Hi, this is Shawn Maguire with a new vision counseling.live podcast, OKC Christian marriage counseling episode number 16 well, today I’m going to talk to you about something that’s been really, really misunderstood. It’s about why respect to a man is as important as love is to a woman. While respecting a man is as important as love to a woman. Now, so often this gets diluted because people in our society today, especially in America, get so caught up in the gender roles and so easily offended. So I want to start by saying this message will not affect you positively unless you’re willing to just go with an opportunity to change your marriage and your life by not focusing on the villain of your spouse, whether it’s your wife, the culture, or a friend or somebody in your pet, like let’s just make this about loving and respecting and how we can best serve each other in these relationships towards the greater good of God, our society and our families.
So there was a guy named Emerson agric, his name is Emerson Eggerichs and it’s Eg, g. E. R. I. C. H. S. He wrote this book called Love. And respect. Now I think you really added something to the field of psychology because there are so many books written on love. So many books written on love. So many movies made over how important love is, and the Bible is filled with love. You know, at First Corinthians 13 the love chapter has been above all these is love. Love conquers over a multitude of sins. For God so loved the World He sent his only begotten Son. Love is were splendid throughout the Bible and throughout the right things in our culture as well. But there’s a very common theme and really a need for a man and that’s respect. Now by saying a man needs to be respected. I am not saying that a woman needs to be disrespected.
I think actually it’s exact opposite and I would never agree with that. So focusing on a man it needed to be respected really makes his heart come alive. The Bible’s really clear about about each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself. Well that really in the epistle to the Ephesians, that’s the highest calling of a husband. He can love a wife as he loves himself, cares for himself. A lot of fellows are selfish and they think only of themselves. And so God saved me and put your wife in such a position in your life that she is valued, loved, cared for, you’re gentle, and you really take care of her in a way that honors her and then shows your kids value. The lesser talked about even in Oklahoma City, in Edmond, the Bible Belt, which we’re in in Edmonton, Oklahoma City is respect.
You know, they’re so big about love, but very little bit about respect. Now. What do you mean by respect Sean? Well, that’s a great question and like I said, that book by Emerson Eggerichs love and respect will go into great, great detail. I read this probably 16, 17 years ago. Uh, first when I first was married, let’s just say that the book did not make it. I got pretty upset because I didn’t feel like I was getting respected early on and it just basically exposed everything that wasn’t happening at that season in my marriage. And so it was a really tough read. I had to go across the room, pick it up and you know at a later date probably read it again and looking at it now this book is so tabbed up, it’s probably got 45 tabs in it, which just shows you where I was personally at in my identity in Christ helmet lacking.
I was, how needy I was early on in my marriage of feeling like I needed to respect, be respected, to really give the love that my wife needed. I feel like I needed to be respected to succeed in my career and I felt like she was a source, which you’ll discover that that’s the wrong and the field of OKC Christian marriage counseling. The big wins are when you focused on on God contains you and not your spouse change you and not your spouse. So no matter where you are, if you’re a fellow native and Edmund in Oklahoma City or let’s say you’re in Florida or you’re a, you know, down the road, an hour and a half in Tulsa, this is applicable to you. If you’ll listen to some of the ways that we react, you’ll understand why you get into something called the crazy cycle, the crazy cycle.
Now what would you say? What in the world’s a crazy second? Well, the crazy cycle basically says that without love she reacts in a disrespectful way, but without respect he reacts in a loving way. And so I remember early on in my marriage when I would ask for my wife to give me verbal affirmations like, Hey, [inaudible], thank you for going to work and sacrificing for our family. And she just wouldn’t do it. I felt disrespected or when I would confront a situation or a family, and early on in our marriage, he was to say that she was, uh, anti or averse to confrontation would be the understatement of the century. She ran away like she literally would turn around and walk away if I addressed an issue, I feel completely disrespected in those situations. And then I reacted in unloving ways, which created a trigger, a response.
Then we jumped into the crazy cycle. One of the biggest realizations that I had is that she wasn’t doing it to me. It wasn’t a personal attack on me. She was reacting out of her own issues. It wasn’t, it wasn’t because I was an awful person or because he was a bad person and broken. It was a life changing awareness that resulted in us making decisions that for the rest of our marriage, we would seek to identify what the problem is once we got in this crazy cycle and not focus on vilifying the spouse in the relationship. So instead of spending so much of my time looking at her and say, no, if it wasn’t for you that I would feel be more successful at work. If it wasn’t for you, then I would feel like more of a man. And she could also say you, you know, move away from, you know, you’re still harsh and you’re so rule oriented and the way that you approach life.
I feel like I can never measure up and I’m never feeling like you love me enough. I’ve got to perform. And we both, instead of focusing on those things in each other, we externalize them, need to put them out in front of us, and we said, we’re just made different. Like I need respect. You need love in different ways. Let’s figure out together how to energize this move into a different season. By the way we talk, and by the way we approach each other now. It started with seeing that she sees the world through a pink lens through a Pink Lens, and I look, I have, I don’t have a pink shirt now, but I’ve had several pink shirts throughout the years and I like him. I think pink’s the fun color, especially hot pink. Now we as men see the world, let’s say through a Blue Lens.
It colors the way that we see the world. You know, in OKC Christian marriage counseling, it’s really helpful to walk couples to a position where they acknowledge that they are different fundamentally that that one of them approaches the marriage from usually a logical standpoint. Oftentimes, not always. It’s the man. Then there’s other times when the other one approaches it from a really emotional standpoint and needing loves and even more connection oftentimes, not always. I’ve got several couples where it’s reversed that the woman, uh, need that deeper connection needs a long intimate relationship, needs met through verbal communication and so starting with that helps you to stay away from the crazy cycle. Understanding that you need to be respected as a man and women. I think a lot of us guys know that we need to be honoring and loving towards our spouse. It’s taking the steps to make that a daily ritual, daily habit so that we consistently do that.
One of the other things is respect, motivates us guys. If you don’t know this about yourself and women, if you don’t know this about your man that, I see this all the time because I know so many people in Edmond in Oklahoma City. I see generations of people I saw 15 years ago that I saw for premarital and there’s issues like the respect or even OKC Christian marriage counseling or love. I see the difference in the way that she honors him. Even just in seeing him at church or seeing him at the movies or at the mall. Well I really don’t go to the mall much anymore, but if I were to go the Times I’ve gone, I’ve seen people and I see just the way they touch and look at each other and it really has changed. It really has changed and it’s amazing what happens when we get this fundamental principle down that he is motivated by respect.
She is motivated when you love her and it’s so amazing when you realize this. Now in the next talk, I’m going to do this in multiple parts cause I really want to hit on some of these issues and again, Emerson Eggerichs did a great job there. There’s really not been a lot of other big works in the field that I can tell you to go outside and read. I can tell you to go to s, you know the Bible, look at prospect. You won’t see it in that form very often, but you’ll see it in story form. David. Remember when David, you may not know this, but David, when he brought the Ark of the covenant, which was represented the presence of God back to Israel, they say the Bible says he was dancing naked through the streets, naked through the streets. Now his wife Michael, when she saw him, she said, Oh, King David, how you have distinguished yourself in front of all of the maidens of Israel by dancing naked in the streets.
Now, David loved Michael. He loved her so much that he went and he killed 200 Philistines because that’s what King Solomon or Saul said to do. If you want the hand of my daughter, you’ve got to go do this. Cause he thought surely David would die. But David did. He, he brought him. I think he might have even brought back more than what the king raise requested because he loved her. He endangered his life. So the same Michael, when she said, oh, how you’ve distinguished yourself in front of all the handmaidens by dancing naked in front of them and all of Israel, the Bible is clear. It says, David never saw her again. Never saw her again. So the thing that respects not a big deal to men and men, the thing that you’re above needing this is to miss out in a golden opportunity to jump into a depth of your marriage that you’ve not yet experienced.
That can be amazing. Now for some of you, you say, this is great, but my marriage is on the brink of disaster. Or I have a friend whose marriage is on life support. I have great news. We at New Vision OKC Christian marriage counseling have a team of therapists who married biblical principles with cutting edge counseling techniques to join you wherever you’re at in your story today. And the great news is our mission is exactly to meet people where they’re at. It’s too to help you discover what better looks like for you and equip you with the tools and resources to create it. So guys, if that works for you, go to our website, nuvision counseling.live and contact us today. We can help you friend. A lot of you will send this to your spouse because it’s helpful that you both can get on the same page. You’re like podcast, the next one, because I’m going to go over the energizing cycle, the how to jump into the marriage more invested in get out of the crazy cycle.
It’s going to be just great and don’t wait for this. Become a great day. You have the ability to make today great by your choices and if you would, this has been helpful. Please like it and follow us on Facebook and Instagram. Nutrition counseling. Okay. C and the big one at this season is we are trying to broadcast that counseling can change lives that you don’t, you simply do not have to stay in the pain that you’re in and the situation with anxiety, depression, anxiety, marriage problems, parenting issues. Our team wants to help you, like we are called to do this very thing and we love to serve you, so reach out to us today. Google reviews help spread the word. So if we’d been, you fell in our counseling or our podcasts helpful to you, please review it so other people know that life change can happen through OKC Christian marriage counseling. God bless, and I look forward to seeing you guys again through the podcast really soon.