Hey everyone. Sean McGuire here with the Edmond Christian Counseling team. Happy what? He’s Day oh to Tuesday because that’s what the weather’s supposed to be so bad in Oklahoma that they canceled our homeschool. It’s true. It’s true. I know it sounds crazy because when they did it last night, I’m like, how? How do you cancel a homeschool? That makes no sense. Well, you can’t sell homeschool. We had this come up that we go to. It’s at a church with all these have their families and they canceled it. They said, you know, I think school should be out and I guess the rest of the state agreed. Well, Hey, today or exciting because Kelly has been working so hard. I’m bringing you a message. Then if you listen closely, we will likely impact the rest of your life. So without further ado, wanting to say, tell us what is it
about kill. Yeah. Deepening is strengthened. Your marriage relationship. That’s what we’re talking about today. And we do have one viewer today. Are we going to that one? Yeah.
Yeah. We’re doing an envision today. Oh, cool. We’re on New Vision. So let us know where you’re from. Yeah, I, yeah, he used to go on these platforms that have like millions and millions of people, like 5 million, but today we wanted to just hit close to home CRP apps that are listening to the new version one. And so just for you, yeah, this is only for you let us know or your phone. Oh, that’s awesome. It’s probably your wife. Let me know
it’s here. All right. So here’s, here’s something that we wanted to bring up today when we’re strengthening our marriage relationship and we’re finding ways to deepen that. Really we’re looking at communication that can really help us. So, um, there are different levels of communication. I just want to bring that into the conversation right now. Um, generally when we start talking to any person will use these four levels of communication and the number one would be, um, really just facturing how’s the weather? What does it look like outside is a hotter called. That’s just fact sharing. Then there’s the next level would be ideas and opinions. Well, I think it’s really cold, man. This is too cold for me. That is an opinion about the weather. I of like it today. It feels good to me.
You like it below zero. The nice thing is danger. He’s waiting for the ice, he’s waiting to it. Right?
And then the third level of communication can offset oftentimes be the feelings and emotions or those.
What are those? Do you guys have those? Do you ask my kids if I have feelings? So feelings and emotions and I dread weather like this or I love weather like this today. It’s just so, it means so much to me to have rain and ice. Uh, well that’s what it’s supposed to look like.
There’s a fourth level and from a Christian perspective, when we’re doing, um, deep communication, oftentimes this fourth level can be the spiritual aspect. You know, this is what God’s sharing with me today. This is what he wants to impose. This is what he’s showing me about my life and who I am. And I just want to share that with you. That’s really that deep place. And that’s what we want. Marriage. So we encourage you to, to find ways to deepen your, your marriage relationship, deepen that communication and using these, uh, just outlines that can help you know where you’re communicating that. So when we’re communicating, um, the first thing we w we have to do is talk or we can just sit there and communicate something. But really
the audience is communicating it. That’s right. He does. These guys don’t know how to communicate through silence. Ben’s really good soap, stone cold
you, you can communicate through silence. You can communicate through body language. But what we want to really emphasize here is that bunny ears are totally awesome. Body language. The body language is very important. Uh, communicating in those deeper levels is where we can really emphasize the significance of a relationship. So we want to dream when we’re communicating. We want to be face to face. We want to talk about dreams. We want to talk about or directions for. That’s interesting relationship. Do you ever dream with Hannah? What do you dream about
Regina? About living on the beach? We dream about our kicks, loving God, Regina, about loving God and their own when they’re apart from us. Vgn about influencing thousands of people to families, women and husbands, to love their kids and raise them to love God. And then them living their best life. Now, not waiting until the sweet by and by, but taking advantage of all of these opportunities. Maybe they have gifts that they’re working in, a corporation that doesn’t access those gifts and they need to take a risk and go out there and try. We dream. This is where we live, homey. So live. Do Dreams deepen your relationship with who? With Tana? Yeah. Uh, sometimes we have different dreams, like she wants his house like she’s trying to get, I was like, man, this is like 850,000. And I’m like, Babe, no way. No way on the hill or looking at us, little people in the town. And it can be stressful if her dream puts a lot of work and stress on me because it feels like I need to accomplish that dream. But then there’s a lot of times when we dream about things, the Lord’s calling us to that are bigger than us, that really kind of pushed back the envelope of how much we can accomplish. So that’s fine.
Even as Sean is talking, he’s talking about, you know, here’s the dreams, but then when we talk about how that connects to God and immediately we, I get a sense that he’s going to a deeper place with, with his wife in that communication about those dreams. How about You Ben? What dreams do you have with your wife?
Dream. Does that one, do you like you’re holding hands and fall asleep? Yes. Any dream? That’s all we’re talking [inaudible] Caleb and I think we do. And talking about the same thing when drink dreams a lot. Like this is what we want. This is the way you want in our family. And um, we’re like dream a lot about vacations. Do. Oh yeah. Just dreaming together where we’re, where we want to be. Um, yeah, so definitely think
so. When have you had the deepest communication in your relationships with your wives?
After I screwed up. Yeah. That’s the same thing. I mean really after I got angry about something or told her, you know, early on in our marriage and I had to educate her family on our, our family was going to live with, we call that boundaries his therapist. So that kind of speaks to you
directly to the point of deep communication. Sometimes when you have that deep communication place, it can be exhausting, can feel stressful, it can feel overwhelming. So when you’re talking about feelings and emotions, it can bring you to a place where it’s a lot. Especially for some guys.
Yeah. So it felt like my head’s going to blow off. Sometimes. You guys are feeling away when you get home and your wife’s telling you about her, her friend who watched this show about this person and you had this car and then this kid and a dog happy. I’m like, I don’t know what, what’s what? What? What are you talking? My daughter does the same thing. And so somehow I learned so, so that makes me stressed out. So that’s something I’m going to walk and we talk about other stuff.
Yeah. As soon as we start going into those deep places. What are you talking about? Facts all day. We didn’t talk about what you need to get done. Any of in marriage. The average communication time per week for a couple is about 27 and a half minutes. That’s crazy. As crazy to me.
One and a half minutes for a week. Then gets that like every morning before he goes to [inaudible] rolling.
And even in that communication, it’s really about, hey, did you finish this task? Did you do that task? And that’s that fact sharing. And then you know what? I really didn’t enjoy this I think gets into the appointment. This is how I think it should be done. So in that 27 and a half minutes a week, a lot of couples, you’re just talking about the fact sharing or maybe some opinions, but it’s when you sit still and you start getting into deep conversation and you’re talking about how you feel, how you experience life, what you’re thinking about, about that situation. And then beyond, you know, this is what’s coming up inside of me and really owning that communication. You get to deeper levels. This can strengthen your marriage. It’s when you finally get to that place where you’re inviting God into it. You can have that deepest kind of communication where it’s really, God, thank you so much for this opportunity to talk about you, talk about you in our marriage and our relationship.
What do you think? How can we go before God? What is it? What is the direction that we need here from God? And really pursue that with with one another. That’s where intimacy, communication really occurs and communication is. So if you are looking at your communication and evaluate and get with your spouse, think about where you’re sharing. Are you at a fact level where you’re just talking about what’s done or what needs to be done? Are you at an opinion level or an ideal level where it’s, it’s really about, oh, you know what? I think this could be a good idea to think not, and you’re just, you’re making decisions. Are you at a place where you’re really talking about the emotions, you know, even though we’re making these decisions, this is really hard or this is really good, I really enjoy this. Or if finally you get into that spiritual place where you saying, man, this is hard decisions. Thank you God. We’re just so thankful and grateful for how you’re allowing us to get through this season of life. Any other comments for you guys?
Hm. Strengthen and deepen that relationship with communication. One reflection I was thinking is we were talking, one thing I’m really good at is talking about myself with my wife and things that are important to me. I struggle with to deepen that where it doesn’t get deeper zones. I don’t listen to her really, really focus on her as much. Like I’m like, Oh, this is, let’s go down with me. And I find it really is really hard for me. So I’m just, uh, you know, equally do that, like put interest in her or things as well. And I think that’s where it really deepens is we’re both really interested in each other. It’s not just you be interested in me, you know, and then, and then I go in the other room kind of thing. So that’s a big, deep inner for us is when we’re really talking together.
It’s probably even on the other side of, you know, I can take information right when I get home and I’m kind of dazed about coming from work, doing 10 hours sitting down at dinner and I just don’t want to talk. I don’t want to share. And I’m just, all right, tell me what your name was like, I don’t want to talk. Um, it’s when the day starts to slow down and I can just be present that I start to give more back to my wife’s Sophia, give her more encouragement about, you know, what you did really good today as a mother. You’re a wonderful mother of year, also a wonderful wife. Uh, you also encourage our business in these ways
cause she’s watching bandwidth, all the plants, this is flat. This is playing [inaudible]. I think for me, one thing that helps me a lot is transitions. I went when I mentally make a transition of I’m a listener and Mike, I’m so goal driven and my goal is to listen and hear you and help you to feel validated and loved. Like if I, if I’m intentional about that goal, I do way better. But if not, I, I’m mostly fall into the category. You said, Ben, my wife asks, Hey, how was your day? I was like, yeah, it was good. You know, and I’ll tell her about it. And then when we were going on, I don’t even ask about her day. How did it, all awful person does that, you know, we call that person to call him a man unless we’re intentional. It’s really hard to focus on the needs of somebody else.
So I know for me, being intentional and having that transition, a switch out of listening and people were coming to, they want, they want help, they want us to navigate. Like I kids in our wives just want us to love them and want a therapist. They don’t want it. They don’t want to tell you right now, does your wife want a therapist? I know at least not my either cause the wall, my therapy. What were Kayla’s been Ben say cares what they say. I’ve been doing it longer. We’re fresh guys were guys. Thank you for all of you listening today. I know we believe really this message is close to his heart. Hopefully by the end of this conversation we’ll be out of the dog house, but that remains to be seen if he spends the night at her house and gave well no that’s a no.
So guys, I it, this was helpful. We love to communicate the message of hope and love through counseling and we do that on Facebook. We do that on Instagram. Check out our our counseling page, nuvision counseling.org it’s a place where there’s resources where there’s videos and testimonies of people who have been through counseling and they’ve experienced the power of God through the exceptional healthcare and counseling we’ve given them. And also it may be a place where you start your journey to what’s better and this season of life for you. And maybe your place where you say, you know, I’ve done this alone for so long and it’s just not working out and maybe this is your day. Maybe this is the moment of truth where the rubber meets the road and you finally take that next step. So you go to our counseling website, nuvision counseling.org contact us to phone or email.
Let us know when you want to get started, how we can serve you because we really do see transformation happen every day. You know, I often say I see more change in a day here than I did in months and maybe you guys would even say years at places I’ve worked at in the past because the kind of people that we get to see are willing and when you’re willing, then you really licensed God to bring the healing power of Jesus to every dimension of your life. Hey, I hope this was incredibly helpful. Hey, if you get a chance to meet a lot to us, if you’d like us, if you follow us on Facebook, on Google, that’s how people find out that the counseling that we provide really does change lives, really does impact people and it can impact you. God bless and we’ll see you again next week. Yup, Yup. All right. You have less.