t imagine having a home without kids, without asking people to be quiet or tripping on somebody’s shoes or stepping on a Lego and saying some words that the Lord needs Edmond Marriage Counseling to help me with. And I just can’t imagine that life. So the empty nest is a real experience that all of us who have kids that do the parenting journey, well we’ll experience, right. Rush should experience, right? Yeah, you’ll miss men still lives at home, but we’re not talking about Ben and they were talking about other people, but
I mean it is to miss your children tend to miss out on that and feel that is definitely something that I would say on the marriage side. Here’s the big here. Here’s ultimately the big issue is it’s going to be much harder in that transition if you haven’t really been connecting, been real intentional about your marriage up to that point. Uh, it’s Kinda like, you know, I was kinda thinking about a good analogy for this is, but if you haven’t worked in, if you haven’t worked at it up into that point and all of a sudden when it comes and you’re trying to work on, it’s going to be much more difficult, right? It’s like, you know, you shoot free throws in basketball, you’re going to shoot free throws, get good at those. You don’t just start shooting free throws after you start missing or do you start getting in the game? You practice that when you practice and you practice your practice. So I think marriage in some ways it’s like shooting for, you got to keep practicing right through the whole thing and not just start practicing when all of a sudden things start missing. It’s kind of like your health [inaudible]
Jill, you’re an expert in health, aren’t you? Weren’t you like an attritional or coach or something back in the day? So what happens if somebody comes to you and they’re in their sixties and they’ve taken no time to invest in their body versus somebody that in their twenties you know, may not go all in, but they decided to start working on a few times a week and maybe negative some different food choices. Not Cutting out ice cream all together because some people would say that’s the same but maybe going for the organic Aldons ice cream or you know, eating more lettuce and making some different choices. They have a very different experience when the one person starts early, their body has those 15 2030 years of experiencing that joy, which is like parenting and if you continue to build health and those years, then your sixties we’ll look drastically different or your fifties we’ll look drastically different. I bet you’re saying the same thing as true empty nesters. Cause if you don’t feed your marriage, what happens to it? You know, if your average kid stays at home 18 years and you launched them into college and they don’t come back and you have three kids, then you’re, you’re in it for like 2123 years of just not caring for your marriage. Well, is it any surprise that
[inaudible] these die [inaudible] no, it’s not. And you think about this now, what does everybody, what does everybody say to parents who have younger kids? What are they always say about your kids? I always say this. They say, you’re going to look up one day. That’d be gone and you’ll be gone, right? You hear that so many times. So when’s the best time to prepare for the empty nest right now? Absolutely right. Take care of your marriage. Now start preparing for it. Now. Make a plan now for how are you going to stay connected? How are you going to do that? Because right someday the sheets aren’t going to be there. That focus is going to change. And guess what? If you haven’t focused on your spouse, you may not even know who you’re looking at anymore. Yeah. You know, who is this person change. Yeah. You shouldn’t be wearing nice
for is right now. Right? I mean you diapers on your head when you start, you know, some of them get married in their teens 18, 19, 20. You’re not the same person in her forties. You’re, you’re completely different because you’ve drawn and mature things have changed and they should change.
Yeah, absolutely. And you know, the couples I’ve been working with recently, um, one of the big things got kind of an empty nest age. One of the big things is just having a, having a plan, you know, what do we do now? What does life look like now? And actually talking about that, cause I’m going go see a mismatch. Sometimes the kids will leave in one parent and one of the partners is like, yeah, this is great. And they go along with their life and start playing, you know, still has been playing more golf, doing this sort of thing. And the other one’s like reeling, like this is frustrating. This is sad. And they never connect. Ever talk about that experience, you know? So getting together on that. Saint Paul, what do we want to do now? Right? What do we want life to look like?
Or do we want to spend our weekends? You know, what are some travels, where are some things we want to do? And so really getting intentional and having that plan together, again, coming together and connecting around that because you can have very different expectations, um, is, is one thing. So having that plan, um, and, and knowing that that is a second thing would be really having a purpose, right? I think about this, um, how many things, and maybe you’ve already said these, I have younger kids, but how many, how many times do you have your day and say, well, for the kids weren’t here, I would do this. Yeah. You know, when I have a lot of time, I’m going to do this. This is the time to actually do those things. Now, a lot of us like to say those things, like we really do those things when it comes to, when it comes to the situation, do we really do those?
But the empty nest is the time to say, hey, here’s those things. I’ve had been putting off where I have been telling myself I will do this. Yeah. Getting into writing a book, writing it, writing but yet writing books, I think you’d be all right. Book taken up. Certain hobbies. I’m traveling, sleeping in on the weekends. What does that you not sleeping, Huh? Um, whatever that is. But this is those times to do those things. Um, and to not get stagnant, you know, keep, keep things moving. Tryson are cheap. So, so what you’re saying is
don’t stop living your life just because you have kids. I think Gina said it earlier, is one of the issues is what you remember what you said or two child centered to Charleston or does that mean, yeah, well I think a lot of American homes especially, we just, it’s all about the kids, you know? And if we put all our value and our kids are not, are a couple relationship, then you know when we do, when it ed, well first of all, it doesn’t set up a great model for our kids because they become, you know, child centered as adults and then they don’t know how to do marriage well. So we’ve really not doing our children any favors either by being tells centered. So yeah, that’s true.
My favorite thing is to um, be really child centered and then tell our children why they think,
you know, [inaudible] got a million times growing up. We revolve around you. That’s why revolver, that’s why you think it does because it does, but you know the purpose,
it’s really big. I mean, here’s a chance to maybe really do some ministry that you haven’t done before. Really share your faith with other people. Really do that. Right. I love to use to use at Church of not to do ministry because I got to take care of my kids. Yeah, that’s a great excuse. Right, so what’s the, what’s the nest is empty? I think you don’t have the excuse, but there’s also maybe a lot of young couples that you could be speaking life into mentoring and then doing that. And so what a great time. Maybe to invest more of your time, your resources in, in kingdom work. Not that you haven’t been doing that, but in the Italian word. David has been, uh, has been
Kate Smith. What up man? Happy Fifth Birthday. Hey Man. Hey Man. Absolutely. Congratulations. Good to see you again brother.
Okay, good. So, so how did that purpose is huge. It’s huge. Having that purpose. We just know we do better when we live life on purpose. Don’t wait. Yeah, something to focus on in the last thing I would say, we talked about three Edmond Marriage Counseling needs. It’s really getting, I say plenty of sunshine. I pushed it a little bit there with the peas, right? Plan, purpose and plenty of sunshine. What I mean by this is get out, get out of the house, start doing things you get, especially in your marriage. Go on dates, take walks. Um, you know, stay out late because you don’t have to put the kids to bed or were you saying everything? I mean, get out and get out of your surroundings. Cause what can be real dangerous if the kids leave and you’re just sitting there feeling sad all the time, you know, and, and missing him all the time.
Get out and do something right. Don’t show up your child’s college, not that sort of thing. Um, that’s right. That’s right. Don’t call your kids every, every morning to wake up. Don’t be there alone anymore for no, but get out and enjoy and get out in nature and do things together. Again, this is a time to explore and be out and do that. Because again, if you’re, if you’re at home, yeah, you might, might really miss them again, good to your kids. Um, now some parents are celebrating at this point to there. They’re really have. That’s true.
That’s, are those people that do that,
right. Right. When he really understood that life is about you launching these kids, you know, into that. No, there’s, I know culturally that’s a little bit different. Um, I know the American culture is 18, you know, get outta here. Yeah. I know. Go, go live your own life and all that’s not every culture. Uh, but that was something that we, uh, that we pushed you. So I guess along those lines, if you really raise your kids well, teach them responsibility and really do that work. You don’t have to have as much fear around the empty nasty there right now. I’m not sure. Did we teach them all we needed Edmond Marriage Counseling. I think gonna be able to survive and be able to make it. Sure. Um, I’ll see. Co I’ve seen couples kind of in both, in both sides where they’re really worried about their kids. Did we give them the tools they need Edmond Marriage Counseling it and our other couples are like, they’re good, they’re fine. You know, where they’d be taught them what they needed Edmond Marriage Counseling to and they’ll figure it out. And so I want to be the, the latter. Governor Mead, the couple that’s like, okay, sad you’re gone. But we do feel like we got you ready for this.
Oh, I see. I see a lot of people there because their marriages are centered around kids. Like ours is huge. Kids are huge. It’s part, it’s a big part of our conversation that one, that kids are not that daily focus. They don’t have anything that they’ve talked about that they built a community over outside of her kids, which is part of the value of having a family of believers around you that you have relationships with that you may take vacations with that you may like. We have people over yesterday for Memorial Day, different families now there’s like a hundred kids there cause they’re all, you guys know how homeschoolers on man, they just reproduce like crazy and now there’s this homeschoolers everywhere. We homeschool to buy them. We put the smoke signal over the smoke, they can’t remember all the hair bonds along dresses, you know that we’re working on is homeschool and luck is a bit older.
But you know, we know that if we don’t develop a community now, if we don’t have a relationship that’s bigger than our kids and we won’t be left with this profound, really irreplaceable void when our kids leave. Now the deal, it doesn’t mean that you won’t have like this huge void in your heart because I am there. There’s no doubt I pray about this every single day. There’s not a day that I can remember since I’ve had kids that I don’t pray about God doing the work in my heart, that I am good when they go, when they launched so that they can be successful because I totally adore my children. Uh, totally. But I also want to be healthy in the Lord and equip them to succeed in their own relationship. And I can’t do that from coming from a position of a marriage. It’s just focused on my kids because then they’re going to go try to replicate that in their own way. And that next generation is typically worse than our generation, or they can be better depending on how we’ve set them up. So that’s a big deal for me. What do you think, Dina?
Yeah, so, you know, I think one of the best tips I got as a parent was, um, one of the things that we can do, the best thing we can do for our kids, it’s to fulfill our own God given destiny. Well that doesn’t stop when your kids leave home, you know? So if you’re fulfilling your own God, given destiny, when you’re kids and you’re raising your kids, they’re going to see that. And then they’re going to want to model that. And, and then when you’re with your kids, leave you are, you still are fulfilling the mission that God has given you. And so, you know, you don’t feel this huge void and emptiness because you’re still doing, you’re still about the fathers, but business serving your purpose and that serves your, your children and your family and your spouse. And hopefully your spouse is doing the same thing. That’s good.
Yeah. And to add, you know, say, so you’re in this place and you know your kids have left, but they’re trying to get back in the nest and that sort of thing.
How does that work? How did that work?
Still really important to really put those boundaries around your time, around your marriage and those things like that. So you just don’t become, that plays again near the nest again, that you’re, you, you do make room for your marriage and that sort of thing. Cause even if your kids leave your name, it’s been years, there’s still a lot you can, you can still really get sucked into that again. Sure. Right on Bourbon, there’s helping your family and being part of that and nothing against that. But making sure again, that four year marriage for, for you as a couple that you do have a life together. Right, right. This is still not just centered around kids and grandkids, but you have that, again, important to love your kids, important, love your grandkids, but making sure, again, you’re putting boundaries around your marriage, take care of each other and figuring that out.
And um, and one of the hardest transitions is to, and we’ll go ahead, you know, put this out there is intimacy. Yeah, I’ll be intimate again. Now that you’re not a parent and you’re primarily a partner, what does that look like? What does the intimacy look like? Is it more than five minutes when the kids were taking a nap? You can actually schedule some time to be, yeah, dedicated. Yeah. We haven’t figured that out and I’m sorry. You know, intimacy or sexual intimacy, just too emotional. Intimacy, like for all that you’ve got to figure out how do we, how do we have this again, how do we do this? Because a lot of times we have outsourced that to to some other other places, right? We always invested so much in our kids emotionally, we haven’t done that in our spouse.
That would be a heat. That would be it’s own Facebook topic and we know itself because I think, yeah, a lot of this, like I, I know not even the intimacy part, but just the affection part like my kids have. I’m a huge touchy feely person and my kids have met a huge part of that. When they just kind of Waller me and we go snuggle to wake him up like that. That meets a huge need Edmond Marriage Counseling in man. It meets a need Edmond Marriage Counseling in them. But when wait, am I kids launch and they’re not there every day, then it’s Kinda that tidal wave is going to be just like that way back to the genus hide. It’s kind of crossed over here. It’s gonna, it’s going to come and we, if we’re prepared and we can ride the wave and it can be a fun, fun, fun ride and to the next season of life, it doesn’t have to break in to destruction. It can break into a next wave and the next wave and the next wave. Hey, that one’s for you, by the way, that’s sort of analogy.
So we’re saying the Tannish Sean’s wife, right? We’re were saying
wave is coming out of the effects show. She’s going to be expecting seven years before the snobbiness. Huh? That’s right. Seven years. Seven year, get get ready for that. Um, all right. So you know what I mean?
Get everything. Just being prepared for this, making the plan. But ultimately the best thing of course you can do to be working on your marriage now, no matter what stage you’re on, working on that marriage, now, making that, that godly marriage, making it, um, fulfilling marriage, let’s start that now. You know, any transition, even just having kids, we see a lot of divorce when kids are first born to, it’s a satisfaction goes down always. We always investing in the best time to work on the marriage is right now the hardest time is right, right in the middle of this transitions. But if you’re in the middle of the transition time, that’s why we’re here, right? We can really help through that transition and really help people through that. So if you are experiencing those problems, reach out and get help because, and we have all witnessed this, sometimes people reach out for help about four years too late. Yeah. You know, and so if you can do that in the moment, get back on track to man and hopefully, yeah, a lot of times I can help avoid a lot of this.
It’s a turn your phone on a lot of struggle and you know there’s not an ideal time to reach out. There’s just the time when you need Edmond Marriage Counseling help. That’s when to activate on it. So today, if you’re listening to this, you say, you know, Sean, Ben, Gina, I have some things in pairing the I need Edmond Marriage Counseling help or my marriage is in trouble or I have a friend, well please share this video and you can go to our websites and New Vision counseling.live. It’s news and counseling, got l, I v E and we have some video of the resources that really can help you to connect. And if you want to go to the next level and make significant and profound changes, then reach out to us via email or call us and we would love to partner with you and your journey towards what better looks like for you starting today.
Because you know, really talk a lot all day. And you know, even even this morning, I’ve seen people’s lives changed for the better. That started so rough and I was telling the team about it before our Facebook live. Now this, this lady was in a major depression. They’re, they’re struggling in their marriage and we, we laugh for probably the first, literally 15 minutes of this. She said something funny and it just, it just broke loose. And then, you know, he comes up after the session, her husband, he’s like, you know, I really feel like we turned a corner today and make profound progress. And it wasn’t because we read a hundred bucks. It was because of their availability to deal with the issues in the real time. And God used their faithfulness to open up new life. He wants to do the same thing for you. So you also can follow us on Facebook.
This is New Vision counseling. Okcs are handle on Facebook and Instagram and we love to talk to you soon. Also on our face, on our website, we’ll be coming out with a podcast. There’s about 70 plus podcasts we have done. They’re just not, they’re just not launched yet. But when we launch it, we’ll let you know. So guys, until we see you again, David May love having you back, brother. My Hawaiian brother, uh, wish we were doing this podcast from there. Then that wave that’s kind of there and areas would be real. That’s right. That’s right. Maybe that can be on our bucket list to do a podcast from where David lives in Hawaii. We guys, God bless and we’ll see you again next Tuesday, 12th 30th take care.