Welcome to better today with your Marriage Counselor Edmond host Shawn Maguire and with over 25 years of counseling experience, this is the podcast. It inspires you to create both an amazing family and marriage. This is the podcast that helps you to navigate the challenges of modern life. In this podcast, you will be given the same tools, techniques, and stories that Sean and his team have used to help thousands of people to transform their lives. If you’re ready to make real progress, that will change your marriage, your family, and your life. Then get ready because better today starts now.

Everyone in welcome back. I’m so glad that you joined me again today. You made it. You’re here to relax, enjoy, and I’m going to drop some opportunities for life transformation today that will help you in parenting and marriage and life. You know, when I first got married, I was super excited. My wife was so lovable, so kind. She still is. But you know, the newness of a relationship is exciting and I remember finding out when she was in junior high school or maybe, yeah, I think junior high or high school. She had been nominated to prom queen or to whatever kind of the homecoming. And so many times that she went to the office and told the principal, hey, hey, I don’t think I should get this because I think there are other people that should have this. And you know, I think that’d be fair.

There’s other girls that would love this and they were convinced that somebody was bullying her because nowhere ever likely in the history of the world has anybody ever done something so kind, so unselfish as my wife Tana did when she was young. Now when I heard that story, I thought I was always thinking about how can I become prom king? How can I be the guy on the field? Everybody’s looking at like who ra, who row. And we are so different in that way. And I think that plays out in merit too. So I bet you’re going to be able to relate to what we’re going to talk about today a lot. And you’re listening because you want to be the most awesome and greatest parent of all time for your kids. And all I can say to you is I can relate and great job and I think you will be because God is knowing it and appointed you to raise your children in a way that no one else has the grace to do because they’re yours and God gave you that responsibility and privilege.

Well, let’s look at this. What different parenting styles do you have and that we’re gonna talk about what to do about them. This is part two. Now I look at men in my office after counseling 25 plus years and having a counseling practice where I previously my career would go to schools. I would go to seminars and teach people how to navigate the waters of parenting, how to help teachers, principals, parents deal with kids that were out of control or unique situations in step parenting or divorce and issues that come with parenting from different homes. And I discovered a lot. One of them was that we’re called men and women to parent according to God’s standard. So make the goal doing what God says is right not being right. That’s a big difference. That’s a, that’s the, that’s a victory. The victory is not defeating your spouse.

If it is then a go to New Vision counseling.live. That’s New Vision Counseling Dot L. I v e. And we will get you in as soon as we can to start the process of change because I mean you don’t want to dominate your spouse. You want to compliment, empower and live with and love your spouse. Well, in our society, I think a good thing to realize is man have been disempowered and a lot of the vehicle through which that disempowerment has come is that men have used their strengths inappropriately. They’ve used their voice of power, they’ve used their body of power to abuse, to abuse. Kids see these women to take advantage of them from positions of power, which breaks the heart of God because he gave us that power as men to use it, to protect, to love, to serve, to do the heavy lifting, to honor in ways that transform people’s lives and let people know how valuable they are instead of stealing the value through our strength, we give the value to our strength.

And so I want to call you back men to authentic manhood that looks like Christ because so often we’ve been raised to think that the fruit of the spirit, you know the song comes to mind, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Oh yeah. So if you want to look that up, it’s in the Bible, Galatians and you can see the fruit of the spirit has often times been associated with women, love, peace, joy, gentleness. Yet you’re not going to find those qualities on a football field. You’re going to find guys smashing into each other and if you’ve played sports or any kind of thing like that, that’s what you’re pushed towards. And I think there’s been a shift and I think some of it’s good and some of it’s not good and it’s over shifted like things do in society.

But I think there’s a been a shift that there is some space now available for men to be loving, to be gentle. And the fruit of the spirit guys is not just for women, it’s for men too. We’re all called to cultivate because gifts are given. Fruit is developed and cultivated over time and with great soil, with great nutrients, with the right seeds, you can grow the best kind of fruit imaginable. If you want oranges go to Florida where I grew up, they have the best orange trees probably I would say in the world. I would, I remember fishing and getting these luscious, huge oranges when I’m fishing and not even need to bring water because there’s so many oranges full of so much juice that it was just filled me up. And I think that’s the what happened. That’s what happens when we cultivate the fruit of the spirit in our marriage and relationships, both men and women, that we start to show it in the way that we parent.

You know that there’s a scripture in first that’s a lone Ian’s to seven. It says, uh, um, well it just goes over. We were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children, which sounds weird for a guy to say because men, we often want to just be macho. We want to be strong and nobody gets to see our weaknesses because, oh, how terrible would that be if somebody saw our weaknesses? Newsflash, newsflash, newsflash, everybody knows you have weaknesses. Everybody sees them and it’s a big fail on our part. If we refuse to see them ourselves by looking in the mirror and the mirror could be the voice of our wife. It could be the face of our children because when we talk and we act, they will give us so much information if we only start to listen. That is when the change can begin in our lives and guides.

I know you can do this. I know you can do this. I know it. I trust you. I believe in you. Now, women, men will typically have the first reaction of aggression now and no way do I abdicate physical aggression, verbal aggression. Do I have to create any form of abuse on any level? No Way. No time. It’s never appropriate. There is this natural tendency though because we are failed with testosterone to be more aggressive. Now that could be like, go to your Marriage Counselor Edmond room, be quiet. That’s my thing. They call me the general cause. When I start to get stressed and overwhelmed, especially especially cause I say especially especially in parenting, I want to just, I mean my move is to go to control the situation, mitigate the extreme excitement or chaos. How do I get to the goal the fastest and the goal is peace, quietness, shh.

Just quietness. What do I need to do to get there fastest now that is most often the wrong, the wrong, wrong move. The right move is what do I need to say and do that keeps in mind and at the forefront, the heart of my children, that kind of adult that I want them to become what looks like Christ in the moment and then from that platform in advance, I can start thinking of scenarios and situations of how I can love my kids more effectively instead of react to them out of my own emotional baggage. Now, this is another thing to consider as a man is meditating on in advance of what we need to do to start succeeding in relationships with our kids with parenting. Now, I know for me, I do that in the morning and I, you know, I go through different seasons and right now I’ll be reading books on parenting.

I’ll be studying scriptures on parenting. I’ll be talking in podcasts about parenting. You know, why? Because I really need it. Or I see a friend that needs it and so I’ll start inundating my mind again, renewing it with parenting scriptures, with meditating on myself, succeeding, and even when my kids are acting out, let’s say that come home from work and not grateful for the me, or maybe they don’t even knowledge that I’m there. Well then I’ve been known to go knock on the front tour and be greeted so I can start the day off right at the end of my work day, I can start the day of parenting, of loving my wife and my children. Well, based upon my forethought, my preparation in advance, I can say something that I mean to say and avoid saying something mean because I haven’t prepared what to say and just think about things like that as you go through your Marriage Counselor Edmond day, as you’re, as a man or as a wife, encouraging.

Because one thing that I would encourage you to consider is we want to respond and not react. And I see a lot of women because you’re home with the children all day that you, and maybe you’re not, maybe you’re at work and you’ve been overwhelmed, but when you get home the burden of responsibility falls on you. Completely unfair by the way, in most situations and you are just stressed out and you react emotionally, you feel like a failure as a mom. You know you’ve spent your day loving and serving your kids and then they’re not grateful or your husband comes home and he requires you to serve him and you’ve been serving all day. You are maxed, tapped out. You cannot give a single drink. You are, you cannot fill up a single sippy cup. You cannot do one more diaper. You are spent and yet the demands of the day don’t stop.

So what you can do is you can take moments throughout the day as a wife to recharge, to rejuvenate, and you say, I can’t. I have little kids, man. Call your friends. Call your  Marriage Counselor Edmond neighbor, get a dog that’s smart. Do something that can give you some space to breathe, to rejuvenate those areas. Might be sitting down taking a 15 minute nap. It may be going out and sitting in the sun and watching your kids jump on the trampoline. Whatever that looks like for you. You must, you must you m u s t take care of yourself because healthy moms raise healthy kids, unhealthy moms raise unhealthy kids, healthy dads raise healthy kids. It’s just the way that sowing and reaping works. We will give out of the fruit that we have in our lives. We can not avoid this. It’s none of us can avoid giving our kids who we are.

We all, without exception, we’ll give our kids are our identities good and bad. And so that’s a, that brings me to another point as the guy, we want some solutions. So what’s some solutions that we can jump into? What some solutions for women that might be effective as well? Well, I would say ladies and gentlemen, time with God is irreplaceable. You can say, well, yeah, well I go to church on Sundays and you know I’m a Super Christian. I even go Wednesday nights too. Well that’s great, but not spending time directly with God is like reading about sex versus having sex with your spouse. Did he say sex on a Christian? Yes. Christian podcast. Yes I did. God gave it to us. It’s a beautiful thing and you want to have that directly with your spouse. You don’t want to read about it. You don’t want to hear about it from mother’s note.

You want the direct contact. The same is true relating to your intimacy with God and the same is true when you have sex. You can create new life. When you have a relationship with Christ, with God, with the Holy Spirit, and you are sitting with him, walking with him, talking and listening, and you have this dialogue and you have this relationship or he shows up every time you read the Bible, every time you read a book, every time you go to him, he’s the only one you’ll ever know. That will always be there. Every time you knock, you call and you reach out. So use him as an access to new life, to grace. That’s beyond your Marriage Counselor Edmond ability because trust me in parenting, we all need it. There is no exceptions. We all need God’s grace, which is supernatural ability to accomplish his purposes and will in our life beyond what became what we are capable of in the natural realm.

Also find books, bibles, people, podcasts, audibles that you can involve in your Marriage Counselor Edmond life to start dealing with some of these issues. To start reading. You know, there’s a book called parenting by Paul Tripp. James Dobson wrote one back in the day called dare to discipline. Barbara and Dennis Rainey have books out. There’s a lot of good authors that have written books on parenting. Just read one and slow roll through it. Don’t go super fast. If you know, don’t make the go finishing the book. Make the goal, applying the principles that will help your relationship and your parenting skills and enjoy the process and parenting’s. Great. It’s amazing. It’s so good that if you are able to step back and realize all the blessings that come from being a parent, then you’ll be able to appreciate the differences of being a mom, being a dad and you know the next podcast I’m going to go over how to empower each other.

Some of the pitfalls of pairing that we get into, and I wanted to do this more as a conversation because I know parenting is so hard and there’s so many different variables and how we parent based upon who we are and we all parent out of our issues. What did he say? Yeah, we all parent out of our issues and if we work through those issues, guess what? The more we resolve the issues, the more we close the door on the generational curses. And the bad things that have been passed down to us from our parents and the more we’re able to highlight the good things, the good keys that parents have given us to bring to our kids, and the more that we go to counseling, we go to friends, we read books, we allow the Lord to heal our hearts. The more we’re able to parent out of his love and we can uniquely apply his love to a man and through a woman in a way that together looks like the beauty and the love of God.

Hey, I hope this was great and helpful. If it was, please share it with friends that you think could benefit from it because I invest a lot of time and resources and getting the word out because I know that we have a Christian counseling practice that we can’t serve everybody, but we can serve a lot. These podcasts, I hope reach far and wide inspiring you and your friends and your family to go for it with God to not stay limited to what you know and what you’ve done, but only limited into what God has available through his word, his will and his way. And maybe you’re sitting there thinking, Sean, this is great, but I need so much more help. Great News, great news, great news, great news. Did I say great news? We have a team of counselors that marry biblical principles with cutting-edge counseling techniques.

They don’t want to join you in your Marriage Counselor Edmond story, not just sit on the couch and listen, but jump into the fray of life with you and to walk hand in hand, side by side, helping you navigate these waters of parenting, marriage, and life. How do you get ahold of us? Great question. Go to New Vision counseling dot. Live at New Vision counseling dot l. I. V. E. You can reach out through email. You can reach out through phone, however you need to get there. And we also have a Instagram and Facebook page with the handle of nutrition counseling OKC. And thank you for those of you that want to rate and review us. It means the world to us because that’s how the metrics work. You rate get reviewed on iTunes and then the word gets spread more people listen. More. People’s lives are changed. So thank you so much for listening and sharing and reviewing until we meet again. Remember, you make your Marriage Counselor Edmond life great through one great decision after another.