Hi, this is Shawn Maguire with a new vision counseling.live podcast. Episode Number 19 we’d be going over going over why respect is as important as love. We went through the first podcast we did on this and it was the crazy cycle. There’s a guy named Emerson Eggerichs, egg, e. R. I. C. H. S. Now he’s not from Oklahoma City and or admin or Tulsa or anywhere around here. He’s from, I don’t know, I’m sure it was from maybe tell Dallas. He seems like a good old boy. He was a pastor, but he wrote this book called love and respect, really added something to the field of counseling and OKC Christian marriage counseling. And it’s been a pivotal work that so many counselors, pastors have really used to move forward relationships because we all know about love, but a lot of us didn’t really understand the value of that a man needs, how much a man needs respect.

It’s right. And in OKC Christian marriage counseling respect is huge and you know that all these things in the media that the gender doesn’t matter and this person’s like, I’m just telling you my 25 years of experience and what I’ve seen, there’s complete differences with people of, you know, men really needing respect and not reacting positively on any level when they don’t get it. And then women needing love now the ways their respect and the ways that they’re loved, they change. And some men need it differently than some of my lead love differently. And sure they can go back and forth with different things. But either way, this will help you move forward. Now, if you haven’t listened to the previous three podcasts, I know when I do marriage counseling, this is one of the books I highly recommend or actually depending on their issue, it’s what we would work through during our time together in addition to going deeper with why they’re in the crazy cycle.

But it gives you opportunities like I talked about in podcast number 17 to understand what a man needs or what a wife needs. This form and the form of love. And I went through the couple c, O, u, p. L. E if you want to know what that means, it’s an acronym. Go back and listen to podcasts number 17 and then I said, what a, what a man needs and I went over this in podcast number 18 it’s chair, chair now. Okay, I’m going to give it to you. So couple means closeness. She wants to be close to you. Love that openness is for the, Oh yeah. Every woman wants her main open up to her. The third is understanding this doesn’t guys quit China. Fix your wife. Just listen. Just listen. Peacemaking. That’s for the P and couple. She would love for you to say, Hey, I’m sorry.

It’s my fault. You know, the Bible’s clear that we should seek peace whenever possible. The other one is for the l stands for loyalty. Every W, w you know woman’s number one need when they ranked them and they do these research studies is security. She wants to know that you’re going to be there, that you are for her. Now the last one is e esteem. Man, think about this guys. What happens when you honor a wife? You honor a woman. You value her. You show her that she matters. You show her that. You see her, she comes alive. She comes alive. Now guys, or we need chairs. We need a chair and you’d be to pull the chair out. We need to sit in a chair. We need to do something with the chair. The chairs is c. H. A. I. R. S. Now, the first one of chairs. This is how you spell respect for your husband is conquest.

We are guys, we like to go on conquest. We’d like to conquer. We like to go on adventures. We like to work and achieve and move forward and some dream, goal or hobby we just do and when you appreciate and value that and really means a lot to us, the h stands for hierarchy. It’s appreciating our desire to take care of you to protect you. We want to be the one to shoot the Robert. They come in our house and a danger our family or you don’t believe in guns. You can use numb chucks, Chinese stars, blow darts, whatever your form of protecting your family is. The other one is the AE and chair stands where authority man, godly man is called to lead and to serve servant leadership and appreciating his desire to serve goes a long way. The other one is is the insights.

Guys love. When we love these guys, you have it as we have a desire to analyze, to work through situations and give counsel. I’m a counselor. That makes sense. I’m a OKC Christian marriage counseling counselor as well, so I know it means a lot when you appreciate that about us. The other one is ours for relationship. We want a buddy. I know you’re not a dude and you know I’m not a girl, but there’s a high value when you can be shoulder to shoulder. If you want to talk to them guys, go on a walk, go on a hike. If you can do that, you go sit by a fire, do something shoulder to shoulder and you’ll be surprised, amazed and blessed by the opportunities of intimacy that are created in the process. S is for sexuality. I think you understand that most guys want more sex than most women.

It’s about an 85 15 maybe 90 10 some would say 99.1% difference. Guys, on the higher side, girls on the other side feed it change. Actually, I’ve seen it change and grow a little bit higher in the past 25 years for women white liking it, but it’s still really disproportionate, so when you appreciate that about them, it’s great. Well, I grew up in a much greater detail in the previous two podcasts on these. Marriage is such a big deal to God, such a huge powerful avenue that he creates love and life in the world. I really encourage you guys to remember that I did give you these elements that will help your marriage grow, but as a Christ follower, we are called to not compromise. We’re called to not stop because our spouse or girlfriend or boyfriend is not going on or card. They continue to love and to lead and ideology way, no matter what other people are doing.

Now, if there is abuse involved, please stop this podcast. Go to news and counseling.live or go to any abuse shelter. If you can’t afford OKC Christian marriage counseling, do something. Take an action, actionable step to contact us, someone else and your local area. We serve the Oklahoma City Edmond area through counseling. We’re going to keep branching out by the end of the year. Who knows Norman, but and and beyond the state through consultation. We do seminars and things like that, but find somebody that you can talk to, walk you through steps of safety. But for the rest of us, we are called in relationship to take the high road to be the first one to seek peace. Like first Peter Three one three 11 says be the first. And we love because he first loved us and that’s our move in marriage. We first love now because we’re getting love. We first respect now because he deserves respect.

Look, I OKC Christian marriage counseling counsel a lot of couples where the woman deserves all the love there is and the guy does not deserve the respect. However, however, that doesn’t negate the need and it does not negate the consequence of not honoring the need does not negate the the law of relationship when you don’t respect the guy and what happens. And when you don’t love a woman, the crazy cycle happens and then it just continues until the relationship and the people in it are destroyed. And I don’t want that for anybody. And I know that if you’re listening to this, you want better too. And I believe in you because I know that God’s got a plan. If you access it through your actions and changing your beliefs and getting the help that you need, you will for sure change your life. Now we want to move towards being a blessing and loving our spouse better and above the line of what they’ve earned.

You know, God sets the precedent, the grace when Jesus came and died for us, that says in Romans five while I think it was, it was Romans five but it says in the Bible, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us while we were enemies of God. I think Romans five says, Christ died for us, and so God can die for us. Christ died for us on the cross. Why? We were yet enemies of God. Then I think there’s grace, which is the power of God for us to do his will, to love the people in our lives, especially our spouse, even when they don’t deserve it. It’s called faith. Faith is the substance of the reality of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen or experienced. So there’s a lot of grace and momentum and opportunity here for you to begin loving your wife and really specific ways and women begin respecting your husband and really respects really specific ways.

You know, I remember for me, there was times in my anger, I would think she can’t treat me this way. Nobody can treat me this way. I don’t. I’m an adult. I don’t, nobody treats me this way. You know, I, I just wanted to leave the situation. I’d go for drives and I was angry. What I didn’t realize until God showed me through a lot of different ways in a mirror that I was creating part of her contempt, part of her criticism by my behaviors. Ding, Ding, Ding. Winter, winter, the clue phone was ringing off the hook and by the grace of God and friends in our lives, I finally answered it. And so instead of blaming her and, and, and coming at her with, why are you disrespecting me? Well, I started with honey. What you just said felt disrespectful. Is there something that I did that as coming across as unloving?

Now that’s a far greater move with a momentum towards healing instead of destruction. It’s just one example of what we can do practically to apply these principles. Again, the book love and respect by Emerson Eggerichs is great. If you live in Oklahoma City, Edmond area or even Dorman, Southmore, please reach out to us if we can help you or a friend. It’s doers and counseling. Dot live and hit the contact us form. We have a team of counselors that Mary Biblical principles with cutting edge OKC Christian marriage counseling techniques and our mission is to help you discover what better looks like for you. And then it could be with the tools and resources to create it. Now that’s our mission. Please, if you’ve liked, this really means a lot to us. If you’d share it, Google, review us on diversion counseling.live because that just lets people know that change is possible.

If God can do it for you, we can do it for them. If you can do it for me, you can do it through me. All these ways that God moves is to spread his love and power of freedom to others. So don’t wait another day for a great day to come to you. Take charge through your actions and make your day and your life, your rate. I believe in you. I know God’s given you the grace to do it. Let us help you access that grace and applied to your life today. God bless you until we speak again. Having an amazing day.