In this blog we will be discussing some points from the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This book discusses the five flight love languages and how you and your spouse can utilize them to better express love in your marriage. The five love languages are quality time with, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. These are the different ways that people experience/feel and give love. Sometimes people can give love well one way but experience love the best another way marriage counselor oklahoma city. For example, my top love language is quality time. My second is ask of service. However, my husband’s top love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. Because our love languages differ we often give love to our spouse in the way we wish to receive love.
What happens is we come to a place where neither of us feel loved because both of us are giving the love that we think the other needs when in fact those actions do not communicate love to them in the way they desire or need. So the question Gary Chapman asks is “Are you speaking the same language as your spouse?” In the beginning of the book he asks what happens to love after the wedding. Many times, or I might dare say every time, after the wedding love experiences a change. No longer are you dreaming of the day where you will marry your best friend. No longer are you busy planning weddings and looking forward to one of the happiest days of your life. This day is behind you. There’s no more mystery in your spouses. He wake up to their stinky breath every morning and clean their dirty underwear every week. You witness their weaknesses and the most intimate and vulnerable side of them. Because of these things and many more your love does in fact change after the wedding marriage counselor oklahoma city. This is why it is important to invest time into your relationship even though it might seem like you have already arrived. You still have to continue to pursue your spouse. You still have to continue to learn about your spouse. Think about it: you as an individual are growing each day. If your spouse never took the time to learn about you you may wake up 10 years from now and not know who each other is or her they have become. This is also why it can be very beneficial to know and understand your sources a love language.
Words of affirmation. Giving words of affirmation is speaking life into your partner. These can be encouraging words or kind words. They can be humble words or words of appreciation. And this love language words are obviously very significant to the spouse. One thing that you might have to keep in mind as well because of this is that harmful words can be extra harmful to this person marriage counselor oklahoma city. Be careful what you say because they will most likely take it to heart.
Quality time. If this is your love language you might find yourself just sitting with your spouse and watching TV. You may not even have to speak to one another to experience a filling up of your love tank. Spending quality time with this person that is uninterrupted and includes your full attention is one of the best things you can do. You could also show this love language by cleaning out a special evening or day of quality time with your spouse. Different options or ideas of quality time could be taking a walk together or doing other physical activities together, having lunch together, doing an activity that your spouse enjoys, or having a weekend getaway, marriage counselor oklahoma city.
The third line of language is receiving gifts. This person feels loved whenever their significant other surprises them with a gift. This gift signifies that their partner was thinking of them or remembering them. These gifts, as Gary Chapman says, are a visual symbol of love to this person. It does not matter if the gift is purchased found or made but that it is given genuinely. Sometimes the best gift to give is your own presence in that person‘s life. However that is not the only gift to give. One way to Soraya thrive if your spouse has this love language is to leave random gifts for them in the house or have a whole week where you give your spouse a gift each day. Or you could keep a gift idea notebook to write down things that they say they want or need. Another idea of a gift would be a living gift such as a tree or plant.
The fourth love language is ask of service marriage counselor oklahoma city. Acts of service include doing things for this person that might help them bring up their own time or help them accomplish our product project that they are wanting to do. It also might be something that just makes their day better. These things can be mowing the grass, raking the leaves, painting a room, dusting a bookshelf or anything of that nature. One way Jesus showed his disciples and active service was when he washed their feet. The disciples feet during that day would’ve been very dusty and dirty from walking on dirt roads all day. Acts of service tell the other person that you were thinking of them and value their time and energy.
They last but not least the fifth love language is physical touch. This one is pretty self-explanatory. These people feel loved through physical touch. These physical touch is included sexual and nonsexual. Physical touch can also communicate love or hate in the way that it is given. This person feels love to the touch of another marriage counselor oklahoma city. Someone once told me that everybody no matter if their love language is physical touch or not need seven physical touch is from another individual a day. This could be a hug or a pat on the back or even a handshake. This physical touch is how we connect with other human beings and we all have an innate desire to be connected with other people.
Our therapist’s use this philosophy often in marriage counseling.