Five Fears that Crash Your Calm | By: Summer Smith, LCSW

Five Fears that Crash Your Calm | By: Summer Smith, LCSW

Working with people in therapy, whether they present with anxiety or PTSD or depression or marital conflict, I find that they all have one thing in common: Fear. I don’t just see this in clients either – I see it in everyone even in Christian counseling Edmond! I see it in myself! It seems that if you dig deep enough into any manifestation of stress or discomfort, you’ll find fear. This is so unfortunate, because fear robs us of our ability to relax and live as our true selves. So let’s face this giant: What exactly are we afraid of? I’ve narrowed it down to five primary themes, and I’d like to share them with you. My hope is that you can explore which theme (or themes) of fear are most prevalent in your own life and then begin to intentionally confront them. Knowing your personal fear-based barriers is half the battle. Insight is our gateway to recovery and freedom!

Fear number one: The Fear of Failure! How many times have you avoided trying something new or taking a risk because you were terrified you would fail? When you experience this, who exactly are you afraid of disappointing? If this is your fear barrier, challenge yourself to confront it. Remember what God said to Joshua before he went into battle and he had collapsed with fear? God challenged him by saying, “Stand up! What are you doing down on your face?” In Joshua, God says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” So if this is your fear – practice living out this command of God in Christian counseling Edmond. And also remember what Mr. Wayne Gretsky said: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take!”

Fear number two: The Fear of What People will Think! This one plagues us all! We have a natural desire to be liked and admired. However, if we put too much stock in what other people think, then we are living our lives for them instead of God and ourselves. For this fear, I challenge you to remember Proverbs 29:25: “It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe.” If you are consistently paralyzed by the fear of judgement or rejection, consider seeking therapy to uncover the origin of these insecurities and work through those! Also consider reading these two great books in Christian counseling Edmond: “The Search for Significance” by Robert McGee, and “The Gifts of Imperfection”, by Brene Brown.

Fear number three: The Fear of Being Hurt (Emotionally)! Let’s face it, none of us make it out of childhood unscathed. No matter how saintly our parents were! There were times we didn’t get our needs met, there were times we didn’t receive the validation we were looking for. Then, later in life, we were likely shamed or rejected by peers or even abused by romantic partners or love interests. We’ve been lied to, betrayed, disappointed repeatedly because people are human and we don’t always get it right even in Christian counseling Edmond! For these reasons, our sensitive little hearts and minds sometimes build unique (and unhealthy) walls of protection around us that simply won’t let other people in, even when we WANT to let them in! If this is your fear factor, consider exploring your defenses with a therapist and work to break down those walls! Remember Psalm 62:5: “My soul, find rest in God; My hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.” When God is your fortress, you don’t need those pesky walls!

Fear number four: The Fear of Losing Control! Oh man! Another defense mechanism. Another lie our brain tells us even in Christian counseling Edmond. “If I can be in control of everything, nothing can be in control of me. Nothing will surprise me. Nothing will hurt me.” Wrong! How can we possibly live our lives while also carrying around a 50-ton backpack of attempted-control? It’s exhausting and impossible! God is in control. He wrote your story before you started living it! We are reminded in the book of Job that there’s no reason to question Him or try to control things that don’t belong in our control. He said, “Everything under heaven belongs to me”. So if control is what activates your panic button, practice returning that control to its rightful owner in Christian counseling Edmond. Confront the behaviors you may have created as a means to maintain control (i.e. OCD, addiction, self-harm, abuse or manipulation, etc.) Dig in and experience the freedom of living and learning!

Fear number five: The Fear of Being Alone! As human beings, we are designed for connection. We crave love and belonging. Therefore, if something in our environment makes us believe that we will be rejected or alone, we will do all kinds of bizarre things to prevent that from happening. Check yourself – I bet you’ve done it! This can come from many deep-rooted insecurities and fears, and it is often helpful to explore these in therapy in Christian counseling Edmond. Meanwhile, it would probably be good for all of us to practice the art of solitude. Practice enjoying your own company! Maxwell Maltz said, “If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone.” If number five is your fear, get out there and spend some time with you or try Christian counseling Edmond!

Explore which of these fears may be “crashing your calm” and robbing you of your ability to enjoy your life. Seek therapy if you need additional help. Pray and ask God for courage. Cast your anxieties on to Him, and remember 2 Samuel 7:3, “Whatever you have in mind, go ahead and do it, for the Lord is with you.”

Is Christian counseling Edmond or Oklahoma City your next step to breaking free of fears? If so, you can reach us at (405) 921-7776. Or, you can go to our website to explore videos and contact us at