Hey everyone, Sean McGuire, marriage counselor Edmond, here with this Super Bna and Katia, hey, guess what, let us know where you’re from, your millions of people that are watching today. Because today Ben, our very own BNA is going to talk about adulting, what our relationship needs most. And I think my wife will probably watch this and depending on what you say, she’ll probably make me watch it again if I do something contrary and what’s right sense, right. There’s a really good chance you guys are going to hear it from your wives. So as we do, thank you for watching. And if you haven’t checked out our Instagram page, we’d love you to go there. It’s nutrition counseling Okc cause we love as a community of counselors to serve you. And it really helped people break free from limiting beliefs and patterns and pains of the past that are keeping them prisoners in their presence. And Dan’s going to show you today about a adult and deal with relationships and amazing, incredible waste. Cause look, he is the relationship, et cetera. Yes, yes. Um, my wife might disagree with that. Um, so it’s funny, I was talking about my wife, I was telling her, you know, she’s like getting Valentine’s week or you’re not talking about romance.

Oh, it’s right. It’s Valentine’s week. Let us forget. How can you do is forget Katie talking about adulting just doesn’t, not a romantic like people, but I said it is right. Um, sounds romantic, right? Adulting olds get adults. Any adults, romance adults also don’t put all the romance on one day a year. Right? [inaudible] got away to, Oh, let’s do that. So I told her this, she says that someone very romantic, um, let’s add to that. That’s fine. But this is more important than romance. Bring your adult self, your marriage counselor Edmond self, renew your mature cell to your relationship is the most important thing you can do. And it actually is what leads to more romance, more intimacy. Intimacy is more of what we’re after the romance at this nice when it’s there, right when it, when it’s happening. Um, but it’s not the end all be all like our culture likes to, to make it now the word we’re talking about is adulting. And you may have seen this as a part of the Hashtag Hashtag adulting this is basically when you have to perform the tasks that would be expected of a fully responsible adult.

Right? So you see this a lot with millennials too. Like, oh, I gotta pay the bills. Hashtag adulting right. All right, got to go to work on time Hashtag adulting we used to just call it growing up being responsible, but we got boat called adulting now. Interesting. It’s extremely important in our relationship needs that a lot because we’ve all done this for a lot of times. We bring our child to the relationship and we act childish. We do things in childish ways. You might not realize it, but we do a lot more than than we like. So now we’ll tell you a little story about romance. Um, I got, I got a prop here for you guys. Um, I thought somebody put this in my office. I’m like, why did that come in here know, you know, this isn’t my office. And I, and I might point to this and say, you know, he, his office, this is, this is my plan.

This is a plant. And if I look at this plant and say, I love this plant, right? And then I put it on the shelf and I don’t water it. I don’t fertilize it. I don’t talk to it. I don’t put it in the sod like it needs. And then I get mad at it because it’s not romantic enough, right? It’s not giving me, it’s not bringing all that. That’s good. And so a lot of times I’m going to have Sean drab and men are bad about this in a session with their marriage counselor Edmond. I Want Romance, I want all this stuff, but I’m not doing anything to fertilize or to water or bring that about. And so if you don’t do that, you’ve either, um, the plant’s going to die. It’s going die, right? Or grab your cactus there. Um, how dare you use my cactus in his analogy? Or are you going to hope you married a cactus who just needs a little bit of water once a year, right?

Oh, Damon went up. So, so anyways, um, we got a water. This, it romance is not something that happens in one week of something that happens, is they process try. It happens over time. So, uh, and prior and, and cactuses, even your water, they’re pretty prickly, right? You can’t, you can’t touch, there’s just a lot of metaphor. There’s a lot of analogy there would have cactuses in Hawaii. I Bet David. So I’ll put my, uh, put my plans up. So, um, hey, to get the romance, to get the love, we want our relationship. We do the hard work of day in and day out. Yeah. Being an adult, right? And not, not doing the childish things right there. There’s, Paul says, you know, Paul says in Verse Corinthians 13, now, um, I have written down, but when I was a child, I thought like a child.

Like I reasoned like a child. Um, put away childish things, childish things. When I became a man, you know I put the ways of childhood behind me and that’s really what this is about. A minute. But that’s not manhood today, isn’t it? Isn’t it? Like video games, social media, watching movies, right? And, and Andrew Wives are here to take care of us, right? Because we want to get upset hours a day. We no real men don’t live that way. I know David doesn’t. That’s right. So let’s not, let’s talk about adulting. Hey Lord, right? And I’ve got three steps. I got three steps, four steps, and they’re not easy steps. But it is hard. I think we’ll say that there’s this, this tendency in us just want to go back to our childhood selves. Now this is a big topic, but live, let me Kinda hit this.

The first thing we got to do is take back control from the child, right? It’s good. And I think about this. I can’t let the, you didn’t let your child drive you to work today? No. Why not? Cause they would wreck the car, right? When you’re emotional, when you’re doing that and you try to react and respond out of that, it’s like letting the child drive the car. I’m not controlling myself as a marriage counselor Edmond. I’m going to try to drive anyways. Right? Um, and you guys know this. I do this multiple times a week. I’m gonna I fall back into this cause it’s hard. Now. Here’s why it’s hard. These patterns you’ve developed, uh, to cope, to deal with things, stress at whatever. Debra, when you were a child, they were hardwired in there and their pattern, I tell people, your patterns are not your fault, right? You use them to cope, to kind of deal with things.

Interesting. That’s fine. Not your fault. The problem is when we get adults, we still try to use the challenge patterns. We still try to use the childish ways and that’s what we’re trying to get out of, right? See that I’m not acting in an adult in my best interest, in the best interest for my relationship and I can choose a new pattern. Patterns weren’t our fault, but it becomes our responsibility as adults to treat each other. Did you come up with that? That’s good. That was good. Yeah, I’ve heard that. I’ve heard that. My clients, I’m not here to defeat you. You’re not here to defeat your partner. You’re here to feed the patterns that are keeping you from getting the load that you want. That’s right. Focus. That’s the thing. And so a good marriage. Stanford’s, can you guys tell me this old patterns die hard, right?

When you try to do something different, the old pattern says, oh yeah, I’ll show you. I’ll show you that I was a good pattern. Right? And I’m going to let you go by that easy. That’s why it’s hard. That’s why when you get into counseling and you go home, sometimes things get more difficult because you’ve challenged a pattern that wants to hang on and wants to get its needs met just in a childish way right now. Not The way we want to go, especially for a marriage counselor Edmond. So they die hard. But we’ve got to take back control just by understanding there’s even a child trying to control. Yeah, take their hands off the steering wheel, put him in the passenger seat and go from there. Um, second would have to require the adult to show up before going any further, right? Ooh, not strike when the iron is hot.

Right? If you’re a known this term with metal, you say strikes when there is high, then you can mold it for metal. Yeah. But it also reinforces it makes it stronger. So if you’re striking when it’s hot, you’re just make everything harder and more difficult. Woo. Right? If you left the iron on the car, if he left the iron, cooled down. Um, I always tell me, go to strike when the iron is cold. That’s a better time. Things have cooled down and you can actually be in your adult. You have to require though the adult to show up before moving forward. Here’s a myth. I should be able to deal with the difficult things. My relationship while I’m emotional wall, I’m hot while I’m going. That is a lie, right? Maturity is saying I can’t handle this and the state that I’m in and so I’ve got to get in a state where I can handle this, where I can be respectful before I go on.

That’s adulting. Right? That’s the Hashtag adulting, um, there were talking about. And then, so we just require that. And here’s kind of the season, what you’re saying, you’re saying to your partner, I love you so much that I am unwilling to talk to you in the state that I’m in because you will not get my best. Right. Or I love you so much. I’m going to bring my best, but it’s this, I love you. So I’m not, I’m not going to, I don’t think my wife puts you up to this. See, I think that’s right. I think tanning is behind this. That’s right. Yeah, that’s right. And then, um, what kind of pushed this is such, this is such a hard step. He thinks we’re just programmed, just try to jump into exactly the way I naturally do that. Just wait, just wait to come.

And then you can bring your best. Right. And then you can do number three, which is speak only out of love. [inaudible] right. And speak only out of love. So my goal is I’m always going to try to speak up to my partner, my partner in love. Um, that’s very biblical in humility. Consider, consider the other person more important than you. Right? You’re speaking up to them, not down to them, but speak only out of La. Right? So we have in, uh, in John come to the end of Jesus’ life, he tells his disciples, people will know who you are by your love. If you love one another here, if you want people to know that Christ is at the middle, the center of your relationship, they’re going to see it by your love. And the love is by the way that you treat each other, right?

So speak only out of love. I heard this acronym recently, it’s called weight and the weight means, why am I talking? Hmm. Right. If we would just stop [inaudible] I use it on my kids. I’ll try it out if funny one yesterday. Cause cause sometimes, sometimes the problem is somebody is not talking, they’re just withdrawing. Yes. So why wait, wait, not yet. Wait, am I not talking Wayne? And that’s an Oklahoma marriage counselor Edmond wink talking. Right? Right. Well we ain’t going to do that. Right. So, um, wait or wait either way. Why am I talking right? Sometimes I’ll be talking to my wife and I’ll be like, yeah, why am I talking? I think just cause I want her pity and I want you to feel really bad for me was you feel really bad for me than it feels like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right? Well, that’s not fun.

That’s not very long. It doesn’t help. The more you go into that, unless you get it. I know. I know. So, so we go from there. So speak it up. You’re speaking only out of love. Is this loving? Is this going to build up the relationship? I think that’s biblical too. So only what is helpful for building up a in current needs. Yeah. Yeah. So it’s, it’s huge, right? The Christian life is always marked. Yeah. By a difference in how you treat other people. Right. Always happens that way. It’s the same. It’s the same in our marriage. So this is the way to really get the intimacy. That’s this gonna matter, right? So you’re not just trying to make up for it. And one day of the year, uh, adults get intimacy. Children get the bachelor, right? Yes. They get that show where it’s just all about all these romantic gestures trying to be great.

And you think that’s what love is. No, right? Love is intimacies. What we’re going for, not brief moments of romance or passion, right? Because those are nice, but that’s it. Right? It’s great when they’re there. Right? Um, so again, you know, when I was a child, I talked like a child, right? When, uh, I thought like a child or a reasoned like a child and when I became a man, but the childish ways, uh, behind me and we’re really looking at putting that trial behind us so I can bring that adult self to that relationship, that amazing adult self. And that’s where you start to grow, right? That’s where you start to bring into your relationship the things that, that matter. That’s when you ask for what would make it a better, more romantic relationship. Ask for what would make it more fulfilling and more loving. And that’s what we’re, that’s what we’re trying to do. So

man, I don’t either. What brought up David Kay’s myth. Every time Ben speaks, he doesn’t talk a lot, but when he does he says super wise things, right? He knows how to wait. He does know how sometimes you just had to wait guys, we are so glad that you joined us. We love Sharon. God’s truths about how wherever you’re at, he could take you to a better place. Now, for a lot of you, this is enough. You love watching us on youtube or Facebook or and you visioned counseling Okc, but for the select number of you guys, you’re like, we would love to connect with you as a counselor. Great. We have a resource, New Vision, counseling.org we’d love for you to go there and fill out a form that we could contact you and connect with you and see what God can do. When you partner with one of us, we use biblical counseling and cutting edge counseling techniques to help you in your story become all that God made you to be.

Now, I really do appreciate you. Don’t you agree? It doesn’t have been at such a unique value. And I just, you’re an awesome dude. And maybe I just, I feel like a lot of times my, I really do feel like either my wife or my kids got ahold of this guy like the day before, like, Hey, dad needs to hear this. What am I? A husband needs to hear this. He’s so good. He’s on to us. He’s onto us. And also if you guys, if you would just do as a favor, take some time and just to like us rate us on Facebook and even on our website, it really helps people to figure out that biblical counseling and get a marriage counselor Edmond, and our team really do help people change their lives. So God bless and we will see you again really soon. Take care.