Hey everyone, welcome. We’ve got k, the Guardian, Ben, the Golden Retriever, and misty the Ninja. Here’s the day we were excited because today’s my son’s birthday. Did you know that? No. Yeah. Hey, what up? He’s 11 years old. Can you believe that? 11. Ben’s got kids in a great age. Uh, missy has kids all over the, all over the world. Really. I mean all over this glove, you know, young, old. And where do you guys jump in? Let us know where you’re from. We love when you tuned in and we just want to encourage you guys to, to know that God can move in your life no matter where this Edmond Christian Counseling podcast, this video finds you today, that God wants to move. He wants to take you from where you’re at. Cause our, our vision, that New Vision is we take you where you’re at, help you discover what better looks like for you and then equip you with the tools to create it. And today, Katie’s been working arduously probably for about one, two months on today’s topic. It’s about kids, which is her passion. She comes from a Baptist church and you know, the baptists are fantastic with kids and Bible school and you know, the felt boards, you know, velcro and stuff. They’re just all boards. They’re so good at the Bible. She’s going to drop some really knowledge bombs today about raising kids. And how amazing what you’re going to say he’s going to be, I don’t even know. Okay. Tell him what it’s about.
Yeah, it was on sale. Take over before it goes further downhill. So today we are talking about three must have conversations with your kids about relationships. So in February we’ve been talking all about relationships. Um, we’ve, you’ve heard tons about marriage and everything else about marriage, about relationships. And so I thought to end the month, let’s, let’s talk about what you talked to your kids about, about relationships, because relationships aren’t just easy, right? We, um, we have our kids, you know, watch things like Disney movies or, um, you know, maybe it’s even like veggie tales or whatever, but usually it ends up happily ever after. It’s really easy. It’s not messy. Um, so kids aren’t learning, um, what to do with the messy parts of relationships. And so the first Edmond Christian Counseling conversation that I think is really important to have with your kids about relationships is that conflict is okay. So
sure, that makes me feel better guys. A lot of conflict. Love,
you know, you hear people say that, um, you know, well, I never saw my parents argue or I never saw my parents fight. And I think obviously to an extent that’s great. We don’t, I’m not advocating abuse and obviously abuse would be if you’re like yelling or screaming in front of your kids or something like that. But I do think seeing a bit of like healthy conflict can be really powerful for kids. And so seeing, okay, mom and dad disagreed about, um, the restaurant we’re going to go to or what gas station we were going to stop to get gas for. But they resolved it and they were so respectful to each other. Um, they just made their needs known and they expressed, um, they express different thoughts and opinions. And so teaching your kids that conflict is okay. Um, I think, you know, we get set up when we are enter into adult world and we don’t know that conflicts.
Okay. Um, usually I think that actually first emerges when we get our first job, right. And then, um, our boss approaches us about something we’ve done wrong and then we either melt or we buck up. Right. We don’t respond well cause we’re like, well that’s not okay. Or if somebody disagrees with us in a meeting or something, we don’t ever have. No, no, no. So, um, so the first thing is that teaching your kids that conflict is, okay. Do you guys see that happened with your kids? We were talking about it. Please kids. Do you see needing,
what are you talking about? You know, the conversations, the conversations they, here are the ones you’re having between your spouse. You can say whatever you want. They are watching. That’s true. That’s so true. Talk with each other and, and with them. But I think that’s the conversation. It’s a conversation you’re not having that they’re watching. Right? That’s really, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. So, okay. So first it’s conflict is, okay. The next one is that it’s not all about you. And so when thinking about, you know, we’re trying to teach our kids that all the time, right then it’s kid or no, either one. But it’s not all about, it’s not all about the kids. So, um, so we teach kids that in, you know, every other area. Like it’s not, uh, it’s not all about you. Um, you don’t always get to get the biggest muffin from the muffins and you know, whatever you have to share, whatever it is. Like you, yeah. You, it’s not about you, but in relationships, right. Sometimes. Um, I think, um, I think we teach kids because we want them to have such high standards and dating, which is great. Um, you know, Sean has a daughter that we all love around here, and I would want her to know that, um, she should not settle.
She should only date someone. That’s amazing. Right? Yup. But it’s still not all about her and relationships. Right. And so if the expectation, and I think a lot of times for women, women are taught this a lot, I think as kids, like you’re going to go on dates and you know he’s going to pay for everything. Um, he’s going to make valentines say all about you. Bursaries are going to be all about you. Well, you know, so like you go through this thing of, okay, it’s all, it’s all about you. It’s all about him pursuing you. But then for women, they get into a marriage all the sudden. Yeah. It’s not all about you. What I want the guy, where’s your couch? The guys you could find a solid line is supposed to be about sacrifice, right? And it’s supposed to be about God. Yeah.
And God is about sacrifice. And if you think the way that God’s in relationship with us, he’s continuously sacrificing. There’s, um, while it’s about worshiping him, um, the relationship us and God is way harder for God than it is for us. And so when we’re thinking about trying to do, um, teach our kids about relationships, it’s teaching them, okay, how can we be sacrificial in relationships, not just how can the relationship be all about us? And so teaching someone like Sean’s daughter, daughter, Berkeley, hey, you need to be valued in a relationship, don’t date a loser. Great. But you also have to be sacrificial in a relationship even as you’re in that courtship process. And even that’s a hard thing. It’s hard. It’s hard. Yeah. It is a fine line. But I think being, but I think you can be intentional about saying, hey, you can, you know, um, you don’t have to expect him to the world all the time. Exactly. Yeah.
I tell them, I’ll tell you, you know, I tell my kids often and really got to tell myself on it more often than anybody because I need to hear it. That the, you know, the more expectations we have going forward, the more miserable. But being, I know this last year, um, my birthday, he was a big deal growing up to me and as an adult it may nobody’s, it’s just different. And nobody’s jumping out of cakes like for band. Um, nobody’s doing the things I did. I don’t get a lego set for my birthday as an adult. It’s just weird. I don’t do that. But it’s hard if I don’t come mentally prepared to not have expectations. If I don’t like, I usually plan to do some kind of a service or serve others and bless others to really combat this, this feeling of I need other people to do something for me to make me feel valued that I’m miserable.
I had a hard birthday this year. I think I celebrated it another weekend cause it just, it was all messed up because I wasn’t, hey mark, bump, what up? That if I, I prepared, if I prepare to think about others to serve others. Not that I have to be devalued in the process, but if I, if I, if I just think it’s about me, I’m miserable. I mean really it’s, it’s, it’s a setup for a failed and miserable existence for constantly looking for other people to meet your needs, to pay for your bills, to make you feel emotionally loved. That’s just a hard way to live.
Yeah. Yeah, that’s what you said. That’s good. Yeah. So, okay, so if you guys are just tuning in. So the first point that we made that as you’re talking to your kids about relationships, the first one was that it’s okay to have conflict and so it’s okay to show them a healthy conflict. The second point was that it’s not all about you. So teaching your kids, Hey, it’s not all about you all the time. Um, and then the third one is what you say matters. And so this, so talking about the kids, what your kids say matters. And it’s so easy when they’re just, they’re just incessantly talks king or just jabbering like half the stuff they say, you’re just like, this is so annoying and I don’t know what she’s talking about. Yeah. Like you don’t know, you have 10 kids, don’t act like you don’t know mission.
So it’s important for them to know that what they say matters, especially when it’s regarding the relationships. So if they’re saying, hey mom, that hurt my feelings. Or, um, Hey dad, I need to see you more or something. They need to know that what they say matters. It doesn’t mean that you can honor their request every time because you can’t, and in a relationship, because it’s not all about them. They’re not going to have their request honored every time, but you can honor them and you can help them know that what they say matters and this and this helps them know. Like back to the example we gave about, um, the entitlement and you know, I talked about his daughter who, you know, I just, I like his daughter a lot, so she’s a good example. But she, you know, I would want her to know that, um, she, that relationships are sacrificial. It’s not all about her. But I’d also want her to know that what she says matters and that if she was ever dating someone that didn’t care what she said, then that is not a relationship to be in.
That’s so, you know, that reminds me a lot of times, women, when you date somebody, you’re so excited, you’re like, ah, he’s just so laid back. He’s just so cool. You know what that looks like when you get married. That’s him on the couch with the beer and the remote watch and wait for you to and holding his glass up, you know, shaking it cause it’s empty. And for, for for you guys, when you’re dating a woman, think about this. You love how she kind of plans all your dates and she always knows what you guys should do. You know what that looks like when you get married, it looks like a box homing. That means he’s got everything played out because you’re going to feel control. So the great thing is to really get to know somebody like Katie said, that, that you matter and, and engage fully in these relationships because the Edmond Christian Counseling points that you bring up are there.
There are so fine, they seem big, but they’re so fine that if you, you can easily glance over them as kids. It’s easy to tune a kid out and just be like, yeah, uh Huh. And, and not value what they say. And here are really the heart of who they are. Because if you’re in a relationship with your kids and in your tuning out, what, what they say, most of the time you’re gonna miss some of those years at, you’ll never get back. I know, I know. I live in, you guys have really, really young kids. I’m often jealous of Ben. He’s got all these really cute kids. I think mostly because of his wife. Really sorry. And, and they’re just, these ages we’re losing. There was a little, little clay pieces of jewels that God can, you know, raise through Ben and his wife to be amazing, uh, children of God and believing everything that you just said.
Sorry guys. I just encourage you what kid he said take to heart because it’s, it’s really amazing and it may seem all these things are really simple. Go back and really take them and look at ways that you can fundamentally apply them to your daily life. Evaluate your kids’ relationship with you, with each other, determine areas that you can approve on it and then begin making a plan to start that today. Yeah. So guys, I just wanted to say thank you for tuning in. Marc von Feldt, you rock brother, you, you rock, you’re the man. We just want to say please share this with your friends and we have a Facebook and then new and we have an Instagram account, nuvision counseling Okc and if you are watching this and you say, you know, this is great but I need more help. We have great news. We have a team of Christian counselors that Mary Biblical principles with cutting edge counseling techniques to meet you in your store today, wherever you may be so you can reach out to us.
There’s a contact us on Facebook. There’s also a Edmond Christian Counseling website and nutrition counseling dot o r g go to that website. We have a list of counselors always bringing on New People that love God to help love and serve you and your story. Let us be part of that. Invite us in and then just watch and see what God will do when you commit your life, your time, and your resources to him. Amen. Well guys, we’ll see you again next Tuesday and less. One of them jumps in and does an amazing video. I think Katie has this flag thing and a petard thing she’s working on, but until then, we’ll see you guys. Were she married? Tony? Tony. We’ll see you next Tuesday. God bless.