Hello, I’m Shawn Maguire and welcome to the OKC Christian marriage counseling New Vision counseling.live podcast, a place where our mission is to help you to discover what better looks like for you, and then equip you with the tools and resources to create it. Now we’ve been going over the six keys to creating an amazing marriage, six keys to creating an amazing marriage. And now we’re on key number four. But before we jump into them, I just want to remind you, if you haven’t, go back and listen to the previous three because they build in sequence of what you need to create an amazing marriage, not just sustain but, but create and then sustain with these habits. And most of them were minimal, two minutes, five days a week. Some are longer, like 20 or some of the other ones that we’re going to get into a little bit longer. But most are really short, intentional decisions you make daily to increase the love, the life and vitality you get to experience in your marriage, in a relationship.
So first key we went over was partings. How to say goodbye. Say Goodbye with a kiss. Say Goodbye with a hug. Say Goodbye by asking one thing of your spouse and about their day. The second one is reunions. How do we say hello? You know, in Oklahoma City, Edmond, we have great may hellos and how these and all different ways that we say hello and you and your area of the world. Maybe you have a different way. Well, however you would do that just to make sure to make it something that is exciting, something that is pleasant, something that you want to come home to and your wife or your spouse that stays home wants you to come home too as well. So included. Hug again included kiss, and then some people immediately go into talking about their day or maybe they put that off til later because they want to take care of the kids.
Find your rhythm, make that happen. The third key that we went over was appreciation and admiration. How do we show value? How do we show the gratitude of the identity of the person that we want to show love to? Because when we sow those seeds of appreciation and value, we reap the harvest. Whether it’s soon or maybe later, depending on where your relationship is. Now those of you that are healthy, we’ll have a much faster harvest of the seeds that you sow, those that you owe, they’ve been in stress or have been distant for a long time, or maybe always you’re going to take more time to develop these keys in their rewards that will ensue because of that. So in OKC Christian marriage counseling, these are big. The three keys are really big and it’s a great start. You know, a lot of Christians come in and they want a better marriage.
You want a better marriage, but they just don’t know how. You just don’t know how. And so I’m going to jump into, we’ve got the three now, let’s go to the fourth. The fourth is one of my favorites. It’s affection. Ah, because one of my five level, I have a lot of love, like we just, but what am I chop is affection? I love to be touched and healthy, loving and safe ways when somebody, you know, my, even my kids when they touched me, I just enjoy it. My son’s more running at full speed and slamming into me. My daughter’s more snuggled on the couch or tickling and it’s such a sweet, sweet element, but you know, affection and marriage is drastically different because there really is no limits to healthy affection in marriage because some of the areas of marriage we can be affectionate in are the only places that we can have that kind of intimacy.
Now when I say affection, I don’t mean just sex and really sex is a small but crucial part. The majority is going to be hugs, kisses, holding hands, snuggling and cuddling, spooning all those elements that you show love. All right, so I want to sell a story about this. I was at church on Sunday this past Sunday and you know, we’re going into a prayer and so my typical list to reach over and grabbed my wife’s hand and I had my other hand on my right leg and I’ve got my eyes closed and my wife and I are holding hands. That person, I think the preachers praying over us and all of a sudden I feel somebody go for, you know, you go for the, the, the intertwined fingers. I felt somebody going for it at lock my fingers up and I was like, what is going on?
The dude, the guy next to me reached over and grabbed and held my hand and I was like, what? And I looked over, his eyes were closed. It was a single guy and I just thought, man, this is super awkward, but he’s going for it. And I just let them have it. I said, man, God, if this is the way that he needs to connect, then then he can go for it. Now, I guess maybe he doesn’t get a lot of effects for, maybe that’s where his rhythm, but that’s not the kind of effects I’m talking about. I’m talking about the condom I left with your wife cause even that was showing affection and it builds connection. So something powerful happens when you’re touched. Oxytocin is released when it’s a healthy touched. You know, if you have a 30 20 to 32nd hug, science says that this oxytocin is released in your body and that feels great.
Oxycontin is it narcotic that you feel elated for 30 minutes or however long, but then it goes away and then it subtracts oxytocin when your body naturally organically releases it. There is no downside. There’s only a wiring in of Maine. It feels good to be touched by somebody that loves me. So do that. We talked about doing that. When you park doing that, when you say hello, it really helps wire in these positive habits and connects you on a deeper level, keeps your marriage safe and going forward. You know, God wired us to be loved to be touched. There is a neuroscientist named Caroline leaf. Doctor Caroline Leaf Lei, a f. Well, doctor Caroline leaf talks about how each of us, we’re wired for love. Each of us, we’re wired for affection. Each of us, we’re wired to experience the goodness of God through the affections of others.
And because we live in a world that’s fallen, so oftentimes we experience criticism. We experienced hurtful touch. If you’re in a relationship that’s toxic, you’re experiencing touch that is harmful and, and God never intended that to be the case. And so when we are intentional about going and you know, eating healthy, we eat organic, well then that feeds our body. What it needs, when we’re intentional about our touch and getting and giving the right kinds of touch will then instead of the kiss of death, and we’ll call those vampire kisses, you know, that see the movie where the guy’s all swooning the girl, but then when he goes for the neck, it’s not the kiss of life, it’s the kiss of death that literally drains the life out of that person. And some of you may have had a history because of you’re being raised by an abusive parent, or maybe your sibling touches you in unhealthy ways, or maybe you dated somebody that was unhealthy and that’s what you know.
Well, this is where you begin to rewire. And if it’s really deep and complex and I really recommend you go to our website, nuvision counseling.live in Oklahoma City, Edmond, and we would love to connect with you and join you in your story and help you navigate these deeper paths that need to be healed and then help you rewire them. But for a lot of you, this will be sufficient to rewire this by intention. So you go for the kiss of life and instead of creating irritation and stress because of your previous history of maybe unhealthy touch, it creates goodness. It creates connection. And you can even give forgiveness through our kiss, through a touch because you’re choosing to love a person that’s harmed you in way. Now I’m talking about verbal or you get in an argument, you know normal things in the rhythm of life and relationship that happened.
It’s a form of healing that God uses, that expresses we’re letting it go. We’re letting it go. And you know, I think God, when you honor the way he created you and you are intentional about these touches in marriage counseling and OKC Christian marriage counseling, I have people hold hands. I have people do all kinds of different touching activities. I have people you know go on walks if they don’t, if they don’t follow through with what I give them and if it’s a nice day, I will assign them to go on a 15 minute walk. Cause where we were in my offices, there’s a really nice neighborhood that’s great for walking behind us and I’ll have them go on a 15 minute walk and I’ll give them an assignment of what to do through their marriage counseling experience on their walk. And this amazing opportunity helps them come back connected and a lot of times laughing and doing things they haven’t done in a really long time.
And remember guys and girls, marriage is the only legitimate source of romantic love. It’s the only legitimate source your spouse can get. The sexual needs fulfilled, the emotional needs of wanting to be with somebody sexually, your marriage, and is the only legitimate source. God says that you can enjoy that and and so if you’re not being affection outside the bedroom, it’s going to be hard to have a true intimate connection other than just sexual inside the bedroom. So it’s really important guys, the greetings, I went over and saying hello and goodbye with a kiss. It helps you to release stress. It helps you create life and love the hugs. Same thing. It helps you to create an opportunity to love and release stress. Thinking about a time that you’ve just melted in the arms of somebody that loves you. Think about a parent or friend or a spouse where you’re going with your kids.
If you have children, how they just melt in your arms when they’ve had a tough day. This could be your experience every day when you get off of work and things happen that are tough, you can sit with somebody that loves you and they can hold you and there something of God’s love that has transferred in this process. And you could also pray for the person you’re holding and showing affection for, whether it’s out loud or in your own heart. It’s amazing and it’s tender. This is also, you know, imagine being held by your spouse in a, in a hug or a cuddle. It’s also a barrier of protection from adultery, from the wilds of the world, from being drawn away from your marriage that God has blessed you with and in OKC Christian marriage counseling, we grew up with this a lot and this is a big part of keeping your marriage strong on a daily basis.
This is the opposite of starving your, your spouse and your marriage from affection. When you starve a part of your marriage. Man in Edmond, Oklahoma City, I see this so much. You will see it die and you will see people go outside of the marriage to look, to get fed because you can only be hungry without getting sustenance long enough. Now, if we have that marriage counseling Christian or not, what are non Christian? It doesn’t matter. I help people to connect to healthy relationships that are right with God and others to meet needs and experience God’s grace until they’re healthy. Relationship can be established in the sexual arena, so other things to do, cuddle in bed before you go to sleep. Good night. Kisses are great ways to end the day and they’re released for giving us and to give forgiveness and to accept forgiveness for whatever’s happened before that.
Again, this is for the relationship and marriage that is not toxic, that is not violent, that is not severely abusive. If that’s situation, please go to New Vision counseling.live today. Let us serve you. Let us join your stores, one of our team members that build that create a safe environment. We were married, biblical principles with cutting it’s OKC Christian marriage counseling techniques to serve you in your journey. So guys, I hope this was amazingly helpful. This takes five minutes a day, seven days a week, five minutes a day, seven days a week. I’ve given you several clear ways to do this and I know you can do this. I believe in you. I know I believe in you because God made you for this relationship. No matter if you say, well, that’s just not me. Well, if what you are is not who god made you to be biblically, you have an obligation to surrender that part of your life to God.
Get the help you need. Uncover why you’re so distant and then let God heal and restore the areas that he wants you to be free and be able to be giving love and be receiving love and well guys, I hope this was incredibly helpful. We’ve gone over four keys. Affection was the last one. Please go back and listen to the other podcasts that I’ve done or read the articles that go over this. Also, we have a free guide. If you go to our website, nutrition counseling.live, whether you’re an Oklahoma City or Edmund Okc, doesn’t matter. You can get this free guide around the world and it’s a videos that are shorter than the podcast, but they go over the six keys to creating an amazing marriage. Now, maybe you’ve watched this and you said, Shawn, this was great. For those of you, man, I’m so glad to serve you.
Go to our website, go to our Instagram and Facebook. That is news and casting OKC and it would really mean a lot to us if you would share this with the others like us. If you can rate newbridge and counseling.live on the Google reviews, that really helps get the word out that God changes lives through counseling. And then for those that don’t need counseling, just please share this with others because we want people to get unstuck and be free to live the way God made them to live. And for those of you that need more help, again, reach out or if you have a friend that needs help that you just, they come to mind while you’re listening to this, please share our information with them. Again, the Google reviews helps people to know that we can be trusted, that we really do want to serve and help people’s lives transformed. Because our mission at news and OKC Christian marriage counseling that live is to help you discover what better looks like for you, and then equip you with the tools and resources to create it. Hey guys, have an amazing week, and you do that by creating it. Look forward to talking with you again really, really soon.