to better today with your host Shawn Maguire and with over 25 years of counseling experience, this is the podcast that inspires you to create both an amazing family and marriage. This is the podcast that helps you to navigate the challenges of modern life. In this podcast, you will be given the same tools, techniques, and stories that Sean and his team have used to help thousands of people to transform their lives. If you’re ready to make real progress, that will change your marriage, your family, and your life. Then get ready because better today starts now.
Hi everyone and welcome back. Sean McGuire here. And I am glad that you are joining again for part two. You, uh, really doing with your kids what to do and they disregard your authority or other’s authority. This is such a big deal because it’s the very foundation of how God wired us to live under his authority in good care and really if they want a great life and to live long and be prosperous and they’ve got to honor their father and mothers, this isn’t something that you’re making up. It’s not even something that you get to choose or not choose for your children to live under. It’s a principle of sowing and reaping that God himself instituted into motion and it’s how the world works. If you want a child to have a blessed life and they by default must honor you, they must honor their father and mother.
It’s just the way God set it up and it’s a great way because now we understand the way it works. Look at Adam and eve or that landed all of us because they disobeyed God and look at what happens in society when people are outside the laws of God. There’s grave consequences for them and for others as well. And so part one, we went over this, we talked about going for the heart, we talked about we have choices as parents even though a lot of times we may feel like we don’t really do. So if you haven’t jumped back in and listened to that part one because it’s going to be great for you now import too. I really wanted to talk about specific things to say and how to go about doing that. So often we get caught up in the minutiae of the behaviors and we get so caught up in arguing back and forth.
No, I didn’t do that. You didn’t say that. Especially when your Marriage Counselor Edmond kids become teenagers and they develop this intellectual ability to spar with you. And if you have kids that are homeschooled private school or they’re just really intelligent, they oftentimes can go to a level that you’re not prepared to deal with. Now, as a youth, when your kids are really young, it’s emotionally triggering you and that’s why you react poorly. But when they’re old, it’s emotional trigger inside of you. Plus their words might trap you. They might trap you. So be really conscious of this, that you don’t always have to win. Don’t always have to win the argument. And really if you’re trying to win the argument, there will always be a loser. So that might not be your best mentality to look at it. So think about it this way. Think about you have a plate of, and you need a script.
You need a script to know where to be, how to act, how to respond. It’s the same thing that God gave us. The scripture microwave’s are not in scripture. Genetically Modified Foods are not in scripture speedboats or non scripture, but the principles of how to eat and take care of our body, the principles of wise living, of not being ridiculous and the way we spend money. Those are all in the Bible. Just like parenting principles obeying the Bible, just like these scripts will help you not exactly with every situation, but will give you an understanding of how to appropriate godly words and wisdom to most situations in advance. All right, so let’s go back to, I’ll just give you an example of my son, something that I want to help him see that God’s calling him to be more than what he is. I want to take the framework of God’s called my son to be a champion.
God’s called my daughter to be a champion Activia, a godly princess. In this world of people that sell out, she’s called to be a light. To show them that there’s a different way that you don’t have to follow the economy of the world to feel good about yourself. And there’s a different way to measure success. And we just are really intentional. That’s why you’re listening to this because you are intentional parents. And no matter how many failures you have, God gives us a night and he gives us a day and he gives us something that I love and it’s called the morning to recalibrate, to restart, to refresh, to renew and new hope and new opportunities. You know, God says my mercies are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. So no matter where you’re listening to this from in your Marriage Counselor Edmond life, no matter what season you’re in, no matter how many failures you’ve made in the past, encouraged, encouraged, encouraged me in what encouraged.
God has a plan for you and he is for you. It’s for your kids. And you are anointed and appointed more than anyone else in this world. As a parent, to love your child in a way that leads them to Christ and lead them to be exceptional human beings in the process. So what are the scripts look like? Well, I’ll just give you an example with my son Hayden, who is very, very, very strong, strong, strong willed and there’s a great side to strong will because you can’t break them if they serve God, they’re undaunted, they are persevering, they will long suffering, they will outlast anyone and not be taken out by anyone because their will has been surrender to God and God works through that vehicle. The strong will to champion his causes for the world, which is love. So just be encouraged if you have a strong little kid.
So my son, I said, hey buddy, don’t drink the rest of the milk. Leave enough for us cause he loves that. We buy this milk that’s has fat in it. It’s not processed at high heat. So it’s more adapted to your Marriage Counselor Edmond body and it’s just good. It’s just good and tastes really good and he loves it. Well his thing is he likes to drink most of it if not all of it. If we don’t put limits on. So I said, buddy, let’s not do that. You know, mom, my staff, we enjoy milk too. And your your sister and I come home from work and guess what happened? That milk is not all gone. There’s about no joke, probably two tablespoons of milk. Now this milk is like $7 we don’t drink a lot of it because it’s so much money and what we do, we drink and we enjoy it.
So there’s about two tablespoons left of this milk and it’s colonic milk. If you’re wanting it, wondering what kind of milk it is, k o l a and a from natural grocers. And I said, hey buddy, give me her and I instead of addressing him directly and giving them a lecture, which is my number one way to do it naturally, naturally, I just want to give him logic and explain so they get it and they make better choices. Regrettably, that’s really not how this works. You have to be intentional and be short with your words so that they tune in and maximum levels to like man less than broadly. 15 seconds if you can get fit. I’ve said 30 before, I mean 60 if really you’re going on. But if you’re going to truly give them direct confrontation on what they’re doing, try to think about 1530 seconds and help them really understand cause 1530 seconds of that is like 15 to 20 minutes in the way that most kids were already at.
So 15 to 30 seconds and just say, you know, instead of dealing with it directly, what I chose to do in this situation, I don’t always do this, but when I’m thinking in the right space, I’m able to do things like this and you are to practice makes better, doesn’t make perfect. And when Jesus was perfect, but it makes better and it gets progress. So I said, hey buddy, you remember that when we were all went out for ice cream? He was like, yeah, I said it was great, right? We went out, we went to natural grocers, we picked up a half gallon and we came on, we all had enough and it was, he’s like, yes, I remember my premium was, and he’s like, yeah. And his people a little cream on it. And he was just getting into it. He’s like, yeah, let me watch Lord of the rings, which is like our jam that in vendors and marvel movies and I’m really going to buy.
And I said, I mean it wasn’t it good that we all had enough and we actually had some leftover. He said, yeah, that’s great. And I, and I started again to participate in and new, enjoying it. Really think about how we all enjoy this ice cream. Mom gets laced perfectly, gets a second lease and she just lowly. She just takes her time. And I said, remember when your Marriage Counselor Edmond sister was able to like, this is so good, you’re done first. And I’m done second. And he was able to visualize it as mind, all of us enjoying this time. And I said, buddy, do you remember when we talked about when I left in the morning? I said, hey, just to make sure you leave enough for all of us to enjoy it before we go shopping again. Mom doesn’t go to Wednesday, today’s Monday. And he’s like, yeah.
And then it dawned on him like what he did and I said, I said, buddy, when I came home and before I got the words out of my mouth, what do you think started to happen dad? I’m so sorry. Will you forgive me? He got on his hands and knees looked me in the eye. That’s the little tear kind of coming out the corner of his eyes and said, dad, father, you work so hard. You deserve milk. What can I possibly do to repay you chores? You want me to leak the rake the lawn? Do you want me to do all the leaves? What can I do? Father, no, absolutely no way. Did that happen on any level and if it happened to you write a book and you figured out how to make that happen, man, write a book and you’re getting millions sold, I’ll help.
I’ll partner with you. We’ll write a book together. No, that didn’t happen. He started to become defensive. He started to defend his actions of why he was riding. Well, you never really said, dad, how much I could drink. You just said leave some for you. And, and you know, that’s all I did. I left some for you there. It has the buddy I didn’t ask if you left enough. I didn’t ask if, if you did what you thought was right. I asked if you remember me asking you to leave enough for us to enjoy it. And then he’s like, well, and I said, buddy, it is just, I just wanted to know you thought that was the right thing to do. And I, and I started putting the questions in that position for him to answer. Now he’s for sure escalated, but because I wasn’t trying to fight him and win this battle, I was trying to educate and sow seeds.
I took a different position. Listen, I am naturally somebody who likes to spar and go back and back and not lose. So I had to come to the situation, to the conversation prepared to deal with it, to not fight him, to win, but to plant seeds and soil. And if I start to lecture him and I start to tell him how, how could he be so selfish? You know, I worked really hard and mom and his sister, you know, now they don’t have something for their cereal tomorrow morning and that wouldn’t work. That would make this soil of his heart harder because instead of focusing on the heart issue, he would be focusing on defending his actions. He would be focusing on how can my dad be so mean? I didn’t understand what he meant. That just gets us derailed and we never get to the heart, which is where true change really happens.
Because my goal is to plant a seed, not, not, not to hammer in, to use some extra incredible force to Jackhammer in a seed because it will destroy the seed in the process and it won’t be in fertile soil, election growth. So when you have that mentality, it really flips the flow. And then I went beyond that and I talked about, hey buddy, I said, I want you to think about this. What if you’re out with a friend and they asked you, hey, yeah, you can have some of my friend tries, but just leave me some and your, you’re at their house and they go and they look and you’ve eaten all but two French fries. What’s that going to look like with your, with your friend? And he tells me, well dad, I’d probably be mad at me. I said, all right, let’s just say your teacher asks you, Hey, I need you to use a pencil for the scan trons and fill them out with the number two pencil, but you decided, you know what, I don’t care what they say.
I’m going to use a pen. I have a pen here and my pencils broken. Or maybe you’ve even forgotten your pencil that day and you say, I’m just going to use a pen and you fill out the scantron with pen. Well, yeah, I’m going to fail the test because I didn’t, I didn’t use pen. I said, all right, wait, wait. Stay with me here. Stay with me here. I want to happens when you get older and you have this really cool job that you applied for it, you worked really hard and you got to this position where you’re designing legos and you’re creating these new creations and they’re on the front of boxes and your boss is like, Hey Hayden, I need you to be at work by 8:00 AM and man, I know you like to wear shorts but let’s just wear pants during the week and I really need you to stay late till 9:00 PM because we’ve got this project, we’ve got this amazing project due.
Great opportunity for you to really make your career soar. If you can knock this out with your Marriage Counselor Edmond team because now you’re leading a team and you worked there and the next, the night, the night before, and you stay up late, you’re watch movies, you, you, you know you’re doing all kinds of it. Maybe even doing a research on this project of what to do and your role in about 9:00 AM they’re supposed to be there at eight you have shorts on and, and you’re not prepared because you stayed up too late and you didn’t do it with the boss asks you to do and you do what you want them to do to prepare. And he showed up late. Your team was already there. The proposal that you were supposed to do, you missed it, you missed it. Your team was ill prepared. And at nine 30 your proposal was given and it was terrible because your team wasn’t ready and you were in shorts, not a suit, not pants.
And you get fired. And the real start to turn for most kids, the wheels will start to turn. They might make some excuses, but don’t debate the excuses cause then you’re getting derailed from going for the heart. Just let the seeds go where they need to go. And so Scott, that he’s big enough to make them make that happen. Now what I find helpful is to tell stories about my personal life. You know, my kids love to hear stories when they feel like they’re being lectured. Not as much, but if I just tell them stories and we build on these stories, they’re great kids. Tune in to stories of you or even other people in examples, just like me telling stories in these podcasts, I feel like a lot of people say it helps me to realize that you’re not just talking about it, but that you actually see the fruit of it in your Marriage Counselor Edmond own life.
And it’s true. I do, but I’m very intentional and I ask for forgiveness a lot, especially in parenting because I want to do great and I don’t think my kids, if everything else in life is amazing and I succeed in marriage, I succeed in friendships and building a practice that changes lives through nuvision counseling, but I fail at loving my kids and we’re like, Christ loved us and guided and trained us and I’m not going to count my life as success. I’m going to count that part is really missing it from God. Now remember in conclusion, think about ways that you can parent your kids that are helpful, and one of those big ways is the goal is not to win the argument to win that battle. The goal is to plant seeds in the heart, so God will help win the war and the war is not against them.
It’s not against them, which it can seem like it is because they’re the ones disrespecting and disregarding your Marriage Counselor Edmond authority. It’s about planting seeds and praying and trusting the Holy Spirit to guide, to nourish, and to make those seeds grow in their hearts. And you do that through your intentional scripts, through prayer. Did I say through prayer? Yeah, through prayer, prayer, and then again, when you’re done with that, pray more. This is inviting God on your yours and your kids’ behalf to change their lives eternally. Well guys, I hope this was great and helpful because I know this really blesses me and really I don’t just talk about this stuff. I really am so knowledgeable about counseling, marriage, parenting, because I love my kids. I love my wife and I am just like you. I need God’s help every single day to have a even a chance at succeeding and living out of who he says I am versus the world, the failures, my circumstances, the way I feel instead of living those things.
I tuned into him daily and I hope these podcasts have become a sense of source and a resource of encouragement for you to not just hear some good stories, but practical steps that you can see quench. Lee, build this crazy or not crazy, but amazingly great life of God for yourself. And I think, and I know that you listening, you’re the kind of person that will do this because you love yourself. You love your kids, you love your God Marriage Counselor Edmond, and you want the very best for them. And maybe you have friends that could benefit means a lot. If you would share this with them, if you would also go to Google or iTunes and review us helps get the word out because really so many people are not living their lives. This is a truth. They’re living it as a hope or something that can attain to.
And they really, really can. And maybe you’re one of those people that say, Sean, I want more. This is great, but I need somebody to partner with me. Great News. We have a team of counselors that married biblical principles with cutting edge counseling techniques. They want to join you in your Marriage Counselor Edmond story today and they will just sit on the couch and watch you struggle through life. No Way. They’re going to jump into your story and they’re going to help you discover what better looks like for you. And then it could be with the tools to create it. They will do that. That will give you these opportunities and have by your side the entire way. So what are you waiting for? Check us out. Go to our website. It’s New Vision counseling. Detlev that’s New Vision counseling that l I v E and if you are on Facebook or Instagram, then go to New Vision Counseling OKC, you can follow us. That’s our handled for both. And guys, I believe in you just like, oh, I encourage you to believe in your kids, to validate them, to love them, to call them up. These podcasts are calling you a until your Marriage Counselor Edmond identity in Christ, and you can do that through one decision after another. So make today great.